(Closed) Thinking of eloping….

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know the wait is brutal! And we did more than you two, but no sex. We definitely talked about eloping as well, but we held on–it was only 5 1/2 months total for us between proposal and wedding though.

I’ve never known anyone who’s done this so I’m not really sure how it works out. Our culture isn’t really built for waiting anymore and it’s depressing. In the past people decided to get married, put on their best dress, bought a flower, and went to the church. These crazy long engagements were rare.

Not sure how to advise you, but I’ll say I know it’s ridiculously hard. You’ll have to make the decision together–will you feel guilty after if the ceremony is more legal minded and not as religious as you would like “before God”? Will you be able to keep it a secret with everything that’s involved? I know it’s easy for me to say, on my side, that waiting is worth it and you have your whole life to have sex, but it is the truth.

Do you have someone who knows you both and is trustworthy and open-minded that you can talk to about your situation? Going from hardly touching to sex immediately I would imagine would be extremely difficult. Do you not feel you would be “pure” if you got a bit closer? Or do you not feel you’d be able to control yourselves?

Post # 4
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

First of all, major kudos for you for keeping your values so close.  That is incredible, and yes, very rare these days.

I don’t have a lot of real advice since my Fiance and I are more “active” (though we decided to hold off for the last month), but I would challenge you to wait a few more months.  The time really does fly, and that way when you say “I do” in front of your family and friends, it will be for real, and your wedding night will be very special.

Again, I can’t speak from 1st hand knowledge, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be.  I agree with the PP, would you be able to kiss now that you’re engaged?  Maybe that would be a good way to compromise…

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It seems that you have made up your mind to wait.  

One thing I thought of was if you elope now, what would the living arrangements be after the elopement?  Wouldn’t that be more excruciating to be married but not be able to live together for another 82 days?  

Post # 7
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@2ndtime:

I agree with this!

 

@MuchGreater:

Keep going! You will feel like a million bucks when you get to that goal! My Fiance and were not abstainant, but we have decided to be for the next 7 months until the wedding. We made a comittment on July 25.  It will be hard, and we have talked to our marital counselors, and they reasssure us that the wait is well worth it.  Stick to your values, I think it’s very commendable.  If you elope and keep it a secret, will you feel any guilt during the “wedding”? I probably would, I couldn’t do it. Just stay true to your values and reflect back on why you are doing this.  I also agree with finding someone else to talk to! Someone supportive of your choice! Keep asking for advice on the boards, even. As much as you need!!

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