Post # 1
I have got to spill my heart out. You don’t have to be kind, I don’t expect anyone to. This is simply horrible on my part.
I have been “waiting” for an engagement for months. We’ve talked about it but it hasn’t happened. I can truly see myself spending the rest of my life with my boyfriend. The only thing lacking is true lovers passion. 🙁 Other than this, we couldn’t be more perfect for one another. He’s just kinda plain jane, no fuss or frills, and he likes the ordinary, which I sometimes feel is slightly mundane.
Anyway, down to the blood and guts. Two nights in a row, I had a dream about my ex out of the blue. Then I saw a car at the grocery store that was just like his (uncommon car). I figured I’d call him to wish him a Merry Christmas, it’d been 5 months since we’d talked.
It turned into an hour long conversation that involved him confessing his undying love for me and how he knew in his heart I was the love of his life. WOAH. Not what I expected. I do have deep down feelings for him, as we had a passionate, intense relationship (not necessarily healthy).
There are so many things that complicate the situation, and I could never imagine us together again. But I could imagine seeing him again.
I just can’t quit thinking about him. He wants to see me tomorrow when I go to town. I want to see him.
I have never, ever cheated on any of my boyfriends (even in high school!) But I am aching and longing for my ex… and I don’t know what’s going on with me.
I know full well it’s wrong. I know I should not see him, but I also don’t like to deny to myself things I truly want.
Aren’t we supposed to live for the moment, live each day like we’re dying? (Ok, I know there’s a differnece between cheating and living for the moment.. but still)
I wouldn’t mind some mind blowing ex-sex, but I know that is so, so wrong to my boyfriend (who I want to MARRY!).
But there is no ring on my finger. No, that still does not make it right. I don’t know if I could lie.
There is SO much going on in my head and I am just struggling. I crave intensity and emotions, and I can’t even imagine how amazing it would feel to see my ex, no strings attached.
I am an awful person for even thinking and feeling this way, I love my boy so much…
WTF is wrong with me?
Post # 3
From what you’ve said, my opinion is for you to leave your boyfriend. Leave him now, accept the consequences, and figure out what it is that you want. Your other option would be to talk about these feelings that you’re having with your boyfriend and explore where they are coming from. Other than that, I highly recommend against cheating. There really isn’t anything to be gained from it except for guilt and heartache and for what? A few minutes of physical satisfaction which is too high a price to pay.
You’re human, you’re not a bad person, but you have a choice to not do harm.
Post # 4
“I know full well it’s wrong. I know I should not see him”
That’s your answer. No you’re not an awful person, temptation happens to lots of people. But you need to be a mature adult about this and stay away from the ex so long as you are with this other guy. If you cheat on your current boyfriend, then suffice it to say you are not helping the relationship with someone whom you supposedly want to marry.
I say supposedly because you are very clear that you find the relationship with this guy to be “blah”. That doesn’t sound like marriage material at all. You have lost all passion for the relationship and you aren’t even married!
Bottom line: don’t cheat, you know it’s wrong, and you need to re-examine your current relationship and see if it is really something you want to be in.
Post # 5
Wow…I don’t see cheating as being ok ever. Probably because I’ve been cheated on and it’s awful and NO ONE deserves to be disregarded in that manner.
Do your BF a favor and leave him before you do something that would emotionally hurt him. He obviously isn’t truely what you want if you are having all of these thoughts and wants for someone else.
Post # 6
I’m sorry you’re struggling so much.
I strongly believe that one doesn’t cheat unless one is unhappy in his/her relationship. If you are having these feelings perhaps you need to reevaluate your current relationship and even seek counselling (by yourself or as a couple).
I don’t think cheating is ever, ever justified. If you want to get back together with your ex, please do your boyfriend the courtesy of ending things with him first.
Post # 7
@MissHelen: <— what she said.
