(Closed) They registered for WHAAAAT?! (Registry etiquette question!)

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 62
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think if I saw that on someone’s registry, I would think that it was cool. You just never know what people will get you for a present!! :]

Post # 63
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

So here’s another unpopular opinion about the registry.  Bear with me, and I will explain.  I just now got through to my FDIL after her first bridal shower… about how to present a registry so that you not only get the stuff that you need, but also some “fun” things, like games, etc.

The chief thing is to know your demographic.  All demographics(ages) will buy you small appliances.  I still have my handmixer from the ’70’s. FDIL got two coffeemakers at her shower yesterday… for a reason.  It embarrassed the girls who gve them- and FDIL will be taking one back.  But they shopped at the same time and the registry didn’t update quickly enough.  The problem was that all of her moderately priced small appliance choices had gone to “online only”, and she doesn’t want to be guilty of registry stalking so she hasn’t checked it lately.  Almost everything else on her registry was either too insignificant to buy for a single present… like a pizza cutter or whisk.  I know that sounds wrong to you guys, but the truth is… hardly anyone wants to show up at the shower with a wrapped pizza cutter all on it’s own.  This group of friends were the youngest and they waited until right before the shower to drop into Target and were not going to take the time to do a basket of items for her, which is something that is fun to do.    Since a Wii is pricey, that would have taken preplanning too-  for folks to chip in (in that demographic… college students eating Ramen). 

The next group are her older contemporaries who are married themselves or affianced.  This group would be more likely to get their games… because this is the group that will play them with them.  They understand the function of a few “fun” things on the registry.  Our B&G have a card table and chairs, and a couple of games on their registry.  Chances are high that it they get those things it will be at the next shower.  No one is going to lug a card table in a box to the wedding. “Uh, where should I set this down”.

The next group is the competitive old ladies, of which I have recently joined ranks.  They WILL give you the down comforters, AllClad, LeCreuset, etc. that you think no one can afford.  And in a nutshell, go for it because it may be many years before you can afford nice things.  You may not think it’s important right now, but it’s really nice to have a little later.  Just think about how much your tastes have changed since 10 years ago.  That will happen again, a few times.

One of the things I needed least when I first got married (good China) is something I cherish using several times now each year.  I had to complete the set as my family grew and I set a formal table for 12 each year.  It is my wedding China- and it will go to my daughter when I go to the great beyond.  It’s worth thinking about-  a registry should reflect what you value… and to be effective and efficient, should target your long term needs and not seem frivolous.  If it does seem like a joke, people will treat it like a joke and they will buy off the registry… and as long as that is okay with you, then it’s okay. 

Post # 64
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I didn’t register for China because I already know my parents are going to be handing theirs down to me.  I love theirs, and I have no use for it at this point in my life, and I’ll gladly accept it when they’re no longer in need of it.

My house is small with not a lot of storage.  I don’t WANT things I have to set away for 10 years before I have a use for it.  I did register for practical things like a food processor and iron and coffee machine, but I also put frivolous things like dish towels and pretty aprons and two Snuggies on there too.  Fiance wanted to register for a dart board, folding table, chairs, and a grill so we could have parties in the back yard.  I’ll enjoy that a lot more than fancy dishes I never use.

Post # 65
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@chillmer- I don’t consider dishcloths or aprons frivolous.  I guess the first thing I ever saw that hit me that way on a registry was my good friend’s lava lamp request.  He’s 40 now and I’m always tempted to get him a lava lamp for Christmas since nobody ever granted his request.  He has 5 children now, so lava lamps are way down on his list of priorities;-)

Post # 66
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@Twista…LOL!! My husband was thisclose to doing something similar!

Post # 67
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

I almost feel like with the Internet, “registry snobbery” is beginning to take over the joy in being able to register!  I can’t count anymore how many posts there have been about this topic – and whether or not someone has registered for things they find appropriate or not.  I also have heard some of my friends make comments about “why did they choose THAT!?” or even my favorite “I HATE what she picked out for the bathroom, so I think I’ll just buy her this more neutral set of towels instead…” – I even know girls who go online and read other couple’s registries to see just what they might have picked – and in some cases, simply to mock it.  HARSH.  It’s like “Mean Girls” for the wedding registry set.

