(Closed) Thinking about having another talk–bees what do you think?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

Try and keep mum!  (British speak for stay quiet)  Something could be brewing and you don’t know.  Maybe he is excellent at planning surprises? 

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t bring it up in terms of an engagement, but maybe take it upon yourself to plan a get-together. Just say “I know we talked about our parents meetings. Why don’t we have them over for lunch next Sunday”. Maybe it will jog his memory a little.

Post # 7
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

IMO you should just leave it comepletely alone until July. He may not have been into surprise in  the past or with regards to everything else, but men can have very different ideas when it comes to engagement.

The other reason I think you should leave it alone is that it will give you much better leverage to have the conversation in July. You will have waited the alloted period of time. If you bring it up now, he is only going to point out tha July is still 4 months away.

Post # 8
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with platains, even thought I know it’s hard.  At best, if you know when your family might be free for a visit, you might mention that they could be stopping by during such-and-such month.  Don’t mention him bringing his family over at the same time – if he’s planning it, he’ll take advantage of it on his own.  If not, then, as plantains says, you gain more credibility by waiting till July.  He can’t claim you nagged him and pestered him about it.  Give him information about a possible visit just the same as you would a visiting friend, “O, yeah, I heard from Mom today.  She’d like to come by in April/May/June…etc.  We should be home, right?”  (Even if YOU invite you family over to help facilitate this, don’t mention it – this may sound a little sneaky, but if there’s been a “falling out” and he’s unsure how to get the families together, your family making the first move by coming to visit could give him the opening he might be looking for. 

Post # 9
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If the uniting of the parents is relying on his mom…he might be working on her right now…

You agreed on July, don’t say anything until July.

It’s hard! But, as an outsider looking in, it sounds like a bit of a stressful situation for him (his mom causing issues, trying to please the girl and make a good impression on her family…) you know?

Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the PP + July is a pretty long ways away in a guys mind. Maybe he’s not begun planning yet, but is still going to honour the timeline

Post # 12
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I guess I disagree with the others.  If you haven’t mentioned anything since December, it would not be nagging/pestering to say, hey, last time we talked you gave me a timeline of 5-6 months; are we still on track for that?  For your own sanity.

I mean, sure, no guy wants to endure daily or weekly meltdowns about why you aren’t engaged yet, but this is your life, too, and you shouldn’t have to tiptoe around the subject to the extent that you have been doing so.

Post # 14
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My fiance said even though he had bought the ring he almost put off proposing because I was pressuring him and it wasn’t an attractive quality in me so I’d just stay quiet about it.

Post # 16
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Shirinjoon: It doesn’t have to be another big dramatic talk.  It doesn’t have to be a tearful meltdown.  A proposal is a huge moment in a man’s life, but this is your life, too, and you should be able to have occasional calm discussions about marriage timetables without him freaking out and accusing you of whining/wheedling/nagging/pressuring.

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