(Closed) Things are not great anymore…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hmm…what’s he doing up all night? Online? Do you know for sure he is playing games/programming? Something is definitely going on with him.

Post # 5
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Counseling! The two of you need to see a couple’s counselor together. It wouldn’t hurt for you to both go individually as well. 

Post # 6
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i am so sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with it. have you thought about therapy? for both of you individually (especially him – the feeling as if he is going to get sick all the time DEFINITELY needs to be addressed) and together? he is acting like a child

Post # 7
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Have you and your Darling Husband ever tried any couple’s counseling?  If not, I would strongly recommend that you explore the idea very soon.  A trained, qualified counselor could help the two of you learn to understand yourselves, and each other, as well as the dynamics of your relationship, much better. 

Post # 9
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You say, Look, we’re going to counseling. Get on board. Let’s go.

Especially if his MOM is saying he needs to go. Is he depressed/down about something and just lashing out? I do that, instead of showing feelings I just push away or act mad.

Post # 10
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“Honey, I really think that we need to talk to someone about the issues we’ve been having in our marriage lately.”

Something along those lines. 

Every male I’ve ever known has hated words like “counseling” and “therapy” so try to avoid them, but still get the point across. 

Post # 11
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@MississippiQueen:  Hmm…what’s he doing up all night? Online? Do you know for sure he is playing games/programming? Something is definitely going on with him.

LOL…you obviously have no experience with gamers.  We can spend hours on our computer, and we’re not looking at porn or having online affairs.  It is easy to lose track of time when you’re in gamer mode.

HOWEVER, this is affecting his daily life, and that’s not okay.  Going to work tired on occasion because you were up too late is one thing.  Being LATE for work because you were up too late gaming signals there is a problem.  Staying up later than your spouse a night or two a week is one thing.  NEVER going to bed with your spouse because you’re gaming isn’t okay.  

Has he been tested for depression?  Because it sounds like he has many of the symptoms.  Plus, I think he’s making himself think he’s sick more than he’s actually sick.  I could be wrong…there are many illnesses that doctors fail to diagnose, and I am not a doctor.  But if I started Googling symptoms every time I got the sniffles, I’d probably freak myself out, too.

Please, have him get checked out for depression.  And then he needs to see a counselor for his computer addiction.  

Post # 13
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@wantstohelpandgethelp:  couseling? I have always wanted to go to couseling, I seriously think I need it. but, its difficult for me to talk about anything that is hard wihtout balling like a baby.

And you know what?  Counselors are used to people crying in their office.  They won’t think any less of you for it.  

Post # 16
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry that you are going through these problems. I’m sorry too that you are not feeling well and aren’t getting the nurturing you deserve. I hope you feel better soon.

It sounds to me like there is something psychological going on with your husband. There seems to be a germ phobia and fear of illness for sure. Was there some incident that triggered the change in behavior? When did he start to isolate himself at home? Do you know what kind of gaming and programming he is doing? Has his personality changed to the extent that you might suspect anything else?

You mentioned obsessive and irresponsible. It could be depression. Can you talk to him about your concerns from a health perspective because it doesn’t sound like it’s all behavior related to me. Ideally you could have an evaluation by a counselor or maybe start with family Dr.

Your feelings are valid. Whatever the reason, you feel very alone and that’s understandable. In order to improve the relationship, you and he need to get to the cause of this change.

Hugs.

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