(Closed) Things we will never admit outloud, but thinking while TTC….

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

At work we are doing our 2013 planning, and there are a few projects I really don’t want to work on. Everytime we start discussing those projects, I tune out and think “I’ll probably be too pregnant/on maternity leave and won’t have to work on them. YAY!” I know it’s bad, but I can’t help it!

I also am kinda self-conscious because Darling Husband made the mistake of slipping to a few people that we were thinking about starting to TTC this summer. We put it off for a few months to work through some issues, but now everytime I see them, I am convinced that they are feeling pity for us because we’re having trouble TTC. I want to say something like “we only just started trying”, but that just sounds desperate to me…. so I’m just at a loss….

Post # 4
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@StaceyA : I totally get the wanting to be pregnant first thing. We went to FBIL’s wedding two weekends ago and even though they are both still in grad school I’m terrified that they will get pregnant first. 

I’m also terrified that I will never get pregnant.  I was never what you would call consistent taking my pill and I never had so much as a pregnancy scare.  It makes me worry.

Post # 5
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ExcitedScaredBee:  Haha I totally understand the work thing. We have a huge project that’s scheduled to wrap up next September and I’m like hmm hopefully I won’t be around for that. Unfortunatenly it also causes me major anxiety to think of someone else wrapping it up and dealing with the audit and trying to throw me under the bus just because I might not have done it the way they did.

Post # 6
Member
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Whne I told my close friends (who just recently got married) that we were trying, my friend, she looked at her husband and said “I really want to try, too.” So she is telling me that she bought tests and she is hoping she gets pregnant this month. And here I am waiting for AF because I got a negative test at CD28. Ugh.

 

I feel terrible for feeling this way, but it’s true. I feel as though if she gets pregnant first, it won’t be FAIR. And that seems like I total biotch.

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I’m not TTC but I had that fear ALL The time….then my sister did get pregnant before me. at 17 years old. Then I found out It’ll be super hard for me to have kids or I won’t have any at all….It’s pretty depressing. I agree It sounds super b*tchy but my sister has ALWAYS done everything first/got everything handed to her on a golden platter, now here I am trying to get married and she’ll probably get to do that first too.

Post # 9
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh, I can completely relate, unfortunately. ๐Ÿ™

My DH’s best friend and his wife have a 2 year old daughter (who I love to pieces!). I have become closer with all of them over the years, and she just informed me last month that they are TTC for #2. It only took her 2 months to get pregnant with her daughter, so I have a feeling she’s going to pregnant again pretty soon. I know it’s not a race, but sometimes I just wish it would happen for us soon.

It doesn’t help that no one really knows that we are TTC, and I always get questions from people at work asking when we are going to have a baby. I just want to scream, “We’re trying!!!”

Post # 10
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@StaceyA:  I totally get the wanting to be first. I’m 4 and 5 years younger than my older siblings and they both had babies last year. I love them to  pieces and was definitely not ready for a baby yet, so it’s not like I was upset to not be first. BUT, Darling Husband is the oldest and I really want our baby to be first on his side. I know it doesn’t matter, but I still want it! Luckily, his youngest brother and his Girlfriend are definitely not on the baby train any time soon, and his middle brother just broke up with his girlfriend (see– horrible that I would say luckily to that!)

@ExcitedScaredBee:  I’m sort of sick of my job at the moment and have those thoughts every day. Oh, I won’t have to worry about that, I’ll be out of here by then. 

I’m only on my first real cycle TTC, too, so I should just relax, but we all know how easy that is. 

Post # 11
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@StaceyA:  I did the same thing with my summer clothes!! Also, some of my pants are getting a tiny bit tight on me, but I’m so hesitant to go out and buy 1 size up because I’m hoping to get pregnant soon and I don’t know what size I will be once I have the baby, so I don’t want to be stuck with a bunch of almost new pants that I can’t even wear….

