(Closed) Things a Substitue SO/FI/Wife Should Know…

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@izziebear: Lol. Good Post I love “after dinner sandwich!” 🙂

My sub would need to know that if you fail to make dinner B will eat, a microwaveable chicken patty, Burger King, or nothing.

-B will need to be reminded to put the trash out on Wednesday’s and will probably still forget.

-B works nights so on his off days expect him to be up skulking around while you are trying to get your beauty rest.

-B loves to spoon and cuddle and you should too 🙂

-If it’s not stuffed crust, supreme, no mushrooms from Pizza Hut don’t expect him to eat your pizza.

-If you want B to do something for you i.e. turning the TV down when the remote is nowhere to be found just say, “Wow, the TV sure is loud!” Like the saint he is, he will jump right on it.

-He is an amazing man, don’t take him for granted!


Post # 4
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Hehe… love this post!

1.  If you want T to remember anything more than an hour in advance, you must send him an email.  No notes, no reminders, no texts… emails.  Even then, don’t be surprised if he forgets stuff sometimes.

2.  T will NOT eat mushrooms.  If you try to sneak them in his food, he will be convinced you are trying to poison him.

3.  T has ADD, so be prepared for totally unfocused conversations that change directions 10 times without warning.  If you are around long enough, you’ll start to figure out his thought process…. it’s incredibly fascinating.

4.  T drinks his coffee black and will only drink OJ with lots of pulp.  He also enjoys cooking, so he may offer to cook for you a lot.  But if he cooks, you clean up, and vice versa.

5.  When T kisses you, be prepared for him suddenly blowing raspberries on your face.  But, you can do it back and see who can do it the longest!  It’s a little love competition that he likes.

6.  His roommate will often walk around in his boxers.  You’ve been warned.

7.  Make sure you give T enough personal space.  He likes to cuddle and snuggle, but he HATES having his arm or neck rubbed.  And don’t rub his head either, he thinks it’s “weird”.

8.  You and you alone have to take all the stickers off of everything that enters your house and make sure that T has 2 sets of silverware when he eats anything with jelly or syrup.

9.  T is a very genuine person.  He will be honest with you, including when it’s a little uncomfortable.  But, you will always know that he is telling you the 100% truth.

10.  Do his laundry for him, pack his lunch, and make sure you stay current in politics, global affairs, economics, and life in the military.

11.  T is amazing.  Value, appreciate, and do random things for him.  Send him fun emails, text him silly things, and always tell him how proud you are of him.

Post # 5
1643 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@piglet_625: LOVE #8.


1. C is not, I repeat, NOT a morning person. Allow at least one hour for groggy mumbles and shuffling around looking for cigarettes.

2. If there is only one diet coke left in the fridge–DO NOT DRINK IT.

3. Don’t even dream of touching the Starbucks double shots.

4. Be prepared for lots of channel flipping. Favorite shows include anything to do with prison, nature shows, anything to do with astronomy, and The Golden Girls (YES!!)

5. C prefers pie over cake. 

6. C WILL fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Be warned.

7. C loves the occasional love note left in his bag, but not everyday-to much is definitely overkill. 

8. C likes his beard. Respect the beard.

9. You will be living in a fish-free zone. Fried shrimp, however, is acceptable. 

10. C is completely brilliant. Keep track of the what’s happening in the world so you can participate in conversation. You might actually learn something. Appreciate that he is always thinking, and always learning. 

11. Snuggle time will happen. Don’t worry. It’s usually in the morning before he has to get up.

12. Love him. Love him the way that he needs love. Respect, value, and cherish him. 

Post # 6
1643 posts
Bumble bee

I forgot to add one!!!


13. Though your minds both may wander, try not to change topic without segues. Make sure he knows you ARE listening. 🙂

Post # 7
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

1.) J is very blunt. If he thinks something is stupid, he WILL let you know. Try not to take offense–he really isn’t trying to be a jerk.

2.) J has a very loose definition of the word clean. He will insist he cleaned the kitchen when he miiiight have loaded the dishwasher…but didn’t turn it on. Or wipe down the counters or stove. Oh, and the trash is overflowing.

3.) J only drinks soda, beer, wine, and hard alcohol.

