(Closed) Things are not getting any better…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Who is the problem here... really?
    FI... he needs to grow a set : (154 votes)
    49 %
    FMIL... she is a toxic b**** : (105 votes)
    33 %
    OP...you're letting it all happen. : (57 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 108
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I wish you luck, cause I would have bailed a long time ago. I really hope that this works out for you. If your FH really does have your back moving foward, then that will be half the battle right there. Nothing worse than not presenting a united front when  family interfers. 

    Post # 109
    Member
    6255 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Wow. Glad you guys went to counseling. I’ve been following your story, and hope things get resolved soon!

    Post # 110
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

    I’m glad you two are talking to someone, and I hope your Fiance is playing more than just lipservice to what he needs to do to stand up for you against his mother.  I hope you stand up for yourself, too, in all aspects.

    As far as the wedding, if it happens- JUST STOP Future Mother-In-Law FROM BEING INVOLVED.  She sounds terrible, but YOU are the one letting this escalate.  Your parents are paying, you make the decisions.  Don’t say another word about the open bar (whether you decide to have it or not).  You are sending the invitations, yes?  So your Future Mother-In-Law has to give you her list of family/friends.  If it’s too big, just tell her “50 people are being cut from the list.  Either tell me who or i’ll pick randomly.”  

    My Mother-In-Law is a lovely woman, but she was controlling in her own daughter’s wedding, and we didn’t want her to be that way in ours.  My parents paid for our wedding so my position was, “we’re doing what we want, we’ll let you know our plans.”  Both my hubs and I are strongly independent and didn’t let anyone influence our vision for our day.  In reality, no one even tried to get us to do certain things, and I assume it’s because we’re not wishy-washy people, and we just don’t put up with that shit.  Overbearing people (like your FMIL) can almost sense those that are weak-willed and figure out how to control them.  Don’t give her any more chances!

    With your Fiance, I hope you can work it out, but it seems like he has a long way to go.

    Post # 111
    Member
    9941 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Glad to hear the update that you went to counseling together.  There’s still hope!  Stay strong.  ((BIG HUGS))

    Post # 113
    Member
    3216 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I feel like he’s just saying what he needs to say to please the counselor (like he does with everyone else in his life… except you?)  I’d pay 12k to not be marrying into this family!

    Post # 114
    Member
    1782 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Run, run as fast as you can.

    Post # 115
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I said this on your first post and I think on your second and third- you can’t marry him unless he will choose your happiness over his mother’s happiness. Marriage respects the wife above the mother because guess who you’re living with and perhaps having children with. Sometimes you will be in the wrong against his mother and he will have to say to you “You are wrong. ______ is the right thing to do.” NEVER “Let’s do what my mom says because she is my mom.” 

    The idea that he would put you in a bad place financially to throw a party is scary. I say “throw a party” because she doesn’t seem to care about the actual ceremony at all.

    Post # 116
    Member
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I said this on your first post and I think on your second and third- you can’t marry him unless he will choose your happiness over his mother’s happiness.

    Yup.  Until he can honestly say he doesn’t give a shit how his mother feels, he’s not going to be a good partner.

    Post # 117
    Member
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Honey, you really are wasting a lot of time on this.  I know that you guys have a house together and stuff and it is not ideal to call off an engagement when the wedding is close.  But, you’re not going to be happy with this man.  You guys can sell the house, everyone will get over the cancelled wedding.  Please don’t subject yourself to a lifetime of “titty baby” and his overbearing mother. 

    Post # 118
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @mayflowerbride13:  MY ex-MIL LOVED me until we got married.  Then, I was viewed as the one who “made her baby move away.”  Seriously….If I learned one thing from my first marriage, it’s that most people don’t move away from how they were raised.  I’m guessing your Fiance has some issues from being raised by a mother like that.  It will not get better.  And once you do have kids, it will get a million times worse.  Please give this serious consideration.

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