(Closed) Think he's cheating on me, advice needed please.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 572
Member
483 posts
Helper bee

@kait_anne:  

Hi Kait,

I just discovered you post today and went through all 15 pages.

My advice to you would be to take it one day at a time and to follow your heart. I know you may be swayed by other people to end it, but if you know in your heart that isn’t what you want and that you are willing to work this out with your boyfriend, then you should.

I found out in March that my boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me last summer with a friend of a friend that I have never met. I found out through another friend, and when I first confronted him about it, he lied. Eventually, he did come clean to me and admit that something happen. he claimed they only kissed. I still don’t know if I believe that, but what I did believe was that he was truly sorry and remorseful. That he wanted to be with me. I made the decision to forgive him and work with him on moving forward. I can say that since I made that choice, our relationship has been better than ever.

He fucked up, yes. But people do make mistakes. Now, if something like this were to happen again, then absolutley, I would leave him. But it is my belief that no relationship is immune to problems. We may not always have to deal with cheating, but I think you understand what I mean. I think if you can work through this and both of you make an effort to be honest and figure out what can be done so that this never happens again, then your relationship will just be stronger.

Hope it all works out! Follow your heart, it will bring you to the right place.

 

Post # 573
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I read through the entire thread last night . . . so sorry for what you’ve had to go through. I don’t have a lot to add to the many heartfelt comments that people have given you, but I do have one thought you might want to consider.

I do embrace the concept of understanding that people make mistakes and that forgiveness is good for the soul of the one who forgives. That said, though, forgiveness does not mean the next logical step is to continue the relatiomship with the one who has wronged you. You can forgive, and still move on.

You have been given a gift of sorts, seeing into the character of this man. He has no compunction about lying to you and betraying your trust. Even if he doesn’t cheat on you again – and I think that’s very unlikely – his moral compass is broken, and he will likely lie to you about other things on into the future.

If he can so easily fall into a “crush” – he doesn’t really love you. dear. You’re the one who feels safe and comfortable, but you don’t arouse his devotion.

You sound like quite a remarkable young woman, and you absolutely, without question, deserve someone who loves you as wholeheartedly you love them. That kind of mutual, reciprocal, harmonious, joyful and honest love is something worth waiting for. This man will never be able to go there with you – he’s proven it by his words and actions.

And as for your feelings about that awful skanky co-worker of his, well, she deserves every bit of scorn you and others have heaped on her. Women like that are the lowest of the low. But you don’t need to focus on her any more.

Best of luck with moving forward and away from this mess . . .

 

Post # 574
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

Any update? How are things going?

 

Post # 575
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@wahine777:  I’m commenting mostly so I can come back to your comment. 

You wrote “but you don’t arouse his devotion.” Wow! What a perfect benchmark to measure love by. I loved your comment. You are a wise woman. I’m gonna remember what you’ve written here.

Post # 576
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Commenting to keep posted. Good luck, OP!

Post # 577
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@kait_anne:  Hi sweetheart, I just wanted to send you all the strength you need to make the right decision.

 

The only thing I can ask you is if you think your trust in him can be restored?

I’ve been hurt and let down many times, and it is very difficult for me to restore my confidence on someone when the trust was broken.

I believe your BF’s version of the story. I believe that someone can be physically attracted to someone, but what matters is how they deal with the situation.

I don’t like that he took her for dinner twice, and into your apartment, but I do think that men are less conscious of some risks until they are well into the situation. In the end, if it is true that they didn’t get physical, it means that your Boyfriend or Best Friend knew when to stop.

I’m deeply in love with my Boyfriend or Best Friend, but during our 1st year he was working in another city, and I was feeling really lonely when a good-looking classmate crossed my path. “Our” “fling” was just funny jokes about lectures, breakfast with other classmates, nice smiles in the hallways and a few winks from his part. And I felt like crap, but he was giving me the kind of “physical closeness” I didn’t have with my Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time. Nothing else happened, but it helped me endure the terrible days of solitude of that first few months, until I got comfortable with being apart.

What I’m telling you is that you should trust your instincts. I’ve read that some people believe that he is falling too easy for a pretty face, but I think you cannot help who you feel attracted to.

You are the one who knows best if he is telling you the truth. If it was just a crush, and a few terribly wrong dinners, and nothing else, give him a chance if you can trust him back again. By no means I think he should have had dinner with her, but as I said, we, women, are much more clever and conscious to such things, and also have the ability to open to our BFFs and talk about it. Men, on the other hand, haven’t learned that well to manage their feelings, and the support they receive from their peers is sometimes pretty negative! So they find themselves from time to time in situations they cannot control. I don’t know if I’m making myself very clear… But hope it helps.

Also, all my blessings to you. Whatever you decide.

Post # 578
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I read through this entire thread a few days ago, and just wanted to say that I hope you are doing ok. I noticed it’s been a few weeks since you responded and I’m sure we all hope that you are well.

Whatever you have decided to do, it’s your choice and none of us can tell you you made the wrong decision, and I am positive that we will all be here for you when you come back to the board to tell us how you are doing.

Sending positive vibes your way.

Post # 579
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kait_anne:  Any update? Did you stay or did you go?

Post # 580
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@kait_anne:  How are things? Any updates? Hope all is well with you.

I’ve read through all 15 pages of posts & I have to say, I think you’ve handled this situation with such grace & class. You seem very level-headed & in the right mindset to determine what’s best for your future from here on out. 

I hope you’re able to remain focused on your best interest moving forward. Best wishes xoxox

Post # 581
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Any update?

Post # 582
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

  

Post # 582
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Hey there Op. Just reading your story and wondering how things turned out? Hoping you worked things out and are engaged. 

Post # 583
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Following!

Post # 585
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Update please!

The topic ‘Think he's cheating on me, advice needed please.’ is closed to new replies.

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