4.) J doesn’t care at all about his appearence. If you want him to look decent, you’ll have to do all his laundry and order him to go shave and comb his hair.

5.) J loves to cook and he’s pretty good at it.

6.) If you find yourself missing plates, cups, etc, check J’s office. He hoards dishes.


Post # 8
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I LOVE this thread!

Things to tell my sub:

  1. I will be back tomorrow.  Try to win his heart over and you will die.
  2. He wakes up with terribly morning breath.  Don’t try to make him talk or kiss you before he brushes his teeth, he hates that.
  3. He could live on Taco Bell.  He always orders the same thing.  Memorize it.
  4. He doesn’t get hints.  If you want him to do something, tell him outright.
  5. He doesn’t like gifts.  Don’t bother.
  6. When he starts talking about F1, act like you understand.
  7. No seafood.  Or tomatoes.  Or peas.  Or mushrooms.  He’s pretty picky actually.  Just ask him what he wants.
  8. He hates clutter of all kinds!

Post # 9
2371 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Fun fun thread!

Sub List

1.First rule, very important! Now this man is my favourite person in the world, you try to keep him for yourself I WILL get all ghetto on you

2.Be prepared for a lot of complaining. Not to worry never about you,but  its gonna happen. My advice limit him to two rants a day, then brace yourself.

3.Do not talk to S when he’s reversing into a road or merging into traffic, you will be ignored.

4.S hates it when you play with the back of his neck when driving. He will bring your hand to the front and kiss it. This is not an act of devotion, rather a tactful strategy to get you to stop.

5. S will always order fish when out to dinner, different variation same fish!

6.Brace yourself for Southpark references on everything!

7. This man reads alot and knows just about something on everything. Try to keep up.

8.Be on the lookout for random acts of kindness to the poor, blind and homeless at any time while walking the streets.

9. Do not give S a new hobby, he’ll swear he’s going to be the next big thing in it till he’s on to the next one.

10. Be prepared to be embarrased by random acts on pda at any moment. Or more accurately be prepared to be threatened by them.

Post # 10
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The sub should know to keep her hands off MY MAN! She can do all the chores for one day, but no hanky panky allowed.

Post # 11
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is so cute, I love reading everyones.

1) I fought like a PitBull to get him, I will to keep him.

2) Smoked meats and seafood (especially lobster) are always in this house.  Never go to the store without checking to see if he need charcoal or wood chunks.

3) If seafood is on sale – stock up.  He is never happier than to open the freezer and see a lobster, if it’s there he will eat it.  You can buy 10lbs and he will still eat it in one sitting.

4)Red Lobster is an upscale restaurant until you teach him better.

5)You will always be listening to 80’s hair bands.

6) He could want to swing dance at random places and times.

7) He is always happy when he is working if you get up with him and make his breakfast and lunch.  He likes grits with extra extra butter and pulp in his OJ.  He MUST take his vitamin before leaving or he comes home cranky.  When he leaves the house, make sure his mountain dew is in his pocket.

8) He is very romantic, random acts of romance are to be expected.

9) Cooking shows and UFC are pretty much all that you will watch on tv, unless you suggest a movie.  He loves vampires and zombies.  You will always be home on Sunday nights in the summer for True Blood.

10) Never use the word Union without the word Brotherhood.  He loves it when you wear his union cloths.

11) He hates sweets unless it includes pistacios.

12) Your phone and cable will be turned off every few months, he forgets to pay those.  He pays everything else just fine, but ALWAYS forgets the cells and cable.

13) DO NOT LET HIM NEAR YOUR COMPUTER! Get him his own.  He has no idea how to use one so he will screw yours up.

14) He is one of the few truely great men in this world, he deserves to be treated that way.

Post # 12
1747 posts
Bumble bee

Expect K to get up at 6:30 everyday to go workout

Expect K to talk to you 10 times a day about the benefits of working out

A protein shake is consumed for breakfast and at bedtime to help him sleep

K will insist you taste how “good” his shakes are at lest once a week

K does not eat out, he only goes to nice places for you

Ironing clothes if he is not going to the office is optional

K will always cut you an apple for breakfast

Expect him to wake you up because he is too horney to sleep

K loves to give a big hug and kiss everyday

Expect to laugh a LOT…. this man is funny

Put the directions in the GPS, he has no idea where he is going

K speaks to everyone and calls them by name. He feels it’s very important to call EVERYONE by name

K will listen to you even if you are irrational, he will calmly listen

K is a steady person, if he is upset you have done something REALLY bad

K is the most honest person I have ever met

I can not wait to be his wife:0)



Post # 13
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

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@picturemeurs: LOVE your #9… I thought it was just my guy who hobby hopped! He’s obsessed with 1 thing for a month or two, then it’s on to the next thing.

