Post # 1
I apologize in advance for the length of this post. My fiancé and I got engaged last year and have been planning our wedding ever since. When he proposed, it was the happiest day of my life. He even asked my fathers permission and told him he would always keep me safe.
Long story short, he hasn’t. Before we moved in, he exhibited weird and violent behavior. We were in a fight while he was driving and he locked me in the car, held me by the arm, and had forced me to stay in the vehicle. He promised he would never do it again so I let it go. After we moved in, he started doing similar things. Then he proposed and I was so over the moon that I again, let it go.
About two weeks ago he got angry with me, forced me on the couch, and held me down while I screamed that he was hurting me. I left with bruises to my moms the next day. He is now telling me he no longer feels bad for what he’s done after apologizing initially. I feel so beyond betrayed after all of the times he swore he would never hurt me again. He will not answer why he keeps breaking his promises to me and cites the reason that he wI’ll not be labeled the bad guy. He tells me I need to get over it and that I am a baby.
I feel so mentally beat down and traumatized that I dont even know what to do anymore. I tried to leave this past weekend but he refused to give me his half of the rent which I could not afford on my own. I had no choice but to stay. I love him and the pain of what he has done is so awful. It is almost unbearable. I keep praying he will change but he refuses to do it, but he still claims he loves me.
Please help. Any advice is appreciated.
Post # 2
Get out now, NOW! This is only going to escalate.
Post # 3
This is abuse, and I honestly think it would get worse if you stay. Go somewhere you feel safe. It sounds like he also needs to talk to a physician or practitioner about his anger, but you could be in jeopardy staying in this unstable situation.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2017 - The Olmsted
Leave… his behavior is fat from okay… he is using rent to make you stay. His violent behavior is unexcusable.
Post # 5
It sounds like he’s escalating. I feel so terrible you’re in this situation, but if I were you I would leave. People don’t change. And by his lack of remorse it seems like he doesn’t want to change anyways. It’ll be much harder to leave if you go through with the wedding. :((
Post # 6
I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. To be very honest, yes you should leave. As a child of an abusive relationship and someone who was in one I can assure you that it usually doesn’t change. You are somewhat fortunate though to have discovered it now because you can ask yourself if it is a relationship that you would like to bring children into? Many women don’t have that luxury unfortunately and find out years into the marriage or even once they have children. As much as it may hurt to walk away the pain will only increase over the years if you stay. You say you are already mentally broken down, well eventually depression could set or even self blame for the treatment. It hardly ever gets better because most men don’t see it as something they need help to overcome. If the thought has already crossed your mind to leave then yes, absolutely, no doubt about it you should leave. You deserve so much better! Best of luck 🙂
Post # 7
I am so, so sorry that you are going through this! How can you share your life with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe? You deserve to feel respected and protected… Please leave before things get worse! Sending lots of hugs your way!
Post # 8
Come on…if this was your mother, sister or a friend you would tell them to leave, right!? So LEAVE!!!
Post # 9
Pack up and leave. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but things will not change. He is emotionally manipulating you to make you stay, not cool.
Post # 10
Have someone go to your apartment with you and pack your things while he is gone, and get the heck out. Tell your landlord you are fleeing an abusive relationship and see if they will release you from the lease and leave just his name on it. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe. I have heard of the classic abuse where the abuser apologizes and promises not to do it again, and they always do. I don’t even know what to say about the fact that he apparently feels no remorse and that it was an okay thing to do. That is extremely scary. I hope you get out and I hope you do it quickly.
Post # 11
You should pack as much as you can when he is not home and go to the safety of your mother’s house. You cannot risk your well-being over rent or anything else–this is abuse. Do not marry a man who treats you this way.
Post # 12
This is abusive. Your Fiance is not going to change his behavior, it will only continue to escalate until he injures you more seriously.
Pack up all your things and find a safe place to stay – your parents, a friend. How is your lease arranged? Can you break your part of it and move out?
Post # 13
There’s no way to candy coat this… run as fast as you can. The longer you stay, the more power and control he’ll want over you. The longer you stay, he’ll try to strip every ounce of self-respect and dignity from you, which in turn will make you feel like he’s all you can get. He’ll then keep apologizing (or not) until the dust settles and then do it again.
I’m not trying to scare… it’s just that I’ve seen this so many times before and it almost always gets worse :/
Post # 14
leave, immediately. Pack up and go. The rent and all that can be worked out at a later time. Right now you need to ensure that you’re safe.
Post # 15
Leave before it escalates to him KILLING you!!! That is not ok and you should not tolerate it. He hurts you to the point of leaving bruises?? GET OUT NOW! Have someone with you when you pack your things. Do not do it alone.