Post # 77
@Strawberry_Tangers: Your Fiance exhibits SO many characteristics similiar to my soon-to-be-ex-husband. Individuals like this can charm you, make you feel so special, but then have reactive and explosive anger problems, while also exerting control over you. After being married for two years, I felt I was losing myself, my voice, my identity. If you’re still not sure what to do, I would highly advise you to read the book called, “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay”. The book really helped me to make the decision to leave him and take my life back. Good luck and feel free to PM me, if you’d like.
P.S. If he purposely damaged the car when he was upset with you, imagine what he could do next?! You don’t deserve that type of treatment!!
Post # 78
@Strawberry_Tangers: He sounds crazy. I wouldn’t marry him. Sounds like he’s taking his beliefs and political convictions a little too far. It’s important to have balance in all things. He’s losing his. I’d call it off.
Post # 79
It’s time for you to bounce!
Post # 81
This man is nuts. Leave. How can he rationally say that your vote is trampling on HIS rights?!
1) Voting for whomever you want is a right in this country. Women’s suffrage and all that.
2) Millions of people vote, so on an individual basis, his vote (and yours) is mathematically insignificant. Science dude.
What a controlling, mean, idiot. Sorry.
Post # 82
@Strawberry_Tangers: The guardrail thing terrifies me for you. Regardless of the intent, that is risking your life. Do whatever you think is best for yourself, but please be careful.
Post # 83
The worst thing you could do in this situation is get pregnant. If you’re still sleeping with this man, please stop. In My Humble Opinion, if someone would risk your life just to prove a point, there’s no reason to entrust yours to them. Also, what if he snapped and he was alone with your baby? Marriage doesn’t make problems go away- it makes them worse.
I agree with PPs that when (because I can’t even picture an “if” in this situation) you break up with him, you should get you stuff out of the house while he’s at work, make sure you have your own money, and get some male friends and relatives to sit with you while you break up with him in a public place. It will be hard, but you can do it. Be brave, be strong, and know we’re all behind you!
Post # 84
@Strawberry_Tangers: Itsounds like he may possibly be bipolar
Post # 85
@whiteroses: Also, what if he snapped and he was alone with your baby?… <—This. And the comment about marriage making problems worse- same for babies, not trying to be mean. OP, a baby means that you have to focus on someone else rather than your problems and you need to resolve this way before you ever bring a child into the picture. He has anger problems as it is- imagine how much worse they’ll be when you two never have time to talk it out. He’s volatile now- how much worse will he be when he hasn’t slept in 72 hours because of a colicky or sick baby? Or how much worse are you gonna feel if you’re the primary caregiver, and he expects you to fufill all of the duties of a mother and wife on no sleep? What if he ever got mad at the baby for crying and shook it? Babies can’t handle being shaken the way an adult can- something like that could kill your baby, even on accident. And imagine how it would affect your child emotionally if their father ever blew up and did something like grazing the guardrail on the side of the road again, or they grew up having to listen to their father threatening to leave their mother over stupid things.
I’ve thought about several different outcomes, and none of them end happily. So I urge you to get out of this relationship now, before it escalates.
Post # 86
@lisandra616: um, i have bipolar disorder and his behavior DOES NOT fit the symptoms of bipolar. it fits someone who is controlling and wants her to feel inferior to him. if anything, he might have a form of paranoia but not bipolar.
strawberry tangers- if i were you, i would get out of the relationship now. he’ll just get worse.
Post # 87
I have to agree with PPs. Especially after seeing your updates. From the limited information I have about him, he does not sound like someone I would trust to raise my children. And, in the end, that’s what it all comes down to.
Post # 88
@whiteroses: totally agree.. 100%
Post # 89
@sleepyhead22: Wow – that does sound freakishly similar! At first I thought he might break up with me after I told him who I voted for, but he didn’t, yet he still brings it up. Thanks for sharing your story.
@melisslp: that looks like a good read – thanks for posting the book link. And your description is so accurate – this is how I feel: ” Individuals like this can charm you, make you feel so special, but then have reactive and explosive anger problems, while also exerting control over you.”
I agree with the children comments as well. I’ve told him before that if we stayed together and if we had a kid down the road his behavior with a lot of things would have to change. As I said before, the guardrail thing was about 5 years ago or so, but I do think, you never know if he could do something again like that. Granted, we weren’t going that fast and it was a country road but it still scared the heck outta me!!
Thanks for all the other advice and hugs everyone. It truly does help.
Post # 90
@calibee79: Ok well I have bipolar disorder as well and I have behaved like that before. Not everyones bipolar is the same theres 3 different types. It was a thought you don’t have to agree.
Post # 91
I share different views that my Fiance but he respects me a s aperson and as an equal and never tells me what I can and can’t do (within reason I mean if I wanted to go streaking in front of thousands of people he’d probably tell me not to do it) and this seems hostile in a way. I don’t see it ever changing or getting better from where it’s at right now so it’s really up to you to do some soul searching.
You clearly have fears and are uncomfortable with the current situation so think about the rest of your life with the same person and same conflicts then think of your children and how the differences and possible quarrels might hurt them. If you can picture a divorce with him in the future, he’s probably not the best person to marry.