(Closed) Think I got myself into trouble.. need advice.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Could you give her a different job? Like maybe have her act as your personal assistant/day-of coordinator?

If you decide to go the Bridesmaid or Best Man route, it’s not the worst thing in the world if she has to get a slightly different dress. That’s so popular these days, I don’t think people would think much of it.

Post # 5
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You could ask her to read something in the ceremony.  That way she’s a part of and feels included, but she wouldn’t really be with you that much the day of.

Post # 6
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@BWED:Hmm. The term sounds a little bit old fashioned.

I have another idea – are there any DIY projects for the wedding that she could help you with? Would she be interested in being involved in that way, rather than being a bridesmaid?

There’s always another option – honesty. Tell her the situation exactly as you explained it in your original post, leaving out the dress issue. You could explain why you chose the girls you chose for your BMs, and tell her that you had heard she was a little upset over not being part of the wedding party and that you’re so sorry to hear she’s feeling that way. Then maybe ask her if she’d like to be involved in another way, as a sort of personal attendant to help you through any wedding day issues that might crop up.

Post # 7
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I do think a “lady in waiting” situation would be insulting.  Making her an assistant/day of coordinator is basically giving her a ton of work without the honor of standing up there next to you.  I don’t think you need to ask her to do anything, but if you do, I would make it a visible part of the ceremony such as a reading. 

Post # 8
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would find a different job for her other than a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Stick to your cousins who are your best friends and figure out another way to keep the peace and smooth ruffled feathers. I second the idea of having her do a reading. I would also include her and your sister in all of the activities (showers, bachelorette parties, diy activities, and getting ready the day of) since those will all present additional opportunities for you to bond.

Post # 9
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We asked the best mans wife to be our Matron of ceremony. She is doing our reading, going over a little a head and putting out the bubbles and programs. All my girls are wearing a feather flower in their hair, so I made one for her too. This was she is included, recognized, but it is not a burden on her.

Post # 11
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you are Christian 1st Corinthians 13 is nice:

<< 1 Corinthians 13 >>
New International Version

 


1If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 

Post # 12
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@BWED: A poem would be pretty. 

“Love Is A Great Thing” by Thomas à Kempis

“Marriage Joins Two People In The Circle Of Its Love” by Edmund O’Neill

Post # 13
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d just made her a Bridesmaid or Best Man why not?  You say you have no problems with her, this could bring you 2 closer, your other BMs are younger so she may be a help when planing the batchelorette or shower, and it’s be totally appropriate for her not to wear a junior dress if she isn’t a junior.  It’s not worth hurting feelings over, I get why she’d feel slighted if her hubby is in the wedding and she isn’t and she is the sister and the hubby is not the brother.

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