Post # 46
So I guess it’s not just the sex I’m looking for.. it’s the passion and emotional intensity. Actually those two things over physical sex which absolutely raises a HUGE red flag about my current relationship. Or maybe raises a flag about myself and my expectations of a long-term. stable, and committed relationship?
However, it just breaks my heart thinking about coming THISCLOSE to finding “the perfect” person. So hard to even think about. I am ginuinely happy with him. Absolutely. But I guess if it’s not truly right, it’s not right.
This is so damned hard.
@EffieTrinket: Definitely going away for a few days. I am spending tomorrow afternoon thru Saturday night in my hometown (where the ex lives….). But I have made the decision not to see him. It wasn’t an easy decision (there is another red flag), but it’s made and I am going to have some ME time.
Oh heck yes, I am an impulsive person and have some ugly hormoes at times and am SO susceptible to emotions. That’s why I feel that although my boyfriend doesn’t share the “passion”, he balances me out so well. I think if I actually attained the level of “passion” I want, it could only be negative. Positive passion does not last long… Like a PP said, it gets replaced with companionship, trust, respect, etc. Maybe I’m just doomed to be single forever.
Wow… lyrics made me CRY. Now I am about to listen to the song (no speakers on other computer lol)
Afraid of committment? Bingo. I can’t even commit to an exercise routine and my parents are divorced. Nuff said.
Post # 47
If you’re seriously thinking about cheating with your ex stop waiting for a ring and move on with your life. This isn’t the guy for you and cheating on him will only make you look bad/really hurt your current boyfriend (more so than just leaving him). Why would you want that? Leave him and have a romp with your ex if that’s what you want. Realize once this happens you can’t go back.
Post # 48
Okay, I’m going to slightly dissent here. I don’t think it’s weird to consider meeting your ex for fantastic sex. I think it’s wrong to cheat, absolutely, but I don’t think semi-seriously considering cheating means your relationship is doomed or you’re a bad person. Temptation happens, and I think even the best of us have at least had these kind of thoughts before, even if just during a lull in your relationship or after a fight or when you’re having one of those “what does it all mean” days. So, yeah, don’t go meet your ex unless you dump the BF first, but what you’re feeling is normal. Maybe it’s even BECAUSE it’s wrong/taboo etc. Sometimes that kind of thing can also be exciting for the same reasons.
So, you’re not necessarily insane or wrong or in a bad relationship because you consider cheating. But I still think you should leave the BF, and here’s why: You describe your relationship like a “logic match”. I don’t think you sound like you love the BF romantically as much as you love the idea of him (you have the same interests, you get along alright, you’re scared you might not meet “the one” if you leave him.) Of course it’s good to think about compatibility with your (maybe) future spouse. But the other ways you describe him: plain jane, mundane, emotionally unfulfilling… those aren’t ways you describe someone you’re crazy for, even if you’re having a rough patch.
That’s my two cents. Good luck! I’m sending good vibes your way.
Post # 49
Something is missing in your current relationship, and you want to try to fill that void with a blast from the past.
The blast from the past will only make things a million times worse. Confront your feelings. Do you really want to marry your boyfriend? Even though you’re seriously considering cheating? I can’t answer that for you, but from what I’m reading, the answer is “no.”
Breaking up is heartbreaking. Being cheated on is devastating. And even though he hasn’t proposed, your boyfriend absolutely does not deserve that.
Post # 50
Don’t cheat. it’s not worth it, believe me. Been there, done that and you’ll feel guilty forever. Break it off if it’s just not feeling right but in my experience I regretting acting on my tempation because later on I realized how much I loved my SO and we were just going through a rough point.
Post # 51
Ask yourself what you want your life to be about.
Clearly you love many parts to your boyfriend however he doesn’t give you passionate sex. The ex-boyfriend did, but obviously lacked in other areas for you to eventually break up with him. Understand that you can’t have both and no one is perfect.
You can have thoughts and fantasies about your ex and you can’t control that, but the minute you start catching up with him, you are cheating and that is not reasonable.