(Closed) Thinking of leaving my fiancé…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Get out now, NOW! This is only going to escalate.

Post # 3
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
lanamarie1989:  This is abuse, and I honestly think it would get worse if you stay. Go somewhere you feel safe. It sounds like he also needs to talk to a physician or practitioner about his anger, but you could be in jeopardy staying in this unstable situation.

Post # 4
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - The Olmsted

Leave… his behavior is fat from okay… he is using rent to make you stay.  His violent behavior is unexcusable.

Post # 5
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like he’s escalating. I feel so terrible you’re in this situation, but if I were you I would leave. People don’t change. And by his lack of remorse it seems like he doesn’t want to change anyways. It’ll be much harder to leave if you go through with the wedding. :((

Post # 6
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. To be very honest, yes you should leave. As a child of an abusive relationship and someone who was in one I can assure you that it usually doesn’t change. You are somewhat fortunate though to have discovered it now because you can ask yourself if it is a relationship that you would like to bring children into? Many women don’t have that luxury unfortunately and find out years into the marriage or even once they have children. As much as it may hurt to walk away the pain will only increase over the years if you stay. You say you are already mentally broken down, well eventually depression could set or even self blame for the treatment. It hardly ever gets better because most men don’t see it as something they need help to overcome. If the thought has already crossed your mind to leave then yes, absolutely, no doubt about it you should leave. You deserve so much better! Best of luck 🙂

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this! How can you share your life with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe? You deserve to feel respected and protected… Please leave before things get worse! Sending lots of hugs your way!

Post # 8
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

Come on…if this was your mother, sister or a friend you would tell them to leave, right!? So LEAVE!!!

Post # 9
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Pack up and leave. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but things will not change. He is emotionally manipulating you to make you stay, not cool.

Post # 10
Member
4083 posts
Honey bee

Have someone go to your apartment with you and pack your things while he is gone, and get the heck out. Tell your landlord you are fleeing an abusive relationship and see if they will release you from the lease and leave just his name on it. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe. I have heard of the classic abuse where the abuser apologizes and promises not to do it again, and they always do. I don’t even know what to say about the fact that he apparently feels no remorse and that it was an okay thing to do. That is extremely scary. I hope you get out and I hope you do it quickly. 

Post # 11
Member
7803 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You should pack as much as you can when he is not home and go to the safety of your mother’s house. You cannot risk your well-being over rent or anything else–this is abuse. Do not marry a man who treats you this way.

Post # 12
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is abusive.  Your Fiance is not going to change his behavior, it will only continue to escalate until he injures you more seriously.

Pack up all your things and find a safe place to stay – your parents, a friend.  How is your lease arranged?  Can you break your part of it and move out?  

Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

There’s no way to candy coat this… run as fast as you can. The longer you stay, the more power and control he’ll want over you. The longer you stay, he’ll try to strip every ounce of self-respect and dignity from you, which in turn will make you feel like he’s all you can get. He’ll then keep apologizing (or not) until the dust settles and then do it again. 

I’m not trying to scare… it’s just that I’ve seen this so many times before and it almost always gets worse :/

Post # 14
Member
4055 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
lanamarie1989:  leave, immediately. Pack up and go. The rent and all that can be worked out at a later time. Right now you need to ensure that you’re safe. 

Post # 15
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

Leave before it escalates to him KILLING you!!! That is not ok and you should not tolerate it. He hurts you to the point of leaving bruises?? GET OUT NOW! Have someone with you when you pack your things. Do not do it alone. 

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