(Closed) Things people automatically assume when you announce your engagement

posted 6 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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MissCountryGirl727:  ALL the exact same! We’ve been together almost 7 years and people thought we weren’t sure or had commitment issues…we were busy with our careers and finances and we like to enjoy each of our steps together without rushing to the next.

His mom stated more than once she wish we were having a church wedding. We’ve NEVER been to church together…or at all for that matter the entirety of our relationship.

Post # 47
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

The main one that’s bugged me is Fiance family assuming I would ask Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid. I don’t know her. We don’t talk and we don’t see each other. He doesn’t see her. Bridesmaid or Best Man to me are people you’re closest to, so I had my sister and my best friend. I only want 2. But instead she went tantrum central and any second thought I had about asking her has gone (she’s a 30 year old woman. Youwouldn’t think this!)

 

His dad presuming we’d be having a court room wedding “like everyone else” he thinks were being a bit snobby by having a church wedding. But our local church is beautiful we’re lucky we have such a pretty church that we are eligble to get married in to have great photos in, we want a nice wedding thats us not a court room quicky lol

Post # 48
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

wow I was really lucky.. aside from my Maid/Matron of Honor who guessumed she’d be at the very least a bridesmaid.. I can’t think of anything else.  FMIL and my parents had some assumptions, but they’ve been pretty good at rolling with the punches.  No one assumed they were invited when they weren’t.. a couple asked me if I was having/wanted a bridal shower or bachelorette party, but I assume those inquiries were at least in part gauging if they should offer to throw it (as they were from close friends)–since I don’t want either it’s hard to know precisely why they asked, but either way they didn’t skip a beat when I said no.

I bet it helps that most of my friends who’ve been married recently had no bridal party, limited bridal/bachelorette parties, and pretty non-traditional weddings, so no one has any expectations anymore!

Post # 49
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

Been together for 5 years, having a 7 month engagement – I’m obviously pregnant. 

When I say I’m not, they comment that I will be soon! When I say, “Oh, no children for us!” they keep insisting. And that’s when I start talking about my partners vasectomy…

Post # 50
Hostess
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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TwilightRarity:  I’m glad that you and your Fiance have found something that works well for you; 10 years is awesome!  If you don’t mind me prying, what is it about separate residences that works for you?  Is it a quality or habit that he has that made you want your own space or vice versa? Has this always been how you/he felt or did one have to convince the other a little?  Also, are you both neighbors or do you live across town from each other? I’m sorry for the onslaught of questions, but I am honestly curious!

Post # 51
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Gosh that “When is the date?” One so soon after is annoying!! Me and the Mr just started plucking random dates out of the air lol. 

Post # 52
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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TwilightRarity:  I would think the couple living together after marriage is a fair assumption though…

Post # 53
Hostess
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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cooperlove:  Yes same thing here! Lol Together over 4 years, get engaged, choose June 4 2016, then decided to get married Oct 2 2015. It’s been 5 months since we got married….still not pregnant. Lol

Post # 54
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I will say that if you’re specifically announcing your engagement (as opposed to it coming up in conversation or being “announced” by FB or something), I do understand why people would assume that they’re invited. Honestly I think I would probably assume that. When I got engaged I made sure to only call and “announce” to family that I knew I would invite. Other people heard through the grapevine or found out on Facebook.

Post # 55
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

 

I agree that surprise and/or disappointment in our not setting a date immediately was a bit of an annoyance. 

Having said that, I can’t deny that a pet peeve of MINE is when you announce your engagement but tell me you’re not planning on setting a date or a wedding/elopement/etc. of any kind at any time. That baffles and even annoys me. Why claim the title of being “engaged” if you’re not engaging to actually do anything?

Just my $0.02.

 

Post # 56
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

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ABusyBride:  

A fair point, IMO.

 

Post # 57
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

– that they’re boyfriends/girlfriends of 3 months were invited

– that I’m pregnant

– that we’re having a wedding (I actually didn’t want one, Fiance wanted one so I gave in)

– that I’m planning the wedding (FI wanted the wedding so he will be equally as involved as I) 

– that we have a wedding date (we’ve been engaged for 2.5 months and we still don’t have a concrete date, just a preferred month)

– my sister assumed she’d not only be a bridesmaid, but Maid/Matron of Honor (we’re not even close…)

– that I wanted to share my engagement story – I actually think this is personal and want to keep the special moment for myself.

– that I wouldn’t wear white….should I be offended by this one?

Side note: if someone personally told me they’re engaged I would assume that I was invited, otherwise, it’s kind of awkward telling me……But I would NOT expect an invite if it was on Facebook – it’s Facebook…people add people they’ve met once….

Post # 58
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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MeandMyLouboutins:  that makes sense! A lot of the people asking us, though, know the reasons that we do not live together and they know that those circumstances aren’t changing after the wedding so there wouldn’t suddenly be more reason to live together just because the wedding happened.

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CinqueTerre:  All good! I’m happy to answer if I know what the question is. We each live in the areas where we work, about an hour apart. We also have very different living habits and expectations of our homes. And we’re really compatible in that neither of us desires to live with a partner more than half the week. So we spend half the week at one home or the other and have space to live according to our individual needs during the week.

We did live together for about a year after our son was born but it was enough to convince us to maintain our other arrangement!

I haven’t ever wanted to live with a partner. For a long time I assumed I would have to do it anyway because that’s what is expected. But, statistically, women generally give up more (in terms of quality of life) when living with a male partner while men’s quality of life usually goes up (they live longer, are more likely to visit the doctor regularly, etc). Women tend to sleep more poorly, do more housework and shoulder more of the burdens of child care.  I find that separate living arrangements helps keep the fire alive in our relationship and the built in spaciousness means we have plenty of downtime to address differences or conflicts in ways that find win wins for both of us. 😊

Post # 59
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

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mrshall2b:  we had a date super early on and then people were shocked that we had an answer! You can’t win!

Post # 60
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I also got the “you got engaged officially 2m ago, when is the wedding” thing, as well as people wanting us to tell the story (we talked about it from very early on in our relationship, then when we decided we were long enough in, we spent like a month picking out the ring together and then it came in the mail super early in the morning and I was too sleepy to get out of bed so he just stuck it on my finger and then we went back to sleep lol). The other huge one was nonstop baby pressure. Apparently the norm in FI’s family is to just start popping ’em out and not worry about marriage anyways, so the fact that we included marriage as a step just makes things worse somehow lol

But I think -I- actually made the worst assumption when my Maid/Matron of Honor announced her engagement… See the thing is I don’t have too many close friends in general and often forget that my friends have other friends outside of the circle I know them in… I actually assumed I would be her Maid/Matron of Honor and made a comment in passing to that effect… Can’t even remember what it was now, this was 2 years ago… but it was sooooooo awkward that I’m still cringing about it now. She was like “um actually this person is my MOH” and I was like “oh”. Oooooooooops. lol

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