Post # 1
A little background info:
When it came to choosing my BMs I already knew exactly who I would choose. My sister suffers from severe anxiety issues and did not want to be a part of the ceremony. I will be having her pass out programs along with my step sister whom I’m not close with. Now, the BMs will be my two cousins who just so happen to be my best friends. Both are younger than I am and still wearing juniors clothing. That being said, We found their dresses immeditally at a Dillards clearace center…For 40 bucks!! I was thrilled!
So now to the problem… I had no intentions on asking my Future Sister-In-Law to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We have met several times, she’s super sweet, and I really do like her. I just didn’t think it was approiate to ask her to be a major part of my wedding when I hardly know the girl. But her husband is groomsman. So, now i have found out that my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are kinda hurt that I haven’t asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Should I ask her to avoid problems? And if I do, what should I do about her dress? She’s a more heavy set girl and they did not have a dress bigger than a size 13 there, which I know she wouldn’t fit in. I really don’t want to hurt anyones feelings.
Post # 3
Could you give her a different job? Like maybe have her act as your personal assistant/day-of coordinator?
If you decide to go the Bridesmaid or Best Man route, it’s not the worst thing in the world if she has to get a slightly different dress. That’s so popular these days, I don’t think people would think much of it.
Post # 4
I tried to think of another job to give her simliar to what you suggested, but she’s only been to one wedding and it was her own. I thought maybe like a “lady in waiting” type situation, but would that be insulting?
Post # 5
You could ask her to read something in the ceremony. That way she’s a part of and feels included, but she wouldn’t really be with you that much the day of.
Post # 6
@BWED:Hmm. The term sounds a little bit old fashioned.
I have another idea – are there any DIY projects for the wedding that she could help you with? Would she be interested in being involved in that way, rather than being a bridesmaid?
There’s always another option – honesty. Tell her the situation exactly as you explained it in your original post, leaving out the dress issue. You could explain why you chose the girls you chose for your BMs, and tell her that you had heard she was a little upset over not being part of the wedding party and that you’re so sorry to hear she’s feeling that way. Then maybe ask her if she’d like to be involved in another way, as a sort of personal attendant to help you through any wedding day issues that might crop up.
Post # 7
I do think a “lady in waiting” situation would be insulting. Making her an assistant/day of coordinator is basically giving her a ton of work without the honor of standing up there next to you. I don’t think you need to ask her to do anything, but if you do, I would make it a visible part of the ceremony such as a reading.
Post # 8
I would find a different job for her other than a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Stick to your cousins who are your best friends and figure out another way to keep the peace and smooth ruffled feathers. I second the idea of having her do a reading. I would also include her and your sister in all of the activities (showers, bachelorette parties, diy activities, and getting ready the day of) since those will all present additional opportunities for you to bond.
Post # 9
We asked the best mans wife to be our Matron of ceremony. She is doing our reading, going over a little a head and putting out the bubbles and programs. All my girls are wearing a feather flower in their hair, so I made one for her too. This was she is included, recognized, but it is not a burden on her.
Post # 10
Thanks guys. I wasn’t really planning on having a reading at the ceremony. I was hoping a short sweet to the point thing. Any suggestions for readings?
Post # 11
If you are Christian 1st Corinthians 13 is nice:
<< 1 Corinthians 13 >>
New International Version
1If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Post # 12
@BWED: A poem would be pretty.
“Love Is A Great Thing” by Thomas à Kempis
“Marriage Joins Two People In The Circle Of Its Love” by Edmund O’Neill
Post # 13
I’d just made her a Bridesmaid or Best Man why not? You say you have no problems with her, this could bring you 2 closer, your other BMs are younger so she may be a help when planing the batchelorette or shower, and it’s be totally appropriate for her not to wear a junior dress if she isn’t a junior. It’s not worth hurting feelings over, I get why she’d feel slighted if her hubby is in the wedding and she isn’t and she is the sister and the hubby is not the brother.