Post # 14
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

  1. J has no problem waking up in the morning, this means you will have to wake up whenever he does, or he will pester you until you do.
  2. Do not talk to J until he has had at least 3 cups of coffee and a cigarette.
  3. J hates to clean anything in the kitchen, even if you’re the one cooking. He doesn’t know how to use a dishwasher, but he will do the laundry.
  4. On Thursday’s at 5pm, J is watching Maury. At 9pm, he is watching Fringe and after that he is watching The Mentalist. You are not allowed to talk to him during those times except during commercial breaks. He won’t remember a thing you said if you try to talk to him while the shows are on.
  5. J likes snuff. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT drink from any bottle he has had his hands on. 
  6. J doesn’t eat a lot of things. He’s very picky. It’s best just to ask him to make a list for you.
  7. J only drinks 5 things: black coffee, water, milk, juice (except orange juice) and whiskey.
  8. J likes physics and science. You should probably pick up a few books by Michio Kaku, Albert Einstein and Stephan Hawking if you expect to keep up with his conversations. He also talks about trucks. I’ve learned it’s best to just smile and nod, he’ll eventually get tired of having a one sided conversation, and stop.
  9. J is very honest. He’ll tell you like it is.
  10. J likes things in 3’s. 
  11. J is not emotional. Expect him to just stand there if you cry, because he won’t know what to do. Also, he considers vaccuming for you a romantic gesture. Acknowledge this and offer to make him a cup of coffee.

Post # 15
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

1. Be prepared for lots of cuddling in the morning.  Not at night, he always sleeps on his stomach at night because his back hurts (speaking of which, remind him about his physical therapy appointment…more on that, #2)

2. Be prepared to make all appointments, and remind him to actually show up.  This works best via text, about an hour before he has to be there.

3. You will ALWAYS have to remind him where you are going if you deviate from the original destination.  Sometimes I say “Let’s go to Target” and you will end up at Wal-Mart.  He is so, so bad at that.

4. He drinks five things – Hot black tea with sugar, Coke, Water (by the liter!), Bud Select, or Iced Tea.  Do not EVER offer him coffee. He will make the worst face ever.

5. Try to go to Starbucks when you are not with him. He will endlessly complain and grumble about the $5 coffee.

6. Remind him at dinner out, that hot wings are not a meal.  Adding fries STILL does not make it a meal.

7. If you lay very still with your eyes closed at 5:00am, he will give up and take the dog outside to pee. Unless you have the day off, then he will shake you until you wake up.

8. He is going to talk about getting a handgun a LOT.  I promised him one after the wedding, so he talks about it endlessly.  LOL.  Good luck!

9. Whenever he gets together with his best friend, prepare for LOTS of talk about XBOX and #8.

10.  He is really and truly the greatest, most thoughtful man in the world.  He may forget half of what you say, but he remembers the important things, and will forever make you feel the like most beautiful, perfect woman in the world.  He is going to make an amazing husband, and I love him more than words could ever say.

Post # 16
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is a really awesome thread.

1.   He will research a purchase for several months to a year.  You will eventually forget that he wants to buy this item until is shows up on the front steps.  When it arrives you will know that it is the best possible product for the best possible price.

2.  He will try to improve his car.  Each improvement will cause something to wrong with the car.  This will then cause him to make other highly researched purchases for his car.

3.  Occasionally he will say he’s just going to put the car back to stock and sell all the add ons.  Don’t believe him, just nod and say “yes dear.”

4.  He cannot stand clutter of any kind.  Pick up after yourself constantly.

5.  He’s blunt and straight forward, but very honest.  He’ll tell you the truth if you ask.  If the dress makes you look fat an you ask, he’ll try to lie, but he’ll fail.  You’ve been warned.

6.  Be nice to him.  Respect him and he will treat you like a princess.

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