(Closed) Thinking About Breaking Up – This is so, so hard..

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Have you ever seen the movie “Why did I get married?” They discuss the 80/20 rule.

In your current relationship you have 80% of the things that you want. You are missing maybe 20%. Romance or passion, etc. You run into an ex-boyfriend who happens to have the 20% that your current relationship is missing. So that 20% stands out and seems fantastic and you start to wonder why your current relationship doesn’t have it.  Therefore making the ex seem more appealing, however you left that relationship because you were missing the 80% the real meat and potatos of the relationship. You need to determine what’s more important to you the 80% the fundamentals of any good relationship or this 20% that is making you question your entire relationship.

If you leave you might forever ruin your current relationship. His pride or you may decide to do something stupid with Mr. 20% and then you might regret the loss because that 80% in hindsight was the best thing you ever had.

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@mwitter80: Good post. 

I would seriously evaluate things with current boyfriend and look at why things ended with ex bf before jumping to the conclusion that the grass is greener on the other side. 

I understand that the ex is making you doubt your relationship (or at least see it in a new light).  Would your thoughts or feelings change if you knew that your ex would NEVER get back with you? 

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

To me, companionship, loyal love is more meaningful than passionate, romance love.  You can always get romantic through other ways.

I understand questioning things BUT don’t let it be about or think about the ex.  You want to leave your boyfriend for reasons about your personal growth and future (not b/c you might still have feelings for another).

I really agree with mwitter80 and caszos.

Post # 7
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Marriage probably should be off the table for a bit at least.

I left a ‘good’ relationship to be with my husband.  Lots of heartache at the time but I dont’ have any regrets.  I never fought with my previous boyfriend but when I’d try to talk to him about stuff the answer was always something like ‘it’ll work out’ and I found that I was talking to other people to fullfill something in me he wasn’t meeting.  The more I thought about it the more I realized I was with him because he was a nice guy and we could have had a marriage that worked but oh my I’m glad I didn’t marry him, emotionally it would have been very unfullfilling even if I didn’t realize it at the time.

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@nowifey: Ok so it kind of sounds like you’ve leaned a little towards the ex offering you an escape route from your current life. This changes my opinion a little. If you need an escape then perhaps your current relationship isn’t the one for you.

Post # 9
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You definitely aren’t alone. Before Darling Husband and I got married, I had some similar thoughts. I never seriously thought about leaving him, as he is amazing and I love him. But our relationship is different from the relationship I had with my exes, not necessarily good or bad, just different. I think it’s normal to have second thoughts and too look back on past relationships, but I agree that you broke up with your ex for a reason. It might seem like the reason(s) for you breaking up aren’t there anymore, but that’s probably not the case. You sound like you really love your bf and are happy with him. Why not think about what you need in your relationship with him to be and feel more romantic. Remember that every good and lasting relationship will mature and change over time, and it’s normal to go through different stages where the romance might be really strong, then dwindle a bit. Understanding how you feel loved by your bf (I’m thinking along the lines of the book about the different love languages) might help you in your current relationship to feel more spark and more fulfillment. I would be VERY hesitant to leave your bf or make any rash decisions. Hating your job is no reason to leave your bf and go back to your ex.

Post # 11
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If your current Boyfriend or Best Friend isn’t right for you then that is fine.  However, don’t jump ship thinking the grass is greener on the other side.  I also think its important to have communication in a relationship.  I don’t really think its fair to blindside a partner.  You should discuss your feelings with him and give him an honest opportunity to make changes.  He can’t read your mind. 

I would serisously take a look at why you and ex bf broke up the first time around and seriously evaluate what has changed since then. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, he’s unreceptive to your needs.  If your partner will not after thorough explanation, assist you in any problem then he may not be for you.  You should be able to talk to your partner about your innermost issues.  That to me is good companionship.

Post # 13
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@caszos: I agree.

I think the best thing you can do is talk to your current Boyfriend or Best Friend about exactly what is going on in your head and ask him what his thoughts are. You never know…he may agree with you and think that his needs aren’t being met either. At that point, you can discuss your options with him.

Post # 16
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

why dont you sit down and talk to him about it? where do you see yourself going over the years? how happy is he with you? does he think the same things as you sometimes.

honestly the boy and i have broken up our fair share of times, but i always know we’ll end up back together, its true when they say you never know what you got till its gone… if you want like a trail seperation then try that, spend a few days apart and see if its a cant live without him thing/ or il be ok without him, then you’ll have your answer, i hope this helps:)

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