(Closed) Thinking about calling off our wedding for a unusual reason… in need of advice

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 17
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kaytie327:  I think short term living with a set of parents is fine. Get married anyway.

Post # 18
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@kaytie327:  Sorry to be harsh, but I agree with your sister – do not call this wedding off!  You are not exploring all of your options!

As someone who has had the injury your Fiance has, and is on worker’s comp for it also, the doctor’s right.  May is too soon for him to start the next academy, but he could do the next one.  Why won’t he?  I don’t really understand why he wouldn’t do it again if this is what he wants to do with his life.  He needs to find an alternative or agree to go back and do this again.

Worker’s comp DOES only pay 2/3, but think of the costs you save by him not doing this: he will use less gas, he will not be eating lunch out, etc etc etc.  Tally up an idea of how much this saves you.  I have not been nearly as broke on worker’s comp as I was expecting to be.

There are no cheaper apartments?  Parents are probably not your only option, but they really might be your best.  What if you move back in with them through, say, August or September so you can stay on track with saving for the wedding?  Without paying rent, you guys will save up something of a nest egg, and he will be up and kicking by then for sure and will be able to contribute to the monthly income, so it will be more feasible to move back out closer to the wedding.  I don’t think it’s a problem to move in with parents for 9-10 months to save.

Especially if your in-laws are going to help, you guys can do this.  Just be grateful and accept their money – it really is not a big deal, at all.

I don’t know what your overall budget is, but 5k is a shit ton of money to literally just throw in the garbage, especially if your in-laws said they would help you cover some costs.  You can save the difference in 9-10 months if you don’t have rent to pay, then just move back out right before the wedding.

YOU CAN DO IT okay that’s all

Post # 19
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You are panicing, calm down, keep planning your wedding or in the long run you will regret it, so many things could change between now and then but the one thing that wont change is the reason youre getting married not where you’ll be going home to…..  for better or worse, sickness and in health.  I had to put my wedding off for financial and family reasons and the closer we get to our december wedding day the more it breaks my heart that I’m having to wait even longer to say I do to my wonderful fiance.

 

Post # 20
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s not an ideal situation but you already have deposits and you don’t want to lose those! If anyone dares judge you for living with your parent’s during this time while having a wedding to celebrate your love…eff’em. Stand by your man, say your vows, and have a wonderful party! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 22
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Anna Winery

@kaytie327:  I’m so sorry you’re in this situation! I was in this situation except opposite.. I have had a lot of health problems that have made it impossible to work, I have a daughter, & never finished my degree. So even if I did find a job, it’d be minimum wage or just over and pointless because of how much daycare is!

Darling Husband already lived with his mom because he was helping her get out of her situation with her ex husband. We were looking at houses when all my health issues started.

Because of all that, we were thinking about postponing.. But then thought about it. We really wanted to be married and there still is no forseeable way to get out of this situation. So, we went ahead and did it!

That was right for us though.

Do what is right, what will make you happy, and financially sound!

 

Post # 23
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

sorry to hear of your crisis!  First, be thankful for a family who will support you!  Our grandparents often started marriages living with their parents especially during WWII!  I know my grandparents were in that situation, and while it might not have been their first choice, it worked out!  Second, there are different options for your future hubby’s career.  It may take a little while to figure out the options, but things should work out!

Post # 24
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Please go ahead and get married! Life throws you curves and you will face many more in the years to come. Don’t let this one derail your plans. Life is short. too short to wait for everything to be “perfect”. 

Post # 25
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@abirdword:  

 

This is exactly what I was going to say.  You definitely don’t have to call the wedding off.  Just scale it back to fit your budget, and don’t feel bad about taking money from your future in-laws.  I think you’ll be surprised by how understanding people will be.

 

 

 

Also, there’s absolutely no shame in living with your parents again.  Most people I know have done it at some point.  ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 26
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I agree with lollybags. I could see where you are coming from until you said you would lose $5000. Keep things as planned! If it makes you more comfortable, maybe scale back a bit. Things will pick up!

Post # 27
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@kaytie327:  Hi

A few months before we got married my dh was retrenched so we ended up living with my parents until the wedding (my mom suggested cancelling because we would s=be starting our marriage in debt) and then after the wedding we had to move for my job and stay with his parents for a few months. My dad got through to my mom by telling her that whether we were married or not we’d still be living together, I’d still be helping him pay off his debt etc. And then for my mom it clicked, we were going to live like we were married even if we weren’t.. My parents graciously agreed to pick up the slack on the wedding and as much as my husband hated not being able to pay for the rest of the wedding that he was meant to, he loved the day. Our wedding day was an amazing positive amongst all of the chaos that we were going through financially and emotionally and we wouldn’t have done it any other way looking back.

So from someone who has been there, get married ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 29
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@kaytie327:  Yip everything does happen for a reason. This will only make you guys stronger ๐Ÿ™‚ I can remember when my dh told me about his retrenchment I cried and just kept crying. I couldn’t understand why when everything was supposed to eb perfect it had to feel ruined, why our happiest moments had to be overshadowed by the other issues and then I realised on our wedding dya that they weren’t… It was still one of the happiest days of our lives regardless of our finances and living situation.

Post # 30
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

Go through with the wedding. There are always bumps in the road in life. You just have to get through them, and get through them together.  

Post # 31
Member
11192 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

The poor guy had an accident.  I wouldn’t ditch wedding plans because of a temporary awkward living situation.

 

 

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