Thinking of leaving (suspected) bpd/npd husband..

posted 4 months ago in Married Life
Post # 467
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2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@tm6173:  Hi OP, I hope the rest of Thanksgiving weekend was uneventful and as pleasant as possible. The pouting on your husband’s part is just… typical.  Fingers crossed you were able to ignore it and enjoy the time with your family.  I can’t even imagine the level of relief you’re going to feel when you can close the door on your chapter with him and never again spend holidays or quiet time in your home feeling the undercurrent of his stewing.  That peace will be priceless. 

How is your son feeling?  

Post # 472
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10825 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@tm6173:  

Your last two updates show how much he is escalating the gaslighting. Enlisting The Pope would be hilarious if it wasn’t   so worrying in this context.

Like all and especially the more experienced pps , l am really worried for you and hope you can escape – and l mean that literally- soon, certainly before Christmas . 

Sending many good and strengthening feelings from Australia …

Post # 473
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10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@tm6173:  

The stress journal was a place to take notes whenever we found ourselves starting to feel our stree/anxiety levels rising. We were to note what was happening externally, including dates, locations, people, time of day etc.

Isolated events don’t necessarily tell you much but, once you have kept a journal for several days, patterns begin to reveal themselves. This is similar to how dream journals can work also.

The truth is in the patterns.

You may want to share yours with your therapist.

 

 

Post # 474
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10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@tm6173:  

It is very concerning how much damage stress can do to the immune systems of children.

Post # 475
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17 posts
Newbee

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@tm6173:  Hi OP! Hope you’re doing well during this busy time. Wanted to check in since I’m sure others and myself are thinking of you. How have you and the kids been lately? 

Also, have you put down the retainer for that lawyer you liked yet? I know it’s a big step, but you’ve come so far, and I don’t want you to stall/step back just because the holidays are here <3

Post # 478
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3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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@tm6173:  you are getting the clarity that you asked for!!! This is all really awful and just more proof of what you already know–that he is a selfish narcicist. These are the things that you know about. Who knows what else he has done. I hope you put down money on that retainer soon. 

Post # 479
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry you had to find out these disgusting things about your partner, but if this is what you needed to gather the resolve to finally proceed with leaving, then I guess it’s a net positive in a way. Sending you strength OP! 

Post # 480
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2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@tm6173:  These are 100% the kinds of thing that someone with narcissistic tendencies might do.  You describe him as a “creep” (which he absolutely is), but I see a man who believes that everyone else in his world is there to please him.  The world will always revolve around the narcissist. 

His completely unwanted and unsolicited sexual advances toward your SIL and friends, and even toward you since your relationship has begun to break down, are indicative of someone who views women as sexual objects, there for his pleasure and entertainment.  My OCPD/narcissistic ex-husband and I met up to divide our possessions during our separation, and he made sure to inform me of the 20 year old he’d met at the bar.  These men are leeches looking for the next “fix”, and for some, that translates into preying upon innocent women who haven’t figured them out yet, hoping they can draw in their latest victim.  It sounds like your husband has his next one in mind already. 

These are not coincidences.  You are not overreacting.  This is a man who takes what he wants from others, particularly women, because he feels he “deserves” it.  He wants nothing to do with those who inconvenience him.  He has already picked your replacement, and your children will fall to the wayside if they cry, have tantrums, or inconvenience him in any way.  They already have.  There are examples of this littered throughout your posts, including how he has resented his own son, made a big deal of a crying fit and almost didn’t go on a family walk… 

He is self-centered, malicious, and you aren’t playing his game anymore.  File his poor behavior away.  Don’t tell him you know.  Give the info to your attorney and see if they prefer to use it as ammo in the upcoming divorce/custody battle. 

Really, truly.  Don’t tell him you know, and if you must, tell him when you’re safely away.  He is going to EXPLODE if he finds out that you know things that may tarnish his repuation, which he is obviously very concerned over.  He can’t manipulate people if they think he’s a scumbag. 

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