(Closed) Thinking about death more now that I’m married…

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I just keep telling myself “it’s a long time from now you have shit to think about and deal with now!”, so then I start stressing other crap. LOL

Post # 4
Hostess
11279 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@skipper2010: I think that from time to time. But I suppose it’s going to happen one day but hopefully a very long time away.

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@skipper2010: I totally understand where you are coming from. Now that I am realizing how great our life together is going to be, I get nervous that I’m jinxing it and something bad will happen. I try to just distract myself from these thoughts for the most part, but it has also led to talks of life insurance and just-in-case type stuff that I think is never a bad thing to have in place.

Post # 6
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I always think this way and its very hard for me to deal with sometimes. I have thought this way for a long, long time and it plagues me. I am not a religious person but I try to believe there is more that we can see and know. That this cant be it. The unknown is always scary and I think thats what scares me so much about death and dying. But I try not to think about it too much because I dont want it to affect my daily life. I want to enjoy myself. I want to enjoy my time here and make the most out of it. At one point it did get very bad so I went to counseling for it and took anxiety medication to relieve some of the terrible thoughts. That helped me a lot.

Post # 7
Hostess
11279 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@PitBulLover: I feel so much better after reading your comment. When I was a teen I used to freak myself out about it and thought I was weird for getting freaked out but then spoke to a friend who felt the same and I felt comforted by it. I did start getting freaked out again by it a few months ago but luckily unlike when I was younger I talk to Fiance about it and like you say I’ve just realised I’ve got to enjoy it while we’re here.

Post # 8
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@CatyLady: This thread and your post make me feel better too. I NEVER talked about this with anyone and I just thought I was crazy/weird for having thoughts like this. Luckily now I talk to my husband about it and he helps to calm me down. I take deep breaths and I think about positive things. Actually last night I had a little breakdown about this and in order to cheer me up we went to get ice cream. Im sure there are tons of people that feel this way but never vocalize it.

Post # 9
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ever since Fiance and I got serious, I’ve been terrified it’s all going to be taken away.  Because I mean, it’s totally unfair that I get to be this happy when so many good people are so miserable.  I’ve told him “don’t die” on more than one occasion, and he always laughs at me.  I know I’ll be devastated at the end of our lives if he dies first and I have to go on alone, but I’m more scared that we’ll never even get that chance, and that this amazing relationship will turn into just a blip on the radar in my life.  I think it’s natural when something’s really great to get fearful and want to protect it.

Post # 11
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I’ve been thinking about death too since I’ve been engaged. If someone drives crazy I’m like… hey I’m getting married, slow down! But it’s not like an everyday thing. I think I am just looking forward to spending my life together with my Fiance, and would hate it if anything happened to either one of us. Marriage has just heightened it (temporarily I hope). I am a Christian though, so I know that I will be able to see him again one day, or vice versa. So that is a plus for us. And knowing that I have God who will never leave, sometimes comforts me, but I still worry and it will still be a sad sad day when he is gone. Boo.

Post # 12
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I think about this too!  It’s my biggest fear that my SO will die, especially before we get engaged or married.  I’m sure it will continue once we’re married.  Sometimes I get so scared that I feel like throwing up and I start to cry.  I agree with Miss OBG that it was since we got very very serious (in fact I told him I love you for the first time because I didn’t want him to die on his 3 hr ride home without knowing).  I too fear that because we’re so happy and perfect together that it will be taken away to be “fair” to others who are suffering.  I try to remind myself all the suffering I’ve experienced to make that fear go away.  Ugh!  I hope we die together instantly in a car crash when we’re 85 so we don’t have to live without each other.

Post # 13
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think its natural to worry about losing something amazing.I always think that things with me and Fiance are so perfect ,something bad has to happen to balance it out,and that I cant be this happy without paying a price for it. But since our engagement I have found myself being way more careful,to the point of silliness.Things like Im really cautious about crossing the road,not leaving the room without blowing out any candles(even if its for like 2 seconds),when Im cooking I worry about setting the house on fire.And its all stuff I never really thought about before (I know I was a walking hazard!lol)

But then Im not hugely afraid of dying but I am absolutely petrified of getting old (Im talking well into my 80s/90s here)It scares me that I could well end up being a burden on someone,and I hate that.

Post # 15
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@prewitt and pitbulllover-I have the exact same phobia. Made worse by the fact that I think once you’re dead, you’re dead. I won’t be floating around some nether dream world with my husband and children. And yes, anti-anxiety medication is required. Lol

That said, I really hope I go first because I cannot imagine my life without my husband and children. Horrible.

Post # 16
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I always think like this. Around the six month mark of our relationship I actually legitimately developed a panic disorder because I was convinced that every little twinge in my body was a sure sign that I was about to die suddenly…I discovered through some therapy and serious introspection that I subconsciously was so afraid of dying and my relationship having to end before we even really started/lived our life together that I’d work myself up and try to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. That lasted for about a year until I got a grip on it. It was really awful 🙁

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