Post # 1
H and I are 35 and 37 and we’re considering for the FIRST ITIME EVER not going home for the holidays (aka Dec-Jan). We have been flying to Portland to spend the holidays with his family for the past 5-6 years. Then me or both of us fly to Chicago to see my family in January (tickets are usually cheaper). (He doesn’t always join me; I don’t blame him.)
We’ve never NOT gone. I’m feeling guilty already and I’ve not even shared this with our families.
We each have sisters. H’s sister has a 3 & 5 year old who we just saw in August. My two sisters have a 7y, 18 mo, 17 mo, and soon to be newborn baby in November. I just saw two of the kids in July when one sister finally made the trek to come see me for the first time in 10 years.
Part of me says just buck up and go because the kids won’t always be kids. We won’t be flying like this forever, maybe 10-15 more YEARS. So just deal with it.
Part of me is just so freaking tired of having to do all the flying. Two flights within a month of each other and in winter weather.
I’m just starting to get over my huge resentment of my family (not H’s family) not being able to come to my wedding. They did this to me twice (2000 and last year), and I cannot help but feel like they don’t deserve to see me. Like why should I keep flying to you guys when you couldn’t even come to my wedding? Then my mom starts in on the guilt tripping – “we never see you anymore!” My mom has been widowed over a year now. Dad passed away in 01
But then the children! Think of the children!
Post # 3
Fly out another time. Take the holidays to relax the two of you, just this one year. Then you can head out in February or something, when the cost is lower and there are fewer crowds and maybe less snow. The holidays are sometimes enjoyed the best on your own.
I haven’t been able to spend Christmas with my family (OR my SO) for the last THREE YEARS. Not by my own choice. But by now, I look forward to a solitary holiday. It’s peaceful, it’s quiet, and I can make time in other months for a family get together. And my family isn’t bitter. They got over it pretty fast :p
Post # 4
@winstonchurchill: I am so scared to say anything! I wish my family was like yours and won’t be bitter.
I’m sorry you don’t get to see your SO at least.
I have never done a Christmas tree in all my 37 years (well 19 years as an adult on my own). I own no Xmas decor or anything. I just don’t really like holidays. They were not enjoyable growing up. I finally declared that to my ILs who were shocked, “Who DOESN’T like Christmas????”
We’ll probably just ski everyday which would make my H very happy. We don’t even do gifts.
Post # 5
Mother-In-Law does put on a LOVELY Christmas. In fact it makes me like Christmas for the first time. It’s just so enjoyable, relaxing, no one is walking on eggshells and she makes good food. They rock in the homemade gift department too.
Post # 6
@sienna76: We moved to CA from GA 5 years ago and went back to see the family annually as well. After 5 straight years of this I feel you on the resentment. We finally bucked up and told them we wouldn’t be flying out there for at least a year so we could save some $$ (we were tired of shelling out upwards of 3G’s for a non-vacation annually) and wouldn’t ya know- people started paying to come and visit us!
I don’t blame you for thinking the way you are, and I totally understand! The guilt won’t really go away easily but maybe you could schedule a skype session with the family so you can still “see” them all? We do that now with every major holiday & it seems to help alot! We flew out to see them all one year for Thanksgiving & it was a mad house trying to get there & back!
Post # 7
We live just 20 minutes from each of our parents and we plan to spend Christmas alone this year… just the two of us in our new home as a newly married couple. We will probably see them as some point but we wont be staying over there like we normally do
Post # 8
@BeckyS0: A Skype session is a good idea!
Post # 9
@sienna76: Relationships shouldn’t be one sided and you are doing all the work and incurring all the expense. There is nothing wrong with starting a new tradition with your husband. It’s not like they are your kids 😛
However, this is coming from the girl who flies to Russia every damn year at xmas, lol. However, my dad pays for everyone so I don’t mind. If I had to pay for it then there is not a chance in hell I’d be doing it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Take a year off. Having to do the holidays every year gets stressful, especially if you are always the ones to travel. I’m sure if you had kids of your own, they wouldn’t expect you to travel every year. I would just keep quiet about it until someone asks and then tell them you plan on having a quiet holiday just the two of you this year.
Post # 11
True they aren’t my kids, but we’re not having kids so I wanted to be the best aunt and uncle ever! So in essence, they are the only kids we are getting. LOL
OK, we’re going to stick to our word and not fly!