(Closed) Thinking about calling off wedding due to political conflicts

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@Strawberry_Tangers:  Your Fiance exhibits SO many characteristics similiar to my soon-to-be-ex-husband.  Individuals like this can charm you, make you feel so special, but then have reactive and explosive anger problems, while also exerting control over you.  After being married for two years, I felt I was losing myself, my voice, my identity.  If you’re still not sure what to do, I would highly advise you to read the book called, “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay”.  The book really helped me to make the decision to leave him and take my life back.  Good luck and feel free to PM me, if you’d like.  

http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350

P.S. If he purposely damaged the car when he was upset with you, imagine what he could do next?!  You don’t deserve that type of treatment!!

Post # 78
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Strawberry_Tangers:  He sounds crazy. I wouldn’t marry him. Sounds like he’s taking his beliefs and political convictions a little too far. It’s important to have balance in all things. He’s losing his. I’d call it off.

Post # 79
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s time for you to bounce!

Post # 80
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@KCKnd2:  Amen!

Post # 81
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This man is nuts. Leave. How can he rationally say that your vote is trampling on HIS rights?!

1) Voting for whomever you want is a right in this country. Women’s suffrage and all that.

2) Millions of people vote, so on an individual basis, his vote (and yours) is mathematically insignificant. Science dude.

What a controlling, mean, idiot. Sorry.

Post # 82
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@Strawberry_Tangers:  The guardrail thing terrifies me for you. Regardless of the intent, that is risking your life. Do whatever you think is best for yourself, but please be careful. 

Post # 83
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The worst thing you could do in this situation is get pregnant. If you’re still sleeping with this man, please stop. In My Humble Opinion, if someone would risk your life just to prove a point, there’s no reason to entrust yours to them. Also, what if he snapped and he was alone with your baby? Marriage doesn’t make problems go away- it makes them worse.

I agree with PPs that when (because I can’t even picture an “if” in this situation) you break up with him, you should get you stuff out of the house while he’s at work, make sure you have your own money, and get some male friends and relatives to sit with you while you break up with him in a public place. It will be hard, but you can do it. Be brave, be strong, and know we’re all behind you!

Post # 85
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

@whiteroses:  Also, what if he snapped and he was alone with your baby?…   <—This.  And the comment about marriage making problems worse- same for babies, not trying to be mean. OP, a baby means that you have to focus on someone else rather than your problems and you need to resolve this way before you ever bring a child into the picture. He has anger problems as it is- imagine how much worse they’ll be when you two never have time to talk it out. He’s volatile now- how much worse will he be when he hasn’t slept in 72 hours because of a colicky or sick baby? Or how much worse are you gonna feel if you’re the primary caregiver, and he expects you to fufill all of the duties of a mother and wife on no sleep? What if he ever got mad at the baby for crying and shook it? Babies can’t handle being shaken the way an adult can- something like that could kill your baby, even on accident. And imagine how it would affect your child emotionally if their father ever blew up and did something like grazing the guardrail on the side of the road again, or they grew up having to listen to their father threatening to leave their mother over stupid things.

I’ve thought about several different outcomes, and none of them end happily. So I urge you to get out of this relationship now, before it escalates.

Post # 86
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@lisandra616: um, i have bipolar disorder and his behavior DOES NOT fit the symptoms of bipolar. it fits someone who is controlling and wants her to feel inferior to him. if anything, he might have a form of paranoia but not bipolar.

 

strawberry tangers- if i were you, i would get out of the relationship now. he’ll just get worse.

 

Post # 87
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have to agree with PPs. Especially after seeing your updates. From the limited information I have about him, he does not sound like someone I would trust to raise my children. And, in the end, that’s what it all comes down to.

Post # 90
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@calibee79:  Ok well I have bipolar disorder as well and I have behaved like that before. Not everyones bipolar is the same theres 3 different types. It was a thought you don’t have to agree.

Post # 91
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I share different views that my Fiance but he respects me a s aperson and as an equal and never tells me what I can and can’t do (within reason I mean if I wanted to go streaking in front of thousands of people he’d probably tell me not to do it) and this seems hostile in a way. I don’t see it ever changing or getting better from where it’s at right now so it’s really up to you to do some soul searching.

You clearly have fears and are uncomfortable with the current situation so think about the rest of your life with the same person and same conflicts then think of your children and how the differences and possible quarrels might hurt them. If you can picture a divorce with him in the future, he’s probably not the best person to marry.

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