(Closed) Things about wedding planning that you never understood before becoming a bride

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 32
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i have learnt so much since becoming engaged and planning my own wedding! 

like…

-guest list constraints and how hard it is to make everyone happy

-why some people simply elope

-finding balance between your ‘dream wedding’ and reality

gosh, i feel so grown up writing this!

 

Post # 33
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Why it always seemed like brides would fall off the face of the planet a couple months before there big day..:) I am guilty of that!

Post # 34
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I never understood the per-person costs until planning my own wedding.  I am definitely guilty of getting super annoyed by a cash bar after dinner, and wondering why there weren’t more courses at dinner.  I just never had any idea how much the bride and groom were spending on my food and drink.  Now I have wised up, and in the future I will be far more forgiving…

Post # 35
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

def eloping!

Post # 36
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The Catholic gap for sure! lol

Post # 37
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Before wedding planning, I did not understand what it meant to be a good guest. 

Oh how embarassing, but I will share the list of wedding sins we commited just to prepare you all that people like us might show up at your wedding (my sincerest apologies if they do).

1. My friend at the time (fiance now)- let’s call him Steve, was part of the wedding party and he invited me to be his date 6 months before the wedding.  I’m not even sure if he cleared it with the bride and groom.  We were not in a relationship when he asked me to be his date. I never did see the actual invitation in the mail and I pray that he actually RSVPed and both of our names were on the envelope. Now that I am planning my own wedding, I would be so pissed if someone invited a date 4 months before invites were even sent out.

2. Steve invited me to the wedding for two reasons- first, it was an excuse to reconnect with me because we are all old friends and went to grade school together with the bride and groom. More importantly I think he did it to piss off his ex girlfriend.  We’ll call her Megan for fun.  Backstory- Megan and Steve were together for 7 years and during the first year of their relationship he cheated on Megan with me. I had no idea he had a girlfriend and when I found out we immediately stopped seeing each other. I was a point of contention in their relationship for the next 6 years.

3. We had to travel a long distance to be at the wedding- about 3,000 miles, bought plane tickets, rented a car, had to stay at a hotel for 2 nights, etc.  All in all the expenses for us were at least $1,000 and Steve had just lost his job. Steve convinced me that because we were spending all of this money on traveling to the wedding we should not get the bride and groom a gift. OMG- I WENT TO A WEDDING AND DID NOT BRING A GIFT. He also decided that he didn’t have to pay for his tux rental as a groomsman, and stuck the bride and groom with his $200 bill.

4. At the wedding, I was drawing all sorts of dirty looks from every woman in the room.  Because Megan was part of the wedding party and Steve brought me as his date, there is no fury like a woman scorned.  She was beyond pissed. I don’t think she expected me to show up from 3,000 miles away.  They had originally planned for Steve and Megan to walk together in the processional. Steve was my boyfriend at that point, so he started introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend (not just his date) and the bride and groom decided the day of the wedding to change the order in which people were walking.   

5. Being hated at a wedding and feeling uncomfortable, I decided to get drunk with Steve’s fraternity brothers.  In my drunken stumbling around on the dance floor, I broke a wine glass…okay 3 wine glasses.  Oops.  I am sure the caterer was none too pleased.

It was about 6 months later, when “Steve” proposed and we were starting to plan our own wedding when I realized all of the offensive things we did.  I promptly sent a nice wedding gift still left on their registry (better late than never), an apology note and a check for the $200 tux rental Steve had stuck the bride and groom with. 

They have since forgiven us and I totally deserve it if someone pulls the same craziness at our wedding.

Post # 38
Member
35 posts
Newbee

elopingSmile

no fuss…just me and the love of my life on our big day!!Smile

Post # 39
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

def. being a good guest – I’ve not rsvp’d, not brought a gift, not said hello to the bride & groom, not signed the guestbook, not danced at the dollar dance, not stood up to catch the bouqet, not tipped the bar tender, not purchased off the registry… yikes.  I so want people to do these things at my wedding – i’m expecting it, but being realistic!!

Post # 40
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

Being a good Maid/Matron of Honor.  I was 21 when my sister got married so I didn’t really know what I should be doing as Maid/Matron of Honor.  I only really helped with putting the invites together, planning the bachelorette party, and decorating/preparing their honeymoon suite.  Her other bridesmaid who had been married the year before helped her out with the rest of the planning.   

Post # 41
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@farmersdaughter 

Yes!! Totally.

and @ taylorma5

Me too.  I had just turned 19 when I stood up in my older sister’s wedding, and looking back now I wish someone had given me a book on how to be a good BM!  I had no idea the things I should have organized/pitched in money for, thank goodness her Maid/Matron of Honor was her best friend and not me!

Post # 42
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

RSVPs for sure.  We are already getting verbal rsvps, which bugs the crap outta me, because in my head I’m thinking “I still need to know what you want to eat!”

Post # 43
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

For my HS BFF’s wedding I got there late (missed the ceremony) headed to the reception (which I felt awkward at because my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I were an inter-racial couple at an all white, redneck sort of gathering) and left after 20 minutes.  I totally didn’t think twice about the whole thing…  but now that I am planning my wedding (and a mutual friend of ours is getting married for a second time on the same day – and HS BFF is coming to our ceremony, but not our reception so she can go to the other second wedding) I feel so bad for treating her wedding so lightly.  I don’t think she’s holding a grudge, as her restaurant is catering our reception (yes, the one she isn’t even going to!) for a very good deal.  But darn, I do feel terrible about my behavior at hers.

Post # 44
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I used to hate receiving lines and gaps between the ceremony and the reception, but I understand them now and they don’t bug me.

I also got pissy the first time I went to a reception that was held after 5pm with little finger foods and no sit-down meal. I didn’t say anything out loud of course, but I b*tched about it to my husband after we left. Another time that happened (with no advance warning on the invite) so we skipped out with another couple for a half hour in the middle of the reception to get something to eat. The bride found out we’d left and was upset about it. I actually got annoyed with her. I didn’t say anything to her, but I thought to myself and said to our friends that I thought she was being unreasonable and what did she expect to happen when she didn’t serve real food? What a selfish little wench I was. Embarassed I still don’t really like receptions without a meal, but I understand now why it might be necessary to do it that way, and I’m not so flippin’ uppity about it.

How embarrassing to admit to this in public…

Post # 45
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I never understood why someone would want to elope before I was engaged. I also never understood why people say that weddings and funerals bring out the best and the worst in people. They sure do! I never understood that SO much goes into the planning of a wedding down to every last detail and that the main person directing it all is the bride!!! Last wedding I went to I sent the RSVP like 1 day before it was due. I didnt think it was a big deal because the girl knew I was coming. But honestly, that is my biggest pet peeve right now! Next time I will be RSVPing right away AND adding a little well wish or sorry! depending upon my response!

Post # 46
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

How many people all the sudden want to come to your wedding!  I would always try and get out of going to weddings and now all the sudden folks who I haven’t talked to in who knows how long are assuming they are coming.  I wanted a small 30 person wedding and the minute I turned around it was 60 and the idea still makes me fume.  I look at my Fiance and say “I don’t even know what her husband’s name is and all the sudden everyone assumes she has to come?!?!?!?!” He is very patient but I just can’t believe the guest list growth. 

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