(Closed) Things you loved/hated about being a bridesmaid (trying to be a good bride :) )

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
10358 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I love when the bride lets us pick our own dress. It lets me find something I feel beautiful in, that’s in my budget, and that I might actually wear again. At the very least asking about budget is super important.

Destination, expensive, multi-day bachelorette parties are a no for me. I don’t mind if my friends have one but don’t be pissed that I can’t come.

Don’t demand they help you with wedding planning or projects. If they offer (because some will and love that kind of stuff) then awesome but not everyone is into weddings or has time to help with a bunch of wedding stuff.

Be appreciative of whatever it is that they plan. If you are lucky enough to have bridesmaids who plan a shower and/or bachelorette party for you be grateful for the work they put into planning that even if it’s not exactly what you would have wanted. 

Remember to talk about things other than the wedding when you hang out!

Post # 3
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
maabride :  I think just communicating is key (i.e., making sure like you already did, to discuss their budgets, etc). Also, remember that they are your best friends. A lot of times it’s so easy to get caught up in wedding excitement that they can become photo props or just another moving part in your wedding day. You might not even mean to think that way at some point, but once you catch it, just remind yourself they’re your friends. 🙂

-Best part of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man: getting to enjoy the whole experience with my friend(s)! Celebrating the exciting occasion of when one of your best girls gets married, and being “VIP” or getting to be behind the scenes is just special. Thankfully out of the 10+ weddings I’ve been in, not a single bride has been bridezilla and I have loved every single experience! When everyone is just having fun and not demanding anything, it’s so fun.

-Worst part: this is going to sound dumb, but at almost every wedding I’ve been in, the wedding party never got to eat because we had to stay after the ceremony for pics so we missed cocktail hour, then we had to do call outs at the reception so we missed the buffet line, then when we finally got food it was time to dance and the bride usually wanted us out there, etc. So when I got married, I had our caterer make cocktail hour plates for the bridal party and for us, and we ate a bite before going into the reception, and then dinner was a non-issue since it was plated/seated. Plus I catered lunch so everyone would have food while getting ready. But yeah, I’ve always been a hungry bridesmaid, but otherwise happy! lol

Post # 4
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

I think you have already done everything right so far. Make sure you are mindful of their budgets. Also make sure you have clear expectations of what you want them to do. Like plan your shower or bachelorette party etc.

I have been a bridesmaid over 7 times in my life (MOH 3 times). I have never had a real issue with the bride but with other bridesmaids. In terms of clashing personalities which wasn’t the brides fault. 

Post # 5
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Worst: Making bridesmaids wear a long dress and then being super picky about the shoes we wore, too. >_> Not talking to bmaids about budgets before picking the dress.

Best: Having lodging covered for out of town bridesmaids!! Paying for the dresses! 

Post # 6
Member
6813 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
maabride :  loved: hanging out with my best friend helping once in awhile (voluntarily), choosing dresses, planning/throwing a surprise shower

hated: not being allowed white shoes because they “clash with lavender,” receiving a matching clutch as a thank you (what a waste of money), not being permitted to sit with my date – the man who just met my family the day before and married me several years later. Don’t split up couples.

pretty mellow bride and wedding, so I can’t think of anything else good or bad that pertains to being a bridesmaid. Only ever was the once.

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Loved: getting to be a part of my best friends’ special days! Helping with minor wedding stuff, attending bachelorette parties. I’m generally a helpful sort of person and both the weddings I’ve been in were pretty laid back, so all around I loved being a bridesmaid. Oh and I love having special pictures with my girls.

Hated: Not getting to sit with my date, do try to sit couples together.

Post # 8
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

So I’ve been in a weeding 8 times, 5 times as a bridesmaid.  Here are some of the things that ticked me off while being a maid. 

1. Overly expensive dress, anything over 150 is just too much.  I do it bbut then end up resenting them at least a little.