PEOPLE!  REGISTER FOR WHAT YOU WANT!  🙂 If others make comments, that is just tacky and rude – much more so than your registry selections!

I was guilty of feeling this pressure myself.  I really worried the day after we finished ours that we had been greedy or picked out the wrong stuff.  We honestly have a LOT of super expensive items on our registry such as high end knives and cookware – but in part that is because we used BB&B and want to go back after the wedding for the completion discount.  I think the most important thing is actually to have a good amount of items to allow people to buy at ALL different price points.  Is someone going to buy us a $550 Dyson? I honestly hope not – but I sure will enjoy getting 20% off come November!

Regarding china though?  Originally, I didn’t register for china (because I would rather people get me other things at this stage in life) but I’ve totally re-considered registering for the pattern closer to the big date and – again – buying it myself under the completion discount, setting by setting.  If I get a setting or two, great – but I’m not counting on it.  The pattern I love has meaning with regard to our wedding and I think there is something to be said for “wedding china” later in life (and I say that like I’m not old enough!)

Post # 68
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We registered for a Wii and a camera, and those were some of the first things to be purchased off of our registry. 

Post # 69
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@christalynn-  I don’t think people think it’s greedy to have high end items in the mix.  My FDIL registered for a couple of furniture items and got one sent to her from Massachussets recently.  That’s just the shower present, I was instructed to tell her from my sister-in-law. FDIL was shocked.  But I enjoyed seeing the new tweaked registries today, with coffee and end tables added. 

Post # 70
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Hubs and I registered for stuff we would love to have, including (not limited to) dishes. Our dishes have seen better days and hubs wanted to get new dishes, I also wanted some new things for the kitchen to flush out the old (Very battered) dishes and bakeware. However, we also registered for outdoor furniture and such that we just cannot afford (and know our families would like to go in on something) right now. We recently bought a wii, so we registered for a couple games and some movies we have been eyeing up. Like others have said, there is no limit to what you can register for. I know we will use the games and stuff we registered for to spend time together. What better gift could someone give? 🙂

Post # 71
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Knowing that the camera and such are less expensive, I think its totally fine–I was imagining a $200-300 camera and GPS and that seemed like a bit much. I think you’re good!

Post # 72
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We totally have camping gear on our registry.  We know a few of FI’s friends that specifically asked us for “guy gifts” on the registry.  We also just purchased a new house so a lot of the gifts are geared towards the things we need (lawn tools, trash cans, etc). 

Again, I think guests have the right to purchase off the registry if they want to, but I think if you are going to put one out there it should have a wide variety of gifts as FMILady described.  My Maid/Matron of Honor told me to register for my pots and pans individually rather than in a set because no one would buy us the couple hundred dollar set.  Wouldn’t you know it was the first thing purchased for us on our registry?

Post # 73
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I think that it could be a mistake to register for “online only” items, just because you’re adding the cost for shipping, which makes it harder for people to be more generous.  In store items are just easier, especially as FMILady pointed out, because people procrastinate and usually buy the day before anyway.

As a side note, the only people who bought anything off my registry is my great uncle and great aunt.  Everyone else got us gift cards or checks or cash.  (DW)  However, unexpectedly at Christmastime we received some of our registry items as Christmas presents.  So I would recommend when you get your registry incentives (free gifts with registry) that you then take those items off.  And leave up your registry for a WHILE.  People may still buy some things for you!

Post # 74
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Our BBB registry has all of the “traditional” items and our Target registry has all of the fun stuff like camping gear, a camcorder and yard games.

Post # 75
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Would just like to add that this thread inspired me to go put the knives I really want on my registry 😉

Post # 76
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

LOL we registered at the same places and our BB&B is normal but he put a playstation3 on our target one! I was fine with it cuz i really want one (especially since it has a blu-ray and dvd player) and maybe a group of ppl will get it?

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