Post # 1
My fiance and I have been together for 7 years, but are on different spectrums of the political realm. Although, I’m relatively moderate, I voted one way and he voted another way in the past election. The problem is, he has told me in the past that he couldn’t stand it if I voted for Candidate X and how he has a hard time being with someone who votes the other way – he literally told me before to vote the same way or he couldn’t be with me. He also demands that I take his name – or at least hyphenate it and he has demanded that I stop taking a prescription pill.
He seems paranoid about the state of the world and repeatedly brings up/raises his voice about the fact that I didn’t listen to him and vote a certain way. He also said he would rather go to jail than follow the governments rules if they ban guns/etc., even if it would make me upset.
We are supposed to get married in ~7 months, but I have been having serious doubts because of how controlling he’s been over the past year or so and also how moody he gets about politics and religion and how unwilling he is to see the other side of things.
Additionally, he also has said before that he won’t leave me and has “made his bed,” but he said that I could call it off any time I want even though he claims that’s not what he wants.
Post # 3
@Strawberry_Tangers: Sounds like he’s told you what he wants, he just lacks the courage to do it. Saying he “made his bed” with regards to marrying you? Is this really what you want?
Seriously, these problems will not go away, if anything they will get worse. It’s sad to see differences over politics come to this, but in a way, the two of you probably see the world as a compeltely difference place.
Post # 4
@Strawberry_Tangers: This doesn’t seem so much political as he’s a control freak with very old fashioned views on marriage and relationships. I’d run for the hills!
ETA: Darling Husband and I voted for different people and get in heated debates when we’ve had few, but that’s fun to us…we respect each other’s views but just like to debate.
Post # 5
I’m not going to say whether or not I think you should call off the wedding, because I don’t think anyone can make that call but you… I don’t know the whole story.
But I will say from what you’ve posted, he sounds like a controlling ass! He seems very disrespectful, and I also think it’s ridiculous that he feels like he’s “stuck” with you by saying “he has made his bed”. I think you would be completely justified in calling off the wedding if you wanted to. You are definitely not overreacting.
Post # 6
Made his bed is not a flattering phrase. How you vote is none of his business actually.
Tell us more…
Post # 7
My Fiance and I have different political views, and it causes disagreements (sometimes healthy discussion, sometimes actual arguments). However, we generally do respect that we each have our reasons for thinking the way we do and acknowledge that we cannot expect the other person to change. If he ever told me how to vote or tried to control me in any other way, it would raise some serious red flags.
Equally concerning is the fact that it sounds like he’s marrying you because he feels like he has no other choice. You deserve better than that.
Post # 8
I would not want to marry a controlling man, no matter what his political affiliation is.
Post # 9
@Mars62312: Agreed. Run, and run fast!!
Post # 10
Please, please, please don’t marry a man that is exhibiting control over you. I can promise you, through experience (I’m in the process of divorce), that it will only get worse. Choose your future carefully, my dear.
Post # 11
Voting, eh? I vote that you take the initiative and get outta there. You wouldn’t be calling off the wedding because of political conflicts; you’d be calling off the wedding (and taking back your life) in your own words: “because of how controlling he’s been over the past year…how moody he gets…and how unwilling he is to see the other side of things.” He is leaving it to you to call it off so that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. Well then. You grab that responsibility with both hands and run. Good luck to you.
Post # 12
What you are fighting about is not what you are fighting about. This isn’t about politics. This is about him trying to control you. Marriage should be about respect and partnershi. I dont think you’ll be able to get that with him. I would postpone wedding planning and really, really think if you can live this way and raise your kids this way.
Post # 13
You all are definitely confirming what I’ve been feeling – thank you. I’ve thought about calling it off about 3 times within the past 7 months, but it seems that once we see each other in person again (we are not living together now) he seems to be sweet again and promises that he wants to marry me.
He is a really honest guy who has never cheated, but when these issues pop up I think it may be a dealbreaker – and I’ve thought of other things he’s done in the past. Granted, we were fairly young when some of these things happened (~22 and we are almost 27 now), but still.. that’s not excuse. Another time I was saying how annoying he was being, so he literally said we were leaving a restaurant right then and if I wanted a ride home to come now, or he’d leave me at the restaurant. Another time I made him mad and he purposely grazed the guardrail while we were driving. Sometimes I think he may have some type of imbalance because he will go from being very sweet, to just acting what I deem to be crazy.
Lastly, I’ve differed politically from other guys, but it never went this far to the point where I was bluntly told seriously not to vote for someone.
Post # 14
I think you know the answer to your own post and you’re just trying to muster up the courage to go ahead and do what needs to be done. *hug* Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. My Fiance and I don’t agree on politics, but he still went with me and expressed the importance that I vote, regardless of who it is for. If he threatened to break up with me over who I voted for, I would tell him to cash in on that promise.
Post # 16
@Strawberry_Tangers: Easy answer, tell him who you voted for.
I agree with all the other posters….. the signs are not good.