(Closed) Things learned while involved in being in other people’s weddings…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

– I will not make my entire bridal party sit at one table during the reception;

– I will ask for my BM’s advice on their wardrobe for the wedding day;

– I will try to assist my BM’s in paying for their stuff (i.e. dress, shoes etc.);

– I will not expect a gift from my BM’s (nor anyone who attends the wedding);

I can go on forever with this list.  But you get my point.

I have been in some weddings where all of the above has NOT happened and I couldn’t wait for the wedding to come and go. 

Post # 4
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you’re going to make your bridal party get to an afternoon wedding two hours early for pictures and then keep them til your dessert reception that doesn’t end til about six, please just make them some sandwiches or suggest that they bring their own. BMs have stomachs too, and even if you’re too nervous to eat, they probably aren’t!

Post # 5
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Something I always said once I started going to weddings was this; if I have a sit down dinner then there’ll be a sweetheart table. People want to see the bride and groom! It’s fairly common here to have round tables and for the B&G to be on a “Head Table” in the middle totally surrounded by their wedding party. It always feels like you can’t go say hi to them because it’s Fort Knox.

I also would always go and check in on each table whilst people are still sitting down – because it’s awful to be saying goodbye to people to realize that you haven’t actually spoken to that one couple at all during your whole wedding reception! I once didn’t get to talk to the groom until the very end when he was drunk and could hardly remember me – not exactly the most fun conversation I’ve ever had with him.


If you have a dress then please please tell someone who is not in your wedding party how to do the bustle. I was at a friends wedding a couple weeks ago – her Maid/Matron of Honor left halfway through the meal claiming she wasn’t well and the bride didn’t get her to tell anyone how to do the bustle. Halfway through the dancing I was called to the bride because she remembered that I had gotten married and nobody else could figure out the bustle! Thankfully I know quite a bit about them and was able to do it for her but nobody else knew! Not even the MOB! It was madness.

Post # 6
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry you have to go through that, I was a BM (while in college) and found out that I had to spend 450$ on a hand made dress that was sewn incorrectly and I would never wear again. She is a really good friend of mine, but I learned when you’re in a wedding party you have to suck it up, and shut up, because I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Proceeding with your question, I learned through other peoples weddings that..

-Less is More

-Brides should SMILE

-Don’t make guest wait 3 hours for a reception while you go take pictures

-Bad FOOD will be talked about FOREVER (My favorite)


Post # 7
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I went to a bridal show, it was a little overwhelming for me personally. You get tugged and pulled with every vendor in your face. I did get a LOT of information and prices though. I actually went with a couple vendors from the bridal show. The ones I went with weren’t all up in my business and I felt like they were the best there (in their category photographer). I had one lady literally dragging me to her booth even though I told her REPEATEDLY that I wasn’t interested in have a sex toy party. She was pulling my arm (even after I pulled it away several times) and telling me that she was going to sign me up for a home party. Finally my Fiance and mom jumped in there and was like we have to go.

It wasn’t horrible but at times uncomfortable. However they keep thinking my sister and mom were the brides maybe its because it was winter and I wore jeans and a sweatshirt and they wore something a little more cute.

Post # 8
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@BlueRidgeMere: Did you happen to go to the Bridal Show in Greenville, SC at the Carolina First Center last night???? If so, I went too!! I saw the shrimp in the ice sculpture. I hate you didn’t have a really good experience. My Fiance and I had a blast and I even won a free veil.

I’ve been in 5 weddings in the past 2 and half years (MOH in 3) and have learned a lot.

I will not ask my Bridesmaid or Best Man to buy really expensive dresses and shoes. I actually plan to purchase their shoes for them or contribute towards them as my gift.

I will not put extreme expectations on them for the shower, bachelorette party or any other gathering. One girl wanted us to pay around $600 for just the facility for her shower not including the food where a bottle of water cost around $2.50 a bottle.

@jo.lee: I agree with you on having something for my wedding party to eat while waiting. At one wedding I was STARVING! It was an outdoor wedding in June that started late and the food wasn’t ready when it was time to eat. Not to mention the bridal party had to fix their own plates and we ate last. Most of the food was gone by the time we ate!

