(Closed) Think he's cheating on me, advice needed please.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 48
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree that it’s best not to jump to conclusions, but I would also be a bit suspicious here. There could still be an innocent explanation, but the dinner combined with the sudden secretive texting is concerning. He may not be sleeping with her, but it sounds like it could be flirty back and forth texts. To start with, you need to talk to him. Listen to his explanation and see if it makes sense. Also pay careful attention to his tone and body language. If he starts to get defensive, that’s probably a bad sign. I think you would be well within your rights to ask him to remove his phone password and check the history on the bill. If he won’t agree to that after you explain your concerns, then I’d think he has something to hide.

Post # 49
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you need to take a deep breath and remain calm. It could be nothing. No sense in freaking yourself out over nothing and you need to stay calm so you can get to the bottom of this. The bad news is if he is cheating he isn’t going to come out and admit that. Would you be able to tell if he’s lying to you? What is your gut feeling here that it is nothing or that it is something? I would also check any and all messages or records you may have access to. His email, facebook, text messages, etc. I’m not an advocate for snooping, but cheaters rarely are honest.

Post # 50
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@kait_anne:  I know I can’t tell you to stop worrying – but there’s not much you can do until you talk to him. There’s a bunch of possible explanations for his actions (and dinner might not count bc you technically don’t know for sure). Wish you the best, and I look forward to hearing that it is absolutely nothing.

Post # 51
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with @Everdeen:  …. suggest the restaurant to your Boyfriend or Best Friend and see how he reacts.  Try not to read into anything too much.  If he isn’t cheating, and you accuse him of something, that could blow up in your face.   Trust is SOOOOOO important to any relationship.  I know right now you’re questioning your trust in him.  Keep yourself on the alert and give it a little bit of time.  

Post # 52
Member
4531 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Commenting to follow, mainly.

Good luck OP, hope it is innocent- keep us posted.

Post # 53
Member
11378 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Commenting to follow. Good luck OP! I hope it is all just a misunderstanding.

Post # 54
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I definitely think this sounds shady. I would collect some evidence and then confront him. 

Post # 55
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

@kait_anne:   sweetheart there are sooo many explanations its impossible to guess without more info.

like:

Has your relationship changed?

Is he suddenly distant?

Are you guys still as intimate as normal?

Has he done it before (not just with you)?

Is he still talking future with you?

 

Listen to it ALL and remember, we can all crush on other people but the best dont go anywhere else and let it go.

If thats been the case, you have a winner!!!!! yay!!!! he loves you and your life together!!!

Post # 56
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

commenting to follow for an update. good luck OP x

Post # 57
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

From what you’ve written, I believe he is cheating. I’m sorry you are going through this 🙁 

Post # 58
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Good luck OP. (Hug). Hope for the best and plan for the worst, is what I say. Be strong and get to the bottom of this, we are all rooting for it being a proposal secret and not something else. 

Post # 59
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would be 100% honest and say something like “ok this may sound crazy but (coworker) said they saw you with (girl) last weekend having dinner. Is that true?” And see what he says. If he says no, I’d say “I didn’t think it sounded like something you would do, but I have noticed that you seem to be more protective of your phone lately. What is that about?” And again see what he says. You should know him pretty well by know to know if he’s lying (make sure to talk to him in person, not on the phone!). Good luck!

Post # 60
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@j_jaye:  Of course you have dinner with your coworkers when you go out of town for work. You’re basically at a work function. But in this case the OP was the one out of town and he was back home going out with his coworker in his free time. I do think there’s a definite difference, although I wouldn’t necessarily think it was bad/wrong.

OP, I also think it’s a little odd that he wouldn’t mention it since you specifically asked how his weekend was. When my Darling Husband asks that when we’re apart I would definitely say, “Oh good, did some shopping, went out with _____.” Not because I feel like I need to report my whereabouts to him, but just to talk about my weekend. That said, I wouldn’t assume he’s cheating. How talkative is he normally about this kind of stuff? Is he usually just like, “Oh my weekend was fine” or does he give details? I would also just go ahead and casually say, “Hey, ____ said she saw you out to dinner with [coworker]” and then just see what he says. Good luck, I hope it’s all harmless!

 

Post # 61
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Commenting to follow for an update.  

OP, I really hope it works out OK and that he has a valid reason for having dinner with her.  

I would be honest and just say that your friend saw him out to eat with this girl and ask why he didn’t tell you.  Don’t play mind games or try to “get a reaction” by mentioning the restaurant.  I honestly don’t know how you’ve been able to refrain from saying anything for this long.  

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