Post # 107
I did!!! then the counsellor asked him why he’d say that, and he said “because they made me” and then I said something to the effect of how, I knew I was wrong for being a brat @ engagement party, but that it was her that started the bad blood between us and she has yet to apologize.. and how even though he was the one who was telling her that we would do it our way, she turned and blamed it on me.
We ended up talking about how he is quick to point out to me when I do wrong to her, but will not point out to HER that she does wrong to me.. but he’ll agree with me that she does. The counsellor says it’s unbalanced and that it is okay to point out to each of us when we are wrong, but if I realize on my own I did something wrong and am going about trying to fix it, he needs to not rub it in, but that he should equally TELL HER she is wrong in the stuff that she says/does to me… Fiance said he didn’t realize that, and how he was raised was NOT to tell parents what they do is wrong because it is disrespectful (I can kinda see that.. My mom TRIED to teach me the same… I’m just way more….vocal) but that he didn’t realize that it was almost as if he was siding with them, so when I go to talk to her about the e-party and my bratiness, he will say “she feels bad, but I don’t blame her- she was upset because YOU slighted her and disrespected both of us blah blah” and what not.
Post # 108
I wish you luck, cause I would have bailed a long time ago. I really hope that this works out for you. If your FH really does have your back moving foward, then that will be half the battle right there. Nothing worse than not presenting a united front when family interfers.
Post # 109
Wow. Glad you guys went to counseling. I’ve been following your story, and hope things get resolved soon!
Post # 110
- Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago
I’m glad you two are talking to someone, and I hope your Fiance is playing more than just lipservice to what he needs to do to stand up for you against his mother. I hope you stand up for yourself, too, in all aspects.
As far as the wedding, if it happens- JUST STOP Future Mother-In-Law FROM BEING INVOLVED. She sounds terrible, but YOU are the one letting this escalate. Your parents are paying, you make the decisions. Don’t say another word about the open bar (whether you decide to have it or not). You are sending the invitations, yes? So your Future Mother-In-Law has to give you her list of family/friends. If it’s too big, just tell her “50 people are being cut from the list. Either tell me who or i’ll pick randomly.”
My Mother-In-Law is a lovely woman, but she was controlling in her own daughter’s wedding, and we didn’t want her to be that way in ours. My parents paid for our wedding so my position was, “we’re doing what we want, we’ll let you know our plans.” Both my hubs and I are strongly independent and didn’t let anyone influence our vision for our day. In reality, no one even tried to get us to do certain things, and I assume it’s because we’re not wishy-washy people, and we just don’t put up with that shit. Overbearing people (like your FMIL) can almost sense those that are weak-willed and figure out how to control them. Don’t give her any more chances!
With your Fiance, I hope you can work it out, but it seems like he has a long way to go.
Post # 111
Glad to hear the update that you went to counseling together. There’s still hope! Stay strong. ((BIG HUGS))
Post # 113
I feel like he’s just saying what he needs to say to please the counselor (like he does with everyone else in his life… except you?) I’d pay 12k to not be marrying into this family!
Post # 114
Run, run as fast as you can.
Post # 115
I said this on your first post and I think on your second and third- you can’t marry him unless he will choose your happiness over his mother’s happiness. Marriage respects the wife above the mother because guess who you’re living with and perhaps having children with. Sometimes you will be in the wrong against his mother and he will have to say to you “You are wrong. ______ is the right thing to do.” NEVER “Let’s do what my mom says because she is my mom.”
The idea that he would put you in a bad place financially to throw a party is scary. I say “throw a party” because she doesn’t seem to care about the actual ceremony at all.
Post # 116
I said this on your first post and I think on your second and third- you can’t marry him unless he will choose your happiness over his mother’s happiness.
Yup. Until he can honestly say he doesn’t give a shit how his mother feels, he’s not going to be a good partner.
Post # 117
Honey, you really are wasting a lot of time on this. I know that you guys have a house together and stuff and it is not ideal to call off an engagement when the wedding is close. But, you’re not going to be happy with this man. You guys can sell the house, everyone will get over the cancelled wedding. Please don’t subject yourself to a lifetime of “titty baby” and his overbearing mother.
Post # 118
MY ex-MIL LOVED me until we got married. Then, I was viewed as the one who “made her baby move away.” Seriously….If I learned one thing from my first marriage, it’s that most people don’t move away from how they were raised. I’m guessing your Fiance has some issues from being raised by a mother like that. It will not get better. And once you do have kids, it will get a million times worse. Please give this serious consideration.