(Closed) Thinking of leaving; don’t know how to react.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I just want to say that you need to stop beating yourself up about this – it is in no way your fault. 

It sounds like this is an ongoing problem that’s been going on for a long time, maybe not to this extent but even sending inappropriate emails is not healthy for your relationship.  If I was in this situation, I would tell my husband that he needed to come to a counsellor with me to see if continuing on in the relationship was an option for us.

It is possible to get over things like this, but it’s not easy and I don’t see how he can expect it to just go away.  It needs to be worked on!

Sorry you’re going through this 🙁

Post # 4
5104 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@tiredwife09: Oh my. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. For me, I have an issue with trust. Once it’s broken I have a hard time letting the person who crushed it back in. There have been times (in past relationships) where I have tried to suck it up and let them back in when they say they will work on it, when they gave me excuses about how nothing happened…etc. But after that one time I can’t lie, it’s always in the back of my mind. And when it happened again (it always seemed to) it was time for me to go. Because that trust for that person would never be recovered. All the trying in the world wouldn’t change that.  

Only you know what you can take. For me, if I were in your situation… marriage or no marriage I would have to leave to keep my sanity, and my dignity. I know it isn’t a decision you can come to lightly, but you can’t say that you haven’t tried to work things out. That you haven’t worked to get that trust back. It’s not your fault he keeps mucking it up.

You have to trust your gut.

Again, I am soooo sorry. Hugs to you and I hope you can be happy again.

Post # 5
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would probably go stay somewhere, even if it’s a hotel since I know you said you don’t feel like you can call anyone, until you decide what you want to do. I personally don’t think I’d ever be able to trust my husband after everything that has happened between the two of you. Six years is a long time, but the rest of your life is much longer, and I don’t think I could stay in a marriage where I couldn’t trust my partner. His excuses are nothing but that – excuses.  All marriages have rough patches where one person feels they aren’t getting enough attention, but that is not an excuse for cheating. You told him that if this happened again you would leave, and well…it has happened again. So unfortunately that means you have a tough decision to make. 

I would sign up for counseling ASAP. It certainly can’t make matters worse, and if you do leave I still think counseling would be a big help for you. I’m so sorry =(

Post # 6
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wow this is a tough one. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes, but I definitely think I’d leave the house or ask him to leave for a while. I think you deserve the space to think about whether you want to stay in the relationship. And the space will also give him time to think about what he’s done, and give him a taste of what it would be like to lose you. I’d make him work extra hard to get back in my good graces. That would include counseling as a PP said, and any other assurance you need to make you feel like he has genuiniely changed. Sorry you are in this situation…the people we love can hurt us the most that’s for sure.

Post # 9
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honey, I am so sorry ((HUGS)). I actually was shocked to read this, my best friend went through this same thing with her husband last year. She gave him 6 months to get into counseling, which he never did, and then she left. She is submitting her divorce papers (they have been separated for a year and a half now) next week. Its sad, because they were great together, but I guess he didn’t feel like his marriage was worth saving. They were together for 10 years, married for 7.

Go with your gut. He hasn’t done anything to fix this at this point, and I don’t think he will 🙁

Post # 10
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am so sorry.. My only advice is take time away from him to really think things over. Marriages can over come things like this if BOTH people are willing to work really hard at it and know its going to take a long time to get back to a place of trust and happiness again. But if you left him everyone would understand and support that too.

Post # 11
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry. That is horrible. I think it’s best if you do as you’re planning – one of you should leave and just take a month or two to think about it. I say a month or two because I think you really need some time to distance yourself from everything that you just found out about.

Post # 12
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He states he needs the attention and our intimacy has been lacking; I told him to be a fucking MAN.


He’s cheating and blaming YOU for the intimacy issues you guys have??

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I don’t think he respects you and your marriage the way you respect him. You deserve better than this. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Post # 13
2890 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have no words of wisdom  for you. I wish I did. I just wanted you to know how very sorry I am that you are going thru this and to know I will be praying that God heals your broken heart. I can’t even imagine your pain right now.

Post # 14
44 posts

Hope you get through this.  You def need time on your own to think if you really want to be in this marriage and if you’re both willing to put the effort in to fix it.

My friend went through something similiar recently.  Her husband said he wanted to make things better, that would last a few months and then it was back to square one.  She took the kids and moved back in with her parents.  She just couldn’t be around him anymore.  They need their space now and will see how things progress in the coming months, and if they both want to work at their marriage.

Post # 15
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

PPs have covered advice, just wanted to send HUGS. 

Post # 16
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@tiredwife09: (hugs) I’m so terribly sorry.  I’m glad you told him to be a “effing” man though because it’s the truth.  Has he tried to spice up the sex life much?  I’m sure he hasn’t, but claim he has.  Unfortunately, some men think it’s a one way street.  We are supposed to always cater to them in their crazy minds. 

I wish you the best of luck.  It sounds like you need to move on as hard as that may be to do. Everything is always easier said than done.

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