Thinking of scrapping current wedding plans and starting over

posted 11 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I don’t see 60 guests as soooo many more than 45. Keep in mind that some people won’t be able to make it to the wedding, so you might be closer to 45 guests anyway…

That being said, your parents are paying, so they get the final say… That is how those things go. If you want to prioritize your and your fiancé’s feelings, wishes, and tastes, pay for your own wedding and have the wedding you can afford.

Post # 3
1887 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Just talk to your mom and see what she cares if you could go either way.

Post # 4
6597 posts
Bee Keeper

If this isn’t the wedding you want, you don’t have to accept their money. That said, if you DO cancel, I would pay them the $2500 so they aren’t out anything, and then pay for the rest yourself. Unfortunately those DIY venues add up QUICK when you actually factor in all those extra costs. 

I would not worry about disappointing your parents for what kind of wedding you want (so long as you are paying for the 2nd version yourself). Your wedding should be about you and your fi and what YOU both want. 

Post # 5
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Since your mom is paying for it, I would just ask her what she thinks. Talk to her about how she feels about the venue, how she feels about how much it is costing, and let her know that you are okay with starting over in order to cut some costs and make her happier with the venue. If you save thousands of dollars by switching the venue, she may be okay with losing the $2500 deposit, especially if the new venue is also one she is happier with.

I wouldn’t worry about telling people the date and location have changed. You haven’t even sent out the STD’s yet, it’s not a big deal. I might wait to tell people the plans have changed until you have the new plans set in place. And if anyone questions you, you don’t have to go into detail. Just say something like, “The venue turned out to not be quite what we were expecting, so we decided to go a different route.”

Post # 6
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t entirely understand the conflict. You say it’s all about limiting how much your mother has to pay, but then you say she’d be unhappy with the switch to a less-formal venue and it’s actually about your own stress levels.

Decide what your priority is: do you want to have a low-key, inexpensive wedding, or do you want to let your mother pay for it and have the wedding she wants? If it’s the former, start over and pay for it yourself. If it’s the latter, talk with your mother about what she actually thinks—what issues does she have with the venue, and how does she want to resolve them?

Post # 7
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

You should probably turn down your parent’s money and pay for the wedding with your fiancé.

You say that you and your fiancé feel guilt, stress, and unhappiness, all or mostly because your parents are paying for the wedding and have expectations. I don’t think having the cost of the wedding covered is worth all these negative emotions. 

Have the wedding you truly want to have. You’re not obligated to include others in this wedding planning process, especially in ways that give them power over the event.

Post # 9
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Yep talk it over with mom and maybe pay the 2500 towards something else in the wedding?

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