2.  Makeing me order a size up becuase “I’ll gain weight over christmas”

3.  Not trusting me to be able to complete my duties, especially if they’ve seen me be bridesmaid before.

4. Yelling at me to go up and do the choreographed dance and ruining a moment I was having with my niece.  had been waiting on the wings for 2 hrs, and I had no indication on when she needed me, and all I needed was a minute.  Instead she terrified the little one and took away the joy I had from practicing the dance.  

5. Making me take pictures outside in the snow in nothing but a chiffon down and a fur wrap.

6. Having me get up at 7:30, to get our make up done at 9, hair at 10, and then sitting around in the hotel room from 11-2 waiting for the photographer.  I was paranoid about touching my face, tired at night, and my skin was dry because I didn’t get to moisturize a second time. 

7.  Forcing me to get my hair and makeup done at a certain location that is really expensive.  I’m having a hard time being around the bride who made me pay 175 dollars for my hair and make up, especially when the only thing they did that I couldn’t was false eyelashes.  At least give your girls the option to do their opwn makeup

8 . Saying you’ll help pay for something (like the hair and makeup from step 8) and then not following through.

9. Keeping me at the head table/not respecting hat I need time to visit with guests too.  With out of towners, they might not get to see some of the other guests for years after your event.  Let them have time to say hey.  By the time I was done with my Bridesmaid or Best Man duties, my grandfather (who is 90) had already gone to bed, and the bride didn’t let take any time inbetween to visit.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Things I’ve loved about being a maid.

1. Talking and obsessing about their wedding with them.  Huge bonding

2. Planning the bachelorette party.

3. GOING to the bachelorette party.

4. Getting ready together

5. Sleepover the night before the wedding. 

6. Heartfelt thank you notes.  Makes dealing with the bridezilla worth it.

7. Planning shower games 

 

Post # 10
Member
3352 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
maabride :  best: getting to choose my dress, even if it’s just the style within a set fabric/color

worst: having to buy 5inch suede pumps that i was worried i’d break my ankle in and will never wear again.

Post # 11
Member
6950 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Worst: Being forced to pay to have my hair and makeup professionally done (the bride even dictated the style). 

Best: Just feeling loved and appreciated and honored to stand by my friends’ sides as they get married. 

Post # 12
Member
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
maabride :  

Things I Hate:

  • Having to buy a specific style of dress to fit a “vision.” Your bridal party will look gorgeous in dresses of the girls choosing
  • Mandatory hairstyles selected by the bride: In line with above, let the girls pick how they want to wear their hair
  • Expensive bachelorette parties: If you plan a three day spa and Vegas excursion, I’m going to opt out. Not because I don’t want to go, but because I don’t have money like that
  • Brides who do not have their bridesmaids in mind: It’s your day, but unless you are paying for everything, please remember these are your closest friends and family members
Post # 13
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Let me wear whatever dress I want. If you demand I wear a certain dress, you should buy it. Same for shoes, hair, makeup, etc.

No head table. I want to sit with my husband at dinner.

Don’t ask bridal party to set up/tear down. Hire people for that.

Post # 14
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Things I loved:  Being a part of my friends big day.

Things I hated: Being treated like a wallet with legs.  My BFFs wedding cost me $1,500. 

 

Post # 15
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

Unpopular opinion here, but I say it’s ok to have a head table and separate spouses/partners for dinner..they are all grown ups and can handle the separation for an hour or two.  In my area ALL weddings are done like this (I have literally never, not in 30 weddings, been to one that was not set up this way).  BUT after dinner/speeches everyone leaves the head table and dances/mingles.  

I agree with everyone else that you shouldn’t insist on a really expensve bridesmaid dress for everyone, but I am totally ok with you picking out the dress style VS letting us pick them out ourselves.  It is your wedding, the day is about you, and a good friend will be ok with your vision…even if that means wearing a hideous dress 😉

Comfort is the biggest thing you can do for your girls.  That means letting them wear shoes they can walk in, picking appropriate attire for the season, not forcing them to devote the entire length of your engagement to your wedding and pre-wedding activities, etc.

Make your girls feel loved, remind them constantly why you picked them to be in your wedding party, and thank them PROFUSELY anytime they offer a hand or plan a party for you.

 

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