(Closed) Thinking about calling off wedding due to political conflicts

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m a social worker who works with women experiencing abuse, and I’m telling you as a friend and as a professional: your partner is abusive. Like everyone else has said, it’s not really about politics, its about him trying to control you. You’ve said that it doesn’t seem as bad because he’s never laid a hand on you, but please know that abuse tends to get worse after the couple starts living together and/or gets married. It also can escalate a lot when a woman is pregnant. So those are some things to keep in mind. The fact that he’s punched walls shows that he’s capable of violence. Also, emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, it just hurts you in a different way.

The guard rail incident reminded me of someone I know. When she was a kid, her dad was abusive and the family was driving in the car one day, and the parents were fighting. The dad got mad and purposely swerved the car into the oncoming lane (he could see that no one was coming). Nothing happened, but when his psychiatrist got wind of it, it got reported and Children’s Aid had to investigate the family. I know you don’t have kids. But my point is: incidents like that are taken THAT seriously, because they are serious. It means that he’s willing to potentially jeopardize your safety just to prove a point and scare you.

You said: “Sometimes I think he may have some type of imbalance because he will go from being very sweet, to just acting what I deem to be crazy.” Honestly, most women from abusive relationships say things like this. There is something called the cycle of abuse. Basically, the person swings from abusive behaviour to very sweet, loving behaviour (that part is called the honeymoon phase). There’s an explanation of it on this website: http://www.respect4women.org/what-is-abuse/the-cycle-of-abuse/

I would suggest reading up on information about abusive relationships and seeing if you identify with the signs. You may not think that your relationship is as bad as what you’re reading about. But abuse gets worse over time. I also wanted you to know that at my work, we do something called a danger assessment – its used to get an idea of how much danger a person is in from her abusive partner. And on that test, if the partner owns a gun it significantly increases her risk. I’m not trying to spark a gun debate, or saying that your partner is capable of using a gun against you, but abuse of any kind + guns in the house does = greater risk, in a very general sense.

I know deciding whether or not to break up with him is a difficult decision for you to make. Remember that its yours to make. You have the power to make this choice, whatever your choice may be. If you need anything or want to talk, please feel free to message me.



Post # 93
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@dawn_of_thedead:  I totally agree. 

This is not actually about politics. My husband and I are on completely different ends of the political spectrum. In my younger days, I would have written him off as a person for voting how he does. These days, I see it as a growth thing that we have both learned to see things from different perspective with each other.

Occasionally, we have standup arguments about politics and yell and scream about the subject matter because we’re passionate about the subject. Hell, I do that with my brother. There is a different between heated political debate and someone being controlling and emotionally abusive. 

I think you need to run, fast. 

Post # 95
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Brielle:  This!!!

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