I also won’t require gifts from my bridal party. Their participation is gift enough.

I also make a conscious effort not to talk wedding stuff with them everyone converstaion I have with them.

I could write a book on this.


Post # 9
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I will serve the appropriate food types (ie NO heavy finger foods at an evening/ night wedding)

I will make sure the venue is large enough for everyone to be sitted

I will make sure children are left at home (parents do not watch their kids I’ve found)

I will double check my RSVPs and keep a list at the door

I will not spend more than $5 a table for centerpieces


Post # 10
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@suburban:– I will not make my entire bridal party sit at one table during the reception


This. SO was a Groomsmen in his brother’s wedding and the head table was across the dance floor. I had to sit with the parents at a lunch table, on a stool. The reception was a buffet with plastic plates and silverware and dixie cups for drinks (which is TOTALLY FINE if that’s what you want) but please don’t then also have a fancy, white linen-lined head table where only the bridal party can sit. It was so weird.

– I will not mandate a dress for my sisters (BMs). I’ll show them what I like and let them pick what they want.

– There will be no tuxes. Ghastly expensive to rent!

– I will not have favors. They are a waste of money and no one ever does anything with them except chuck them!

– Cutting flowers from my mother’s extensive garden will not only be cheaper but will reduce the ‘omg the flowers aren’t here yet!’ freakout that I’ve encountered at two weddings.

Post # 11
4159 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m just stating what we’re doing for our wedding and not putting down other people if they are doing things we aren’t and vice versa!

My Fiance and I won’t be having a head table.  We will be sitting on the same level as everyone else (not elevated) with our immediate family at our table, rather than our bridal party.  It might be awkward for the spouses or dates of the wedding party to have to sit alone especially if they don’t know anyone else.

We won’t be taking photos between the ceremony and reception – they’re at the same venue, and I don’t want our guests to have to wait there for a couple hours with nothing to do.  It’s at a golf course in the country, so it’s not like they can drive to the city easily, especially since most people are oot guests.

I’m going to try my hardest not to be a bridezilla.  My sis (whos my MOH) told me she could see me being a bridezilla, but not a mean one, just one who wants perfection.  She knows me too well haha. 

Post # 12
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I will make sure the ceremony musicians know what they’re doing by hiring them more than one month in advance.

I will have assigned tables at the reception.

I might give the bridesmaids freedom to choose their own dress.

I will have a good DJ at the reception who can really get everyone out on the dancefloor.

I will smile while walking down the aisle.

Post # 13
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If I say I’m providing transportation to our remote wedding location for all my close local friends & out of towners, I won’t cancel one of the shuttle busses the night before and leave people stranded with no way to get to my wedding. (A fact we weren’t made aware of until we were standing there waiting for the shuttle.)

And when I then call and order two taxi vans to take the stranded folks, I will give the dispatcher a credit card and not force my friends to pay almost $300 in cab fare to get to my wedding out in BFE.

Also, I will clearly communicate IN ADVANCE the meetup spot/time for said shuttles and not leave people trying to chase down that information.

I will also not ask my friend and her husband to learn a song to sing/play during my ceremony, have them attend my almost 2.5 hour rehearsal at said remote location on a WORK DAY and then inform them after the rehearsal is over that the song is out.

And when I discover that said friends are upset at being jerked around like that, I won’t stomp off in a huff and accuse them of making me cry the night before my wedding and scream at them, "WE’VE ALREADY APOLOGIZED!!!"

Post # 14
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Theresa90405:  OMG @ And when I then call and order two taxi vans to take the stranded folks, I will give the dispatcher a credit card and not force my friends to pay almost $300 in cab fare to get to my wedding out in BFE.

That was so TACKY I might have just took back my wedding gift!

Post # 15
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@7mom: We sooo thought about that! Because guess what…we had the same situation trying to get home that night! And we were stranded in a canyon for an hour and a half waiting for cabs to even drive out to where we were. And we had even more cab fare to pay…

I’m not really sure what these people were thinking…but their wedding ended with a lot of hard feelings/negativity. Not a great way to end a wedding celebration!

Post # 16
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Theresa90405: Wow. That sounds like an awful wedding experience.

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