(Closed) Things are not getting any better…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Who is the problem here... really?

    FI... he needs to grow a set

    FMIL... she is a toxic b****

    OP...you're letting it all happen.

  • Post # 78
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 1993

    I’d bizzounce.

     

    Not just from this wedding, but from this man and his family.

    Post # 79
    Member
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Get – out – now. 🙁

    Post # 80
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @mayflowerbride13:  It sucks when things come to an end.  But…you are young, you have great ideas, you see the positive side of things, you come across as being upbeat regardless of all this SHIT…so you will find someone who brings out the best in you, and who you bring out the best in.  It seems as though your fiance cannot get away from his family…which just really sucks.

    If you do stay together, tell him that the guest list is going to ONLY be x number of people (whatever fits your budget).  STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Post # 82
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Sounds like your Fiance finds it easier to make you the scapegoat now too. That way his mother pickson you and not him.

    Saying he won’t put you level with his family…. that’s just a slap in the face. Find someone who wants to make you the most important person. Find a grown up and he can go back to the #1 woman in his life. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    6255 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If his behavior doesn’t change, you should stop spending your spare time planning this hot mess of a wedding, and start using it to draft your Dear John.

    Post # 84
    Member
    3679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    You sound like a really great person who deserves better than what’s being thrown at you. Planning a wedding is stressful for everyone, but I don’t want you to count on things improving after the wedding is over.

    You deserve someone who recognizes how awesome you are!

    Post # 85
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @mayflowerbride13:  I am so glad you are trying counseling. We all only know a little bit of the whole picture but he reminds me so much of my ex husband and ex Mother-In-Law. I have to share custody of my beautiful children with a man I no longer have any respect for and his crazy mother. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did!! With professional help you guys might have a shot but without it things will only get worse. Trust your gut and don’t go through with this wedding until things are better! hugs and good luck!

    Post # 86
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    AHHHHHHH! I want to bang your Future Mother-In-Law and FI’s heads together. (No offence)

    I think you Future Mother-In-Law likes to be the center of attention. She is making this about her and not you and your Fiance. I can’t believe your Fiance cannot see this. Your wedding should be about what you want and things that represent you as a couple. Not what represents him and his side of the family.

    I am so upset for you. You are not ungrateful. Do not for a moment think you are. She did the engagement party to get attention for herself. She’s wearing a ridiculous dress to your semi-formal wedding to get attention yet again and now she’s playing the my FDIL is the problem card.

    If she wants things to be her way she better pay for it. If not, she better start respecting you and your family AND YOUR BACKGROUND! You deserve to have your wedding NOT hers, and your parents deserve to see you happy on your wedding day as I am sure that is why they are helping you so much.

    This isn’t about being ungrateful, this is about your Future Mother-In-Law showing you some respect and letting you plan your day.

    Post # 87
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think you guys need to postpone and not talk about it for awhile. This rift will break you apart if it keeps going this way. Your Fiance needs to take the lead on working out a solution on how to allocate the budget himself. You need to tell him your must-haves and then stand back and let him navigate all this with his mom with a clear set budget limit from your family. Let HIM work out the budget and her demands and see how frustrating it is! That way, you can stop “nagging” him about it. Let him also worry about losing you if he doesn’t stand his ground with his mom.

    As for you, you just need to think of her as mentally ill. Because honestly, who puts their son in all this misery over one night! 

    Also, let Future Mother-In-Law wear the ball gown and look ridiculous.

    Post # 88
    Member
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I have this really  bad feeling that counseling won’t help much.  Your fiance is a pansy who is too afraid to stand up to his mom.  He keeps scrambling to try to make everybody happy, and that just isn’t going to work.  He told you he will always put his mother first, and I think you should take him at his word.  In counseling, he’s just going to try to twist things around in the hopes that the counselor will tell you that you are the one who is being unreasonable.  When that doesn’t happen, he’ll throw his hands up and say screw it.  His mommy is the love of his life, not you.

    Post # 89
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This man has told you he will always put his family first (and what he hasn’t said in words, he has shown through his actions). You have also said that he is the way he is because of his Mom/Parents.

     

    When you have children, this woman will make every attempt to have them turn out exactly like her beloved son. She will scheme to see them, try to turn them against you, go against every preference you have for how they are raised and treat you as irrelevent in her eyes in front of them. Your now Fiance will cry to you and your Dad about it, but he will do nothing to stop her.

    Then you are in this same situation again, but with little lives you are responsible for involved. Your Dad will not always be there to offset her and help you undo the damage.

     

    Will breakfast in bed and grocery store flowers for you and the kids undo that damage and make it up to you?

     

    Post # 90
    Member
    11528 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    View original reply
    @mayflowerbride13:  Ohhhh, Sweetie.  ((((HUGS)))).

    No one should have to approach her wedding day — a day that should be one of the most wonderful and special days of her life — with THIS much pain, grief, sadness, sorrow, stress, and misery. This is not normal or healthy or good.

    I must agree with what some other posters have already mentioned: The fact that your Fiance has already told you that he is never going to choose you over his family is a huge, huge, huge red flag.

    I don’t know your particular faith and belief system. However, in a very key portion of Scripture (Matthew 19:5) relating to Christian marriage, Jesus (quoting Genesis) says:

    “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 

    If your Fiance is not completely and totally willing to “leave and cleave” he should not expect you to marry him. Period. You will never truly be one flesh if your FH allows his mother to be in between you.

    I’m so sorry that you have already invested so much of your heart and life into this relationship and so much of your financial resources into this wedding.  However, your life and your future — and those of your potential future children — are more important than the time, emotion and money you have already expended. 

    Please, please do not move forward with your wedding unless or until these circumstances change. 

    Post # 91
    Member
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @Elvis:  Second this. Third and fourth and fifth it, even.

    The topic ‘Things are not getting any better…’ is closed to new replies.

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