(Closed) Thinking about calling off my wedding.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

<<HUGS>>

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  Nobody should feel like they aren’t appreciated or cherished 🙁 

It sounds like he could be verbally abusive.  Does he escalate beyond that?  Are you afraid he might?

I don’t think it’s fair that your parents are footing the bill and they aren’t willing to compromise… what do you parents think about all this?

At the very least- postpone your wedding.  This might just be cold feet, but I suspect it could be more.  It’s better to cancel or postpone a wedding than to go through with something if you’re not 100% certain it’s what you want.

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Leave. You know you want to which is why you’re writing this post. He’s an abusive asshole.

Post # 5
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, hun. It’s never easy to make a big decision like this so close to your wedding, especially when you’ve invested 6 years into this man. I think you summed it up pretty well, though. It’s better to cancel a wedding than get a divorce. You are smart, beautiful, and better than this. There will be lots of support here for you. If you have any doubts, cancel. Hugs

Post # 7
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i think you answered your own question, you are a good person and you deserve better.  things will not change for the better, if anything they will get worse.  go with your gut.

Post # 8
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you pretty much said it all in these two paragraphs:

I have been having some doubts lately. Can I live my entire life like this? What happens when we have children, will they control their lives too? I hate the my Fiance has a temper and calls me names, I hate it. I hate that I have to always back down. I hate that I never feel good enough because I’m American. I hate how they want to totally make me into their religion and their culture. I was born and raised here. Our religions are very similar but it is annoying. I will be good enough for them.

But I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I deserve more. So I haven’t talked to my Fiance since noon. I don’t know if I want to marry him anymore. it’s not just this fight, it’s everything. When you marry someone, you marry their family. I don’t want to marry his family because they always try to change me. I like who i am, where I come from and I am proud of my family even though they aren’t nearly as rich as FI’s….they never fail to make that point.

You’re obviously a very smart and insightful woman. Listen to your gut. ((hugs))

Post # 9
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First off, BIG HUGS your way. Although I don’t post often, I follow the boards all day. I wish that there was a simple answer for how to handle your situation, but there isn’t. IMO, the biggest red flag as I was reading this was that you are thinking about cheating on him with a former fling. If he’s putting you through that much heartache to where you are thinking about that, it’s not worth it.

I was in a verbally abusive relationship before, and it seems like your relationship is starting to sound like that (I don’t know if its always been like that). I’ve always believed that there is an extremely thin line between a verbally abusive and physically abusive relationship. If your FI’s temper is this bad now, how is it going to get when you buy a house (assuming you don’t already own), have kids, kids get into trouble, etc.

The fact that your Fiance won’t stand up to your Future Mother-In-Law is also a big deal. You two are supposed to be a team and make eachother stronger, and he’s doing just the opposite. You deserve someone who will make you better and stand up for you.

I really wish that I could be more help to you and your situation. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do, but keep us updated!

Post # 10
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@AnonyNow:  an “amazing guy” wouldn’t tell you to eat shit.

Post # 12
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@AnonyNow:  A marriage should not be how your described your current relationship. You are good enough and deserve better. 

Post # 13
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

if you are even having slight doubt, postpone the wedding.   go with your gut.  you need to be 100% positive not I want to leave him sometimes and sometimes I just can’t imagine life without him.

 

Post # 15
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you have doubts get out or at very least put things on hold. I wish I would have the first time around would have saved me a lot of heartache….and I had the same feelings you are having now.

Post # 16
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Also, since I’m thinking about it, a Bee once made an analogy that just stuck with me, so I’ll share it.  I’m sorry I can’t give credit where it is due, though.

Regarding abuse:  it sometimes happens so slowly, just a little at a time, so gradually that the person being abused almost doesn’t even realize it.  Think about a frog being thrown into a pot of boiling water.  The frog will jump out, because the water is too hot.  What if the frog were in a pot of tepid water, but the temperature was raised so slowly that the frog didn’t realize it?  The frog would boil to death before it realized it was even in trouble.

You realize that he is being abusive… DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

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