- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
This is going to be long, so please bear with me.
I have been with my husband since I was 14. We have been married since December, 2010. We have ALOT of problems. To be honest these problems have always been there, they have just been getting worse and worse as the time goes on.
I am miserable. I can’t stand being around my husband. I resent him, I dislike him and I am so sick and tired of working for his approval and affection.
These are some of the issues we have (I have copied and pasted this from a letter I am drafting him)
” Intimacy: I feel like this is an area which is majorly lacking in our relationship. Sex is a rarity, and when it does occur there is very little warm up and it ends rather quickly. I used to think our issues stemmed for the issues we had with ED, however now everything is functioning there has not been an improvement in this area. I I would like us to connect, to kiss and hold each other. I want to feel wanted, and I want you to feel that way too. This is a major issue for me with our relationship.
” Respect: A lot of the time, I do not feel as though you respect me. When you are yelling at me, talking down to me, rolling your eyes at me or calling me names I do not feel respected. I feel worthless and that I do not matter. I want to be a team with you. I want us to be able to rely on each other. I don’t know if you treat me this way because you feel like I am not equal to you, or because you think I need you to take care or me, but I can’t handle it. I don’t like coming home and having to walk on egg shells, or have to watch what I say out of fear of angering you and getting the silent treatment. You and I both know you are better at communicating then me, and you have a better memory. When I try and bring up my feelings or issues I always end up apologising to you, and leaving feeling like an idiot.
” Quality time: I feel that we have very little time together. You never want to go out and do things with me, such as go to dinner, go see a movie or just go for a drive. I usually initiate things are for the past few months I haven’t been and we have just been sitting at home, you on the computer (not always doing uni work) and me either watching TV or just going to bed early. I understand we have different hobbies- you like to read and educate yourself, go to the gym and whatnot. I feel though that even though I try and come to the gym with you so we can share that together, you make little effort to do things with me that I enjoy.
” Control: Although I feel that your intentions come from a place of kindness and good intentions, I often feel very controlled by you. I don’t like being told what to eat, what to drink, if I should work out, if I should get up, if I should do some housework etc.
..I really want to leave my husband. He is absuive, not in a physical way but he manipulates every situation and is always the victim. I just can’t hack it anymore. I would rather be alone. The thing is though, I have never been single and living with my dad isn’t an option.. I’m not sure where to go/what to do. My husband controls all the finances and I have nothing behind me. I work full time but earn not even 1/3 of what he does.
I guess I am looking for advice or support or from people who have been here and come through it (either by working on their marriage or by leaving)
I would appreciate anything!