- 2 years ago
I can relate to your post OP. I lived with my Fi’s parents (for 6 months) after we graduated to save money while we waited to start our jobs. Most. Miserable. Experience. of my life. I learned a lot about his family dynamic too and we fought weekly about it (primarily his mom).
We live together on our own now, and I still don’t like seeing them. The difference between our situations though is that Fi is just as annoyed by his mom as I am. I have learned that bitching about her gets me nowhere, it has to come from a compassionate place.
I think you need to either establish a good friend group where you are (which can be so difficult), or move to where you have friends. I’ve tried my best here in his home state, but next year we are moving to mine. We live at the beach now and will be moving 7 hours north to colder weather. I do feel bad about asking him to leave, but he understands that I cannot continue to live like this. Similarly to you, I was relying on him for ALL of my happiness. I’m an extrovert and a social butterfly, and the most socializing I’ve gotten is seeing the regulars at the gym. I’ve tried making friends, and while I get along well with plenty of girls here, none of them have developed into deep meaningful friendships.
Part of being an adult is self-care. And wanting to move closer to your family and friends does not make you selfish, it makes you aware. I’m nervous for my Fi, but I have such a large and close-knit network at my home that I think he will be just fine and maybe even happier once we leave here. It’s nobody else’s job to make you happy besides yourself, so absolutely do what you need to do whether that be going on a solo trip, a new job, making a move with your Fi, or whatever it is.