Post # 12
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My brother and his wife got married exactly 4 weeks before us, after being engaged a few months, and us having our date set for 3 years. He outright told my mom that the reason they had the wedding when they did was because he wanted to get married before his “little sister” (I’m 2 years younger), and they know we’re going to start TTC right away and he always thought he’d have the first grandchild. It all stems from a conversation I had with him about the fact that I was SO stoked to be the first kid in our entire family (the cousins) to get married, and that it was like a marker in time showing the beginning of a new era because we’re now all reaching that age where marriage and children are in the cards. I talked to him about how special I felt being the first, and about how we’re going to start TTC right away and how great it would be to give our parents a grandchild, and our grandparents their first great-grandchild.
So, yeah….my brother took that conversation to be a challenge of some sort. He’s always been a selfish and competitive twat, and I’ve always happily faded into the background to let him shine because I’ve never been interested in getting caught up in his “show”. But after the wedding crap went down (our entire family was in uproar – I’m over it though), I started feeling this overwhelming urge to put my foot down and say “hey! f#ck you! this is one thing I will have of my own!”. So now I totally feel like I have to get pregnant first. I know it’s stupid, I know it’s immature, petty and pathetic. Believe me, I don’t feel GOOD about my feelings……but I can’t help it. So now I am trying my damnedest to get that first baby cooking.
So, besides all the other amazing reasons to get pregnant, this has been a huge factor in my NOW NOW NOW motivation.

Post # 13
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@MrsPuddingface:  Ok, so I having been keeping up with the TTC board (lurking) to cheer you guys all on (in an internet way).  But I have to say after hearing that story, I am suddenly sending a very large portion of my internet cheering your way.  

Post # 14
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OK. Here’s my dirty little secret that I am ashamed to admit, even to Darling Husband….SIL & Brother-In-Law (DH’s sister) are expecting their first baby in Dec. It will be the first grandchild on DH’s side. They are younger than us and got married first but I still always thought we would have a baby first because we are older. So, the bratty kid in me is a little jealous that they get to have the first grandchild. My Mother-In-Law is over-the-moon excited about being a grandma and I just can’t shake the jealousy. They announced they were pregnant the first month we decided to TTC. They are team green and Mother-In-Law wants a little girl SO BAD (I’ll actually feel a bit bad for the kid if it’s a boy. That’s how badly the family wants a girl). Anyway, I now find myself desperately hoping she doesn’t have a girl. If they get to have the excitement of having the first grandchild I at least want to have the chance to have the girl they so badly want. UGGGHH what is wrong with me?! SIL & Brother-In-Law are the sweetest, kindest people I know. They will be AMAZING parents and deserve this happiness. I am excited to be an aunty again (I have six nieces and nephews on my side) and Darling Husband is looking forward to being a biological uncle. These people don’t deserve my negativity, even if they have no idea what I’m thinking. Tell me I’m not a bad person ๐Ÿ™

Post # 15
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@iRun2004:  This really made me giggle (in an internet way)! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks for your cheers – I feel like I need them! The wedding thing really upset me (quietly – I didn’t want to feed into the drama), then I got over it and sucked it up. Then I went to the wedding and saw all the things they did that they knew I was doing, and I got upset again (quietly, with just my DH), but then got over it and changed things for our wedding. This is one thing I will fight tooth and nail for though – ESPECIALLY after he LAUGHED AT ME during that conversation about us TTC right away because I’ve been buying small baby things here and there for the last year.

OH! I have another confession! One of our spare rooms has a change-table in it, and a bunch of other small baby items I’ve found great deals on over the last year or so. I close the door to that room when company comes over so they don’t see how crazy I am! My motivation here is: baby stuff is EXPENSIVE, I’m trying to spread out the purchases over a longer period of time. I needed 3 years to plan a WEDDING, having 9 months to get ready for a baby just seems completely inconceivable! It makes my little inside planner want to tear her hair out!

Post # 16
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsMoksha:  You’re not a bad person. You feel what you feel and it’s completely 100% natural. I understand COMPLETELY! XOX

@StaceyA: @Sugaree: FX for all of us that we’ll have THE FIRST!!!!!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

@ExcitedScaredBee:  That’s awesome! I’m also in the camp where I’m like “hey, check me out! I might not have to do INVENTORY next year! WOOT!” 

@xPearlxMoonx:  Sibling sh!t is the worst sh!t – I totally understand. XOX

@Blondee:  I wonder what they’d say to that if you did! HAH!

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