(Closed) Thinking About a Proactive Approach To Children…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010


I personally think you have a good cut off point in place. You have decided no kids of cousins and are carrying this through the guest list. I think that’s the important part. This delineation occurs consistently throughout the list.

I think you should just send the invite to Mr and Mrs John Smith instead of John Smith and Family and that will get the point across. Likely one cousin will ask the other if their kids are invited. And the answer will be no at which point at least you are being fair.

Or let your parents know and if any aunts or cousins ask they can casually mention yeah they decided to invite first cousins but no kids of first cousins because there’s no room at the venue or whatever.



Post # 4
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t know about this one… its a pretty fine line.  We are having ‘no kids’, but that means no kids.  Trust me, I’d love to pick and choose between all the kids we know.  But its really not fair to those guests who you tell not to bring their kids and then they show up and there’s a bunch of other kids there.  To me, if you’re having 8, you might as well have 20. 

Post # 5
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I disagree with JenniB. There’s a huge difference between 8 and 20, especially if you don’t get a discount on the kids meals.

Etiquettely, it’s just fine to have a cut off. Kids in the wedding party are different than regular kids, so people technically shouldn’t be getting upset to see the child of your friends. We ourselves are cutting it off at related kids, so none of the kids of our friends are invited. We’re prepared for fights, but so be it.

That said, I think you just need to address the invitations to the adults, and leave it at that unless someone asks. If your cousin does mention something about bringing their kids, you would gently let them know that you are unable to accomodate them.

I wouldn’t get worried about something before it actually happens.

Post # 6
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think it would be fair to bring it up to the two cousins ahead of time to let them know you are inviting them but not their children.  Give them plenty of time to plan for a sitter etc.  Technically their kids are like second cousins or something so there is kinda a clear line of children that are allowed.

Post # 7
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think you have the right idea. We waited until the invitations went out and then spoke to people. Some of our family members asked if we would make exceptions and we just explained that we couldn’t.

People seemed to generally accept this… until someone showed up with their 1 year old son. This seemed incredibly odd since we had spoke about it and they weren’t even traveling for the wedding so they could have had a babysitter for the afternoon. Good luck, and stick to your decisions!

Post # 9
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t say anything relating to “No-children” on the invitation.  Address the invitation to Mr. & Mrs. X and don’t say “and family.”  Also, on the rsvp card say “2 seats have been reserved for XXXX.”  Then they know who’s invited.  If they write in their kids names, call and say something like, “Due to the capacity of the venue when cannot accommodate  kid 1, kid 2, kid3, etc.” Hope this helps!

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