Post # 1
I am pretty new to this site and this is my first post. 🙂
I’m just wondering if there are certain things I can plan before actually being officially engaged? My boyfriend and I have been talking for a long time about getting married and we are in complete agreement with marriage. Right now the only thing holding us back is finances and after doing the math and thinking about it we are sure we can be ready within one year. He however wants to be sure he is completely financially stable before officially proposing, which I respect! He wants me to start planning small details on the wedding though since our engagement will most likely be short…we just dont see any reason to have a long engagement because once we are engaged we will be completely ready financially for marriage and we will just want to be married asap. So anyways, I’m just wondering if anyone has planned their wedding before their actual engagement? Or what are some small things I can figure out? I would love to get as much planned as possible so that our wedding plans will be easier once we are engaged. I will not set a date or chose a venue right now, but I’m open to hear what worked for other people, and get some advice!
I hope this makes sense…I think I need some more coffee to be able to type something coherently. 😉
Any advice is appreciated!
Post # 3
I think it’s a good idea as far as figuring out the key details, like overall what kind of wedding you’d like to have. Who you might want to invite, general venue ideas, dress styles… etc. Also it might help you draw out a budget and motivate you to save up like you mentioned.
I personally wouldn’t get into the nitty gritty details until I am engaged. probably because I am a procrastinator 🙂
Post # 4
I know some bees will say not to do anything at all, but I don’t see anything wrong with making a mock budget and seeing what options are availbale in your price range for big things like venue, photographer, caterer… If you’re going to have a short engagement, you’re going to want to book those things shortly after the engagement. I think it could also be fun to look at color schemes or wedding themes, or educate yourself about what type of dresses or flowers you like. Maybe start following some interior design blogs?
Post # 5
Wow! Thanks so much for the responses! I was honestly terrified to post this because I thought people may think I’m totally crazy for wanting to plan ahead of time. I have already looked at some color schemes, songs, and dresses.
Do you think it is too early to go try dresses on to get an idea of what I like?
Post # 6
@OneLuckyGirl19: SO and I are in this boat. Not engaged yet, but it’s going to happen. I started creating inspriation boards and pricing dresses (not trying them on yet though mind you), and got an idea for the type of wedding I want. In October I opened a savings account for this and I’m putting money in there every paycheck. It gives me peace of mind to know that even if we don’t get engaged for another year…the wedding is going to be pretty much paid for!
ETA: WELCOME TO THE HIVE!!
Post # 7
This is a fun time for you to just dream about what you want in a wedding! I personally dont see anything wrong with planning small details, especially because it sounds like you and your boyfriend are on the same page. I would first think about things like budget and overall feel of what you want. For myself, I wouldn’t want to actually try on dresses unless I could get excited about buying one, but it is your call 🙂
Post # 8
My first time around this block I went to look at dresses without a ring (it was being made and wouldn’t be ready for 2 months). The sales ladies pointedly looked at my bare ring finger and didn’t take me seriously. Definitely a Prety Woman shopping experience. Plus bridal shops ask for your contact info and you start getting calls from them. Make sure he won’t be freaked out by the calls and buy yourself a fake 2 carat. It’ll be free champagne then! Haha!
Post # 9
I’ve planned a lot of it without an official proposal. We have set a date.
We’ve looked at venues, we had a front runner, visited, met with the wedding planner and said ‘hell no’. Now we have a 2nd option.
We know the theme, colours, I’ve sourced out items for centrepieces (and collected ideas on how to actually make it happen), I’ve researched dresses, shoes, headpieces, save the dates/invitations/thank you cards, decided on favours/donations, sorted out flowers (it helps that I have a bridal florist in the family), chosen BMs, GMs, Flower Girl, Ring Bearer, officiant, DJ, we’ve started looking at photographers but haven’t made any decisions. A lot of these things are priced out and decided, we’re waiting to have the venue before signing contracts/making purchases. I’m waiting for the ring before I go dress shopping. Our guest list (first draft) is done. We’ve sorted out the kind of ceremony we want and the important parts (we’re doing traditional vows, having a harpist, walking to traditional music, etc.) He’s chosen his wedding band, I am waiting for my ring before I can choose mine. I’ve budgeted each line item. We have a set amount for each thing. There’s still enough to do! Everything has to be booked, officially. We haven’t started looking at cakes.
There’s a lot you can do, if you want.
Post # 10
To start, as long as you are in communication with your SO, planning before engagement is completely fine.
I am in a similar situation, my SO of over 6 years and I know we are getting married, but we aren’t officially engaged. We have discussed the date, venue, guestlist, and colors. I have started looking into which style dress I would like also. I want to save money, so I am looking out for sales too.
Post # 11
Sounds fine to me. I’m in the same boat as you. My SO and I have pretty much contemplated what we want and I simply made a wedding pinterest board to get some ideas from both of us. 🙂
Post # 12
Im a waiting bee- proposal will likely happen in the next 6 months.
I’m only doing online research so I will be ready to book when it’s official. Im saving dress shopping and bridal magazines for when I have my rock 🙂
Thus far I know: budget, date, guestlist, caterer options, wedding planner, decor, venue, invites, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, favors, florist, photographer, videographer and I have a ton of inspiration pics on a secret pinterest board.
Im kind of obsessed but I am saving somethings for the engagement and not actually booking anything. I saw a dear friends life turn to hell over wedding planning and I really just want to be able to make decisions instantly because of all this research.
Post # 13
@OneLuckyGirl19: I did not plan anything beforehand, and I guess I would advise against it. I just do not see the point of it until there is an engagement.
Post # 14
Start researching everything like venues you like, caterers, DJs and photographers. That way you have 2 or 3 you like of each and as soon as you get engaged you can book them. Picking out a venue took the longest for us, and we started looking before we were engaged. Still took us 3 months to find one we liked, fit our guest list, and fit our budget.
Start a guest list! You can’t pick a venue without knowing how many you will invite, and don’t just guess how many people you will invite, actually write it down. Many brides have said “I want a wedding of 100” and find out they actually have 150 people they want to invite. If your venue seats 100, you are SOL.
Post # 15
I don’t think you should try on wedding dresses just yet because your vision or dress preferences may or may not change a lot in the next year…and you don’t want to get your heart set on one or get stuck with one. My fiancé and I started out planning our wedding before there was an official ring, but we just did things like look at venues and save the dates. We didn’t announce we were getting married or actually order anything until after he did the “official proposal”….except for the venue. He did put down a deposit for the venue we found and liked just so we could reserve the date.
I would say select colors, song choices, get a head start on the guest list, start a “preliminary” budget, and start doing research on venues.
Post # 16
Since your SO wants you to start planning, I think it’s ok to start. Budget, guest list, theme/feel of the day and type of venue (eg.country house, hotel, meadow or back garden etc.) are good places to start.
However, I wouldn’t start trying on dresses yet. Partly because the sales assistants will want to know your date, and partly because I think you should save that for the excitement of the engagement!! Won’t you want to take family and friends with you? I think you should leave that for when it’s official.