Post # 8
This is a classic case of head and heart clearly not seeing eye to eye. Ultimately it comes down to a choice. If you really love your guy and want to live out forever with him, you won’t cheat. Temptation comes and goes in all relationships. We are only human. The big this is deciding what you want to do about this temptation. If you love your guy at all, maybe the best thing to do is to call if off with him completely. It sounds like the romance and excitement in your relationship is seriously lacking here. Not saying you should get back with your ex or anything, but there is definitely something wrong with this situation that needs addressing. Can you imagine staying married to someone for the rest of your lives without having this passion you are craving? I know I couldn’t, and most wouldn’t either. So there is really no shame in you having the feelings you are having. But don’t be the bad guy here. Don’t act on these impulse feelings while you are still in a serious relationship with your guy. Take a step back from everything and evaluate. Being cheated on is one of the most traumatic things a person can endure. Do you really want to do that to him?
Post # 9
Loving him “so much” isn’t keeping you from wanting something your relationship with him lacks. If it’s important enough for you to contemplate cheating, it’s important enough for your to end this relationship for.
I don’t agree with cheating. I see no point. If you want sex and passion with your ex, do it while not in a relationship with someone else. Do it while single. That way the only person you can hurt is yourself. No reason to have your bf along for that ride. Cheating = not ok, IMO. If you want it THIS badly – badly enough to want to do it “on the side” – then do it. But do it outside of a relationship.
Post # 10
“true lovers passion” is not love. A relationship is not sustained on that heat, it’s usually just initiated by it.
He’s your ex for a reason. Sometimes its hard to remember those reasons.
All that said, if you don’t want to be with your boyfriend, then don’t be. If you want to have relations with someone else, then you need to tell your boyfriend that.
Post # 11
Normally I would say to stay out of a situation like this. It’s only natural for relationships to become less passionate over time. That’s what happens when someone goes from a possibility to a certainty. The suspense and anticipation dissipate, but they’re replaced with trust, partnerhsip, compansionship. It’s up to us to decide at what point and with what people we want to give up the former for the latter. I think it’s generally part of growing up, just like accepting that we have to take on more responsibility in life as we get older.
That said, I do recall you having some posts previously that made me think that you are feeling really taken for granted in your relationship. Maybe this is a time to stop and really consider if the relationship you’re in is the right one for you. Cheating will always feel illicit and seductive, but it should also feel very painful to be thinking of hurting someone who you care about as much as anyone in the world, including yourself. If you’re not concerned about the damage you’re doing to your boyfriend, then maybe you’re not ready to get married to him or he’s not the right person for you to make the trade of passion for partnership with.
Post # 12
Please don’t cheat. It’s the dishonesty that is so wrong about cheating. It’s hard, but if you want to explore other options, tell your boyfriend. If this is someone you truly care about, he doesn’t deserve this. You can live for the moment and be a person with integrity.
I don’t think not being engaged has anything to do with it – you’re in a relationship, regardless of the length of time or a ring, you’re committed. Be honest in that relationship.
Please don’t do it.
Post # 13
You need to leave your boyfriend before you pursue ANYTHING with your ex. If you really love your boyfriend, you wouldn’t actually want to cheat on him. Maybe seeing a therapist would help you sort these feelings out. Good luck.
Post # 13
First of all, you are not an awful person for thinking about it. I do think that you need to figure out what is wrong in your current relationship that you are looking outside of it for sex, or whatever. It is possible that this may not be the man that you are supposed to marry. However, you may just be getting wrapped up in the thought of your ex. Flings with past relationships usually burn hard and fast. Please make sure you are ready to say good bye to your current relationship before you meet up with your ex. Because, In My Humble Opinion, your relationship with your current boyfriend it pretty much over once you cheat.
Post # 15
@MissHelen: got to agree with MissHelen on this one. you have a choice in this..it doesnt have to be cheating.
Girl you arent married! (so funny to say that on the bee) you need to find out what is best for you – better to do it now while you are still “single” – but dont do it while sneaking around – you need to break up with BF if thats the road you want to take.