(Closed) Think I just lost a great friend thanks to my big mouth!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4162 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hopefully she’ll get over it 🙁  Sounds like she’s just having some issues of her own, like you said.  If the conversation went just like that, then I don’t see you saying anything wrong.  You were just asking her a question!

Post # 4
Member
4162 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

and sorry, that wasn’t really advice!!! Just give her time, she’ll hopefully come around.  I don’t know about the surprise party thing though… :S

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh honey, don’t be so hard on yourself. You did everything right, you didn’t mean to hurt her feeling and somehow you did – but you quickly apologize – that is all you can do at this point. Your friend needs to understand that and come around sooner than later.  I would suggest, you go to the party tonight though – and if you can apologize in person and give her a big hug. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m really sorry to say this, but from what you wrote, it seems like she is being over sensitive, and I think she realizes it. If you give her the space she requested, I’m sure things will go back to normal. To put your mind at ease, can you just ask if it would still be OK to attend the party or if it is too soon for her (since she is the one requesting space)?

Also, in the future, consider recommending activities with her that are not directly food related, maybe instead take class, see a movie/play, etc.

Post # 7
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

It sounds to me like she’s just being hypersensitive. I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Post # 8
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well… there’s obviously nothing you can do to change her self image…I’m sure the diet pill comment didn’t help, but I personally don’t think you can be blamed for someone’s own self-conciousness/poor self image.

I was over 200 lbs for a while and I had friends rub in it my face (aggresively) because they were already overweight while I had just gained most of it in college (although I’ve been “pudgy” all my life). It sucks, it stings, it hurts, but the only person who can do anything about that is the person who wants to lose the weight! My gain was due to a medical problem, but I’ve also had gains from stress eating. I’m still not in a “normal” BMI, but I’m at least DOING something to try to get there. 

Maybe have a real heart-to-heart talk with her and ask her why it bothers her so much and tell her that you’d love to help her in any way possible if she wants to change. There’s a reason she turns to food and gets upset with thin people…maybe you just need to find what that is and help her cope better.

Post # 10
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just call her and talk about this surprise party. Before asking for her permission to attend, just tell her politely that you’d love to be there and also get a chance to see her in person and apologize. (Though I am not sure how justified this apology is since you did not ask HER to take the diet pills. You wanted to take them.) Hopefully she’s back to her senses and would be embarrassed already for having had that conversation with you in the first place.

Sometimes I end up saying some super serious statements, only to turn around and feel like a moron! I don’t want to create a rift where none existed before.

And I personally feel that she needs a friend now more than anything to help her cope with her emotional issues. Weight is only part of the story.

Post # 13
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrskisstobe:Oh my goodness. All you did was ask a question. Yes, it touched a nerve with her, but you weren’t trying to be mean or call her fat! You apologized and you’re even sending her flowers! That’s above and beyond what a lot of people would do over a misunderstanding. Tell your Fiance that you’re taking care of it, he has no reason to be mad at you too!

She’ll come around, and if she chooses not to be your friend anymore because of this, then she has a ton of issues she needs to sort through!

Post # 14
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Wow. She totally overreacted. You did nothing wrong. And you really went above and beyond by sending her flowers.

I’m sure things will be fine. Just let her get over herself for a few minutes.

Post # 15
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

WTF?  You didn’t ask HER to take the pills!  You didn’t even ask her what pills SHE had taken – just asked about a friend!  Way too sensitive.  Don’t go to the party – just give her the ‘space’ she wants.  You and Fiance go out and have fun tonight.

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