(Closed) Things have just been put into perspective.

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

OK -one thing that struck me was your “ifs” (If we have kids, if we can travel).  Even in the perfect situation, things can happen to change the quality of life.  People who have been perfectly healthy have had things happen (disease, accidents) that change the quality of life and they adjust.  So, don’t live on “what ifs” because they’re so out there and unanswerable and unpredictable.  Your life can change at the drop of a hat and you need to adjust accordingly.  If you live based on “what ifs”, is that really living at all? 

I am sure that your SO’s health condition is known at work and I’m sure they expect that he will need to use the majority of his benefits.  It’s one thing if people start abusing benefits for things they don’t need.  It’s another thing when you’re using benefits for survival.  I am sure his employers understand that he is in a different position than other employees.  My DH’s cousin has lupus and his employers are aware of the situation and his medical needs and have said squat about him using his medical benefits. 

If you get depressed, seek medical help.  If he gets depressed, he should as well. 

You closed with “Him being here, us being together, that’s what matters the most.”  If that’s true, then be patient and things will pick up.  Ride out the storm and wait for the shore.  Sometimes it seems everything hits at once and it’s all out of control.     

Best wishes, sweetie!

Post # 5
302 posts
Helper bee

Man, life has a way of really hitting things hard at once, doesn’t it? It’s not enough that many of life’s biggest milestones all happen within a few years–graduations, engagements, buying houses, weddings, kids….–but adding on medical stuff and job frustrations doesn’t help at all.  When you talk about being Settled, I can see how that is frustrating–I don’t feel like life ever “settles.” People say that you are never ready to have a kid until it just happens.  I think it’s the same with everything in life.  We want to get married but we are waiting for things to happen (house, money, etc).  We are probably not going to be in a comfortable financial position for YEARS, so why not travel through life’s journey as a married couple?  Why wait until we think everything is perfect–I think it’s perfect the way it is now! That is just one of the many frustrations of waiting to be “settled.” I am sorry to hear that your SO’s condition now has another condition.  I’m sure he loves having you there with him through all of his ordeal, strengthening your relationship that much more.

I know it sucks waiting when you know you have found the one and you just want to move forward together.  It sucks that other things have to get in the way of something that will make you guys happy and could help give you some happiness in a stressful time.  Just know that even if it isn’t right now, when your time comes you will be so so happy that you let your love ripen to where it will be at that time.  I have to tell myself the same thing.  I wish we could be getting married soon, as it has been long enough already, but I know when we do take the plunge that we will have a strong and understaning relationship, one that I won’t fear will fail in a few years’ time.  When you add into the equation the fact that you are helping him and standing by him even with a lifelong illness, that only make the bond stronger.  This part of the relationship sucks, that’s for sure, but in the grand scheme of things it is only a fraction of the life you will live together. 

I hope venting made you feel at least a little better.  I know for me sometimes that’s all I need–a place or an ear to vent to.  I’m sure your future is on his mind and it will only be a matter of time before he takes some action. Good luck, girl, we are hear to be your ear!

Post # 7
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

When DH’s cousin w/lupus got married, he was diagnosed shortly after he started dating his wife.  She was with him through the good, the bad and the very bad.  When the “in sickness and in health” part of the ceremony came, they both kind of started to laugh as the priest said the words and everyone at the wedding started to laugh because it was a total “Well, duh – they’ve done that” moment.  But, when they had to say the words to each other, they broke down in tears.  It was very touching and we were all in tears!  

Chin up, sweetie.  Remember that when it rains, it pours.  At some point, the sun will come out and you’ll see that beautiful rainbow!

Post # 8
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry. I’m not sure if you are a believer, but know what? I don’t care if you aren’t! I’m praying for y’all girl! I know things are hard and it seems like y’all are about to hit the bottom, but things are going to work out.

My SO isn’t sick, but I know how hard life gets sometimes. Sometimes everything happens at once, but trust me, everything is going to work out. It always does.


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