(Closed) Things are not getting any better…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Who is the problem here... really?

    FI... he needs to grow a set

    FMIL... she is a toxic b****

    OP...you're letting it all happen.

  • Post # 92
    Member
    3967 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Op I am glad you plan oN giving this only one lasT shot. I’ve had troubles with my SO standing up to hi parents by nothing like this. Especially when his parents are so clearly taking advantage of your family’s generosity. 

     

    Post # 93
    Member
    3324 posts
    Sugar bee

    I will not comment on the relationship issues (though things are definitely rough).

    BUT, you need to stop telling her about the wedding.  Do not give her details.  “FMIL when we tell you details it just upsets you, so we just want you to come and enjoy yourself” You don’t owe her an explanation or detailed accounting of where your father is spending his money.  In fact, you can turn that back to her.  “FMIL are you really telling my dad HOW he must spend HIS money?” 

    I do find when approaching things using the “Jane Goodall approach” (TM the apes) it makes things easier to deal with.  So take out the emotion.  And approach the situation the way Jane approached her study of the apes.  “The subject was observed to become very aggitated when told she could not have alcohol” 

    It takes practice, but can make dealing with the unpleasant bearable. 

     

    Post # 94
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Oh my, so thankful for my sweet and easy-going future Mother-In-Law…  

    Good luck Frown

    Post # 95
    Member
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    In addition to this story, your ETA is a huge, scary red flag.  When you are married, you and are husband are each other’s family first and foremost.  Him taking the side of his family over you now will only be worse and cause more misery in the future.  

    he sounds like, yes, a titty baby as strawbs said earlier.  do not marry him.

    Post # 96
    Member
    2977 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I know I could never marry a man like this. More power to you if you think you’re up for the challenge….

    Post # 97
    Member
    1975 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    i read this just befaore bed last night and thought to myself “she has to leave him” hopefully counselling will work but in the mean time i suggest postponing the wedding

    Post # 98
    Member
    2008 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Oh boy.  Well, I’m not entirely surprised but sorry it didn’t heed better results for you.

    This woman is a master of her craft and kingdom.  Right now you’re one of her Minions.

    I really think you’ll end up staying with him despite your better judgement.

    Whats next in your plan for sanity?

    Post # 99
    Member
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would be tearing my hair out! AHHHHH! 

    The mother in law is crazy and her son, your fiance’ must be just as crazy. 

    A man that cannot remove the ambilical-cord (sp?) and not stand up for you is a problem. He is letting himself be controlled by his mommy and in turn making you be the “whipping boy” for all of her mommy-son-issues. 

    You can either stand up and fight but realize that your Fiance could turn on you, or you can leave. Save yourself. None of us are in your relationship, we only get a window into your lives and it’s a small window at that but this is huge none the less, a huge red flag for you. 

    I hope something better can come out of this I really do.

    Post # 100
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You have far more patience than me. I would have told her and her son to fu*k off. For real. Future Mother-In-Law is looney tunes and the only way I would marry into that family is if they lived FAR FAR away.

    Post # 101
    Member
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    “You can either stand up and fight but realize that your Fiance could turn on you”

    “ETA: I text him this morning: do you love me enough to work through this
    His answer: I do love you, but things between you and my family need to change because I will never turn my back on my family for anyone.”

    View original reply
    @JoJoDahling:  I’d say he’s already turned on her.  Through some really twisted shit, in his mind this is already her fault.

    Post # 102
    Member
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    How did counseling go tonight?

    Post # 103
    Member
    1139 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    As someone who married into an Italian family a long time ago I can tell you it gets better. It does go back to the way it was after the wedding. Italian men love love love their momma’s. BUT over time it does change and is manageable. It’s just different and yes it took me awhile to get used to a dynamic that for me felt over the top. Italian men who love their momma’s and treat them well make good husbands. It will just take a little while for things to settle down and swing to your favor. My advise is to get your fi, fmil, and ffil in law together and give them the quotes and the amount they have to spend and tell them to have at it. Set the amount at the very top what your willing to spend and tell them to make it happen. Men do this all the time, most have only minimal involvement. Choose the things that you really want to handle, dress, flowers whatever is important to you. Then let them figure it out. If your sure this man is the one and believe that he loves you, let this stuff go. Weddings are 6 hours long and it just isn’t worth it. Good luck!

    Post # 105
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Your posts break my heart 🙁

     

    My opinions is call the “wedding” off, forfeit the 12k, your parents will understand. Approach your Fiance with the elopment as it is just about YOU as it should be. If he refuses, then its time to walk away.

    Post # 106
    Member
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    View original reply
    @mayflowerbride13:  At your counseling last night did you discuss his text message to you and how he basiclaly put it on you to get along with her vs. standing up for you?

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