Post # 31
We told our parents quite early, maybe around 7 or 8 weeks. But that’s because I was so poorly and unable to go and visit them as often as I was. We didn’t tell the rest of the family until about 12/13 weeks and then announced to our friends/Facebook a bit later. If it wasn’t for being poorly we would have waited to tell everyone at the same time.
Actually my work colleagues found out before everyone else because I was throwing up at work!
Post # 32
It’s completely up to you, but I wouldn’t. All was looking good for me in my first pregnancy, but when I had an ultrasound at 10 weeks, the baby’s heart had stopped beating about a week before. My thoughts are that if you’e be happy to tell everyone you’d had a miscarriage, then tell people early if you want to.
Post # 33
Personally no I wouldn’t, the minute everyone knows it becomes real and the questions start etc etc I think it would feel like a very long pregnancy with ppl knowing so early.
We didnt tell anyone until we were 13 weeks gone. It was nice to have those first few months with just Darling Husband and me having this little secret. Then we had lots of ppl to share the excitement with after a few months. it kind of made those first few months pass a bit quicker I thought.
touch wood I’m 32 weeks now and all goes well and if we’re lucky ebough to have another I’m going to wait longer to announce. 40 weeks is a loooooooong time!
Post # 34
Before I got pregnant I always said I would wait until the 2nd trimester but it’s really different once it actually happens. Darling Husband and I were so excited and wanted to share with immediate family sooner. We told our parents and siblings around 6 weeks. My best friend knew as soon as I took the test. I slowly started telling friends just because I really couldn’t hold in something so huge in my life. We did an official announcement to all family and friends around 11 weeks because I wanted to do it on Mother’s Day. It really is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong. Some peeople like to share the news and others don’t. You need to do what is right for you.
Post # 35
Darling Husband was pretty excited. I think he told his family the week we found out and my parents about a week or so after we found out. I also told 3 really close friends. I told some other friends around what I thought was 10w or so. I really wouldn’t mind any of them knowing if something happened, I am obviously close to all of them. I think we put it online around 16w after my first ultrasound. I swear I told my work at like 23w lol
Post # 36
I agree with PP – it’s all about how you want to deal with a possible loss.
The reason people keep it a secret in the begining is that 1) it’s an option. Can’t really hide it at 24 weeks lol. And 2) they’d prefer to grieve in private and move on at their pace.
If you are the type of person how deals with these things better with support from friends and family, then share it now. Many of us do better having everything out in the open like that. Also, if you’re living life with a ‘no day but today” sort of attitude, why should you fundamentally change yourself just cuz other people think you should? Right now, you’re pregnant and happy – so share it! Whatever happens next, share that too.
However, I couldn’t have done it. I would have felt so guilty for making my friends & family have to grieve along with us and then so judged by them on how I was handling the loss myself. I made my husband wait.
Post # 37
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I am 11 weeks pregnant right now, and I told my best friends and family at about 6 weeks. I have an NT scan this coming Monday, and another visit to my OB the Monday after that, so I think I will be comfortable officially announcing after that. I will be 13 weeks. It is a nervewracking situation.
Post # 38
Thank you everyone who commented and gave advice and my heart hurts for those of you who have experienced MC’s. After much thought and talking it over again with the hubby, who is adamant that he doesn’t want to wait, but said he will do whatever I want… we decied that although it is early, we did have an ultrasound that showed a heartbeat. Therefore, to us it is a life which should be celebrated regardless of how long or short it is. IF we hadn’t had a scan yet we would wait longer. However, we did decide to make some changes in who/when we notifiy.
1. We are still notifying our parents on Sunday when they come over. I will be nearly 7 weeks at that point and their support will mean so much to me. Yesterday I was on the phone with my mom and it killed me to not tell her at that point.
2. I am going to notify my boss, again my work is a super supportive environment. Even if something tragic happens, I would tell him. This will help him understand my need for physician appointments in the future and will help him begin to plan for coverage when I am out. Again, should something happen I would probably want a few PTO days off. Legally I wouldn’t need to tell him why, but I do feel like as an employer it will be easier for him to support me if he knows.
3. I am NOT going to announce it to my team at work/department. In listening to everyones advice I rethought this. I wouldn’t want to tell them individually if something sad happened. Nor would I want to send an email out at work with news of that type. They can wait. I’m pretty sure they will find out when I’m about 9 weeks anyhow, we have a huge work party. It is a BBQ with drinking and they will all wonder why I’m not having a beer with them…. (seriously this post is beginning to make me sound like a lush).
4. I was torn on the facebook announcement, but I know this is an important one to hubby. Should something terrible happen a simple facebook announcement could again be made. There will be some overlap with coworkers, but they are the closer ones. It would be sad, but I also have the choice to simply disconnect from facebook for a few days or weeks if needed as well.
So there it is. Again, I really do appreciate everyone’s comments and suggestions and thoughts. I love that this is such a supportive group. Wishing lots of happy pregnancies and beautiful babies to you all!!!
Post # 39
Do not tell work until you are further along than 9 weeks. No.
Post # 40
Can I ask what your reasoning is? I want my boss to know before he hears a rumor, which won’t take long since I’ve already started with the Morning Sickness. Again, I work in a very family oriented, friendly, supportive environment. My job would not be in jepeordy regardless.
Post # 41
I think you have gotten a lot of great advice from all the bees.
I have had a couple of losses and after the first one, I just shared with the ones I knew would show empathy and provide support. I agree that life should be celebrated and I’m wishing you a very happy and healthy pregnancy 🙂
I did want to clarify that the risk of miscarriage is not 5% at 6 weeks, it’s closer to 10% but it drops to less than 5% after 1 week.
Post # 42
I agree they all did give great advice. 🙂 We got our stats from our midwife. She said that because we had an ultrasound and the heartbeat has been confirmed our risk is now down to less than 5%. She said the heart starting is a pretty big milestone and that most people don’t have appointments to confirm the heartbeat until 8-10 weeks, which is why she typically recommends people wait at least that long to announce. Thank you so much for the well wishes!!
Post # 43
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
It’s 100% your choice when to announce, but I definitely wouldn’t.
I told my two best friends right when we found out, but no one else until 12 weeks. I still waited another 4 weeks to announce “publically” on facebook and things. Even now, at 17 weeks, I’m anxious that I said something too soon. But then again, for me a loss would be a lot different because we went through infertility treatments to get this baby, and we weren’t even sure I COULD get pregnant before it happened, so I’m terrified something will go wrong.
Post # 44
I completely understand your fears and even though I’ve had a succesful pregnancy, it was quite some time ago and I have been super anxious with this one. I am so happy for you!! Congrats and lots of happy baby wishes. 🙂
Post # 45
I think it’s a personal choice, and honestly there is no guarantees. One of our friends thought they were in the clear when they announced at 14 weeks and sadly miscarried at 17 weeks. Others announce at 6 weeks and have healthy babies. Do what you and your husband feel best.