Thinking of postponing – need advice re med school timing & stress

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

What did you decide to do?

Post # 3
10576 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

maryc20 :  

Oh, honey.  All you need to get married is your groom, whatever i.d. your state requires, and a few bucks for a license.

You can always throw a big party another day—you’ll have all the time you need to plan.

Post # 4
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

maryc20 :  girrrllll. Just elope!! It sounds like you’re a no fuss kind of bride. Just think how freeing it will be to go away for a weekend and come back married! 

Post # 5
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

maryc20 :  Sorry I did not see this before. April of your second year seems like a reasonable time to get married, and you’ll still have time to study for Step 1 afterwards. Even if it’s not exactly what you envisioned, you’re getting married, and that’s great! The venue, the dress, etc. are only secondary. 

Getting married in your 4th year actually doesn’t seem like a bad idea if you’re still considering it. 4th year is the best year of medical school because most of it is electives and planning for residency, etc. Sure, you’ll be interviewing in the fall, but if you’re having a reasonable event you can just block out your one week or whatever for your wedding and then resume your interviewing, etc. If you were willing to wait a bit more, spring of your 4th year is actually the most chill of them all because you will have already matched, and you can just enjoy life and what’s ahead. 

Best of luck! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Post # 6
357 posts
Helper bee

I gotta say… it doesn’t get easier with medical school/residency… I have 3 doctors in my family in their 20s and 30s and they’ve all said the same thing- it gets tougher and busier each year. If you want to get married, do it now. If you don’t have time for a wedding, elope anytime!

Post # 8
6996 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

maryc20 :  It honestly sounds like maybe a big hoopla isn’t what you’re looking for? If your fiance wants a more elaborate wedding that you’ve budgeted for he either needs to really rethink his priorities or take a more serious look at how expensive everything is.

Have you considered hiring a wedding coordinator? I’m a wedding photographer, and honestly I tell my couples it’s the best gift you can give yourself. People think they are unnecessary and an extravagence but really they’re their to HELP you. You give them your budget and vision, and they’ll break down how much you can reasonably put towards each aspect of the wedding and then recommend vendors who fit within that budget. They’ll do a lot of the leg work for you and often save you money in the long run….and time.

For example, the planners I usually refer will look at your overall budget/wedding size and say “Ok you can reasonably spend $2500 on a photographer, here are three to choose from I think would be a good fit for you. Go through their websites/portfolios and see if there is anyone you like.” I’m in talks with a planner right now whose bride has a lower budget for photography. She referred 3 photogs in her budget but the bride doesn’t like them. The bride mentioned me, but I’m out of her budget. The planner told her she thought I would be the perfect fit, but they’d need to rework some areas for her to be able to hire me. That’s the benefit of the planner!

Post # 9
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly, I’d postpone until my financial situation has been figured out.  Maybe take a step back and do a little more research.  You both need to come together and make decisions you both can agree on.  You’re not on the same page as far as the wedding is concerned, what about other aspects?  

If you’re feeling rushed that’s because you are.  You both should have the wedding you want not what others think you should have.  So slow your roll and take a little time to breath and reflect.

Post # 10
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

On a separate note.  People with differing views of money will have problems in a relationship if that’s not cleared up asap.  If he is bad with money per your comments, have you and he had a convo regarding how to handle finances?  Will you have a separate accounts because you should if he is irresponsible with his money.  Communication needs to happen around this cause to me this is a “pink” flag.  Don’t ignore.  Remember money is the #2 thing that breaks up marriages IMO.

Its all about nipping things in the bud before they start bee.

Post # 11
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It sounds to me like you need some more time to figure out your wedding. You feel rushed and aren’t too happy about the current details. It sounds like you want a different venue and a different dress. Why not give yourself more time so that you can pick what you really want? 

Post # 13
433 posts
Helper bee

I guess ur only choice is to do it now or after school. That seems like a long wait. May be u are just overwhelmed? If u can pin down ur major task rest of the tasks can be done slowly. May be u could find a different venue where u can find a cheaper caterer or perhaps an all inclusive place. It seems like that is what is making u unhappy. Else may be u can do a small wedding without bridal party and all the bells and whistle ? Or inviting small 30 ish ppl and getting married and have celebration at a nice restaurant? Just throwing out options there.

Post # 15
40 posts

You sound like my situation back years ago! My fiance just finished med school and is currently in his first year of residency. We got engaged right before he started med school and we waited until he was done with med school and I had finished my nursing program. All throughout med school, he didn’t work, only got by with the student loans (can’t wait to start paying those back.. money-mouth) and my income. We are finally planning our wedding for next year since I’m not the only one with an income now.

From my personal experience with him in med school, I think a wedding during your fourth year would be possible, although I’m not sure if the med school programs are similar everywhere. During his fourth year, he was able to take a couple of months off to travel for his residency interviews but most of his interviews were in-state so he didn’t have to travel super far. That would give you time to be able to still do your interviews and have a wedding.

If you waited until you graduated and started residency, I think financially it might be easier for you. But, you might not be able to do a wedding and have a honeymoon right away depending on your residency.

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