(Closed) Think I need an intervention w/ MOH

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so sorry.  You may want to have one of the other bm’s take over the shower and the details I would begin to wonder if she has really done anything that she says she has.  I hope they weekend goes well when it gets here.

Post # 4
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That sounds pretty terrible.  She is really just not being there for you.  She took on the responsibility of being your Maid/Matron of Honor and is really not following through.  You shouldn’t have to tell her over and over again who to contact and the next thing to do.  I am sure your wedding isn’t the most important thing in her life, but she could be a little more proactive.  Especially if your other girls are so anxious to help.  I would really say something to her.  It’s probably a little late to change plans for your bridal shower and bach party.  But something needs to happen.  I don’t know if it should be a demotion or not necessarily having a set Maid/Matron of Honor at all.

If she has been like this so far, I don’t think her attitide or excitedness to jump in and get things done will really change on your wedding day.  So, that is something you should think about.

I have a close friend that I have known since middle school that sounds similar.  She’s standoffish and doesn’t really talk to people that she doesn’t know very well.  And for that and other reasons, I never asked her to be in my wedding party.  Being in a wedding party is more than just standing next to the bride during the ceremony and you deserve to have girls with you that are taking stress away from you, not adding to it!  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Are you me?? I have the same wedding AND joint shower-bachelorette weekend dates!!  Also, my shower invites haven’t gone out yet either (FI’s aunt is hosting, and Future Mother-In-Law is doing invites…last I heard they’re hoping to get them out this weekend?)  Haha!

Anyway!  I think it’s totally OK to have one or all the other BMs take over.  Is your Maid/Matron of Honor young?  It shoulds like she just may not really know what you expect of her or what’s traditionally expected of her role, and not that she’s trying to be insensitive or thoughtless.  I’d phrase it in a way that makes it just seem like a group effort from all your girls instead of the Maid/Matron of Honor being the leader herself.

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’d say just don’t worry about it. You’ll have a party and all will be fine.  You should not be involved in the he/said she/said stuff of the planning.  Send the Maid/Matron of Honor and all the other BMs an email with everyone’s contact information.  Then leave it up to them.  If your Maid/Matron of Honor wants to run the whole deal let her.  Otherwise you’ll drive yourself and your friends crazy between now and May 22.  This should be fun for you and the more you talk to all the girls (including the MOH) about the shower then the less fun it will be for you.

Trust me, I was just there.  I wish no one would have told me a single thing about my parties. Just here’s the date, time and what to wear.

Post # 7
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If I were you, I wouldn’t get involved.  You shouldn’t be worrying about planning a shower for yourself (and by worrying about all this you essentially are stuck in the middle).  Since your Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs agreed to do it they need to work out the details and not stress you out.  And while your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t contacting the BMs, why don’t you tell your BMs to contact her?  It sounds like at least one of them are friends with her so she should be able to call her up?  Just because you’re cousin is the Maid/Matron of Honor, it doesn’t mean she has to initiate everything.  Is your aunt in the picture?  Can she help do the invitations (my cousin is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my aunt is doing a lot of stuff to help her in addition to my BMs help)? 

Like I said, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it.  If you’re like me, you have too many other wedding details and bridal things to stress about! lol =)  Hope this helps!

Post # 10
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would say an intervention is definitely needed!  She should be willing as your Maid/Matron of Honor to do this stuff and get things taken care of. And if she can’t do it all then she needs to be able to ask the other girls for help!

Post # 12
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you should try to stay hands off, but what I would do before you end it, is say to the Bridesmaid or Best Man that is friends with Maid/Matron of Honor that she is contacting no one and maybe she can direct things around.  Explain that MOH is worried about asking about the money (because that can be really sensitive so I can understand Maid/Matron of Honor being afraid to ask) and for Bridesmaid or Best Man to say up front that they are willing to split costs.  Then make sure she asks her about what she has planned for everything; food, games, decorations, anything else they want to know about.  Then she can offer help and suggestions for the things Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t have covered yet.

The Maid/Matron of Honor for my sister’s wedding is being like this for her shower.  I just started asking and suggesting stuff.  She did get rude with me but I sort of don’t care at this point; I don’t want my sister to have a crappy shower either!  If the Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be lazy and make it crappy it’s not fair.

Post # 14
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah I think not knowing the etiquette and what needs to be done makes weddings hard for those in them.  But I think if you’re going for a traditional shower it’s pretty straightforward; food, a cake, some games and you’re done!  Hopefully you can get it figured out.  Luckily the shower we’re planning is a surprise so my sister doesn’t know about the drama.  But her Maid/Matron of Honor is 29 and has been in 2 weddings before so I feel like she has no excuses!  I’m sure you will have a fun shower in the end.

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