(Closed) Third day crying…. maybe the internet and these boards not great for me!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My thing is I use this board to help (myself and other bees) I am still planning the same king of wedding that I started with my colors just changed (oddly into something more unusual… lol)

Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can see where you are coming from! We have a very limited budget (both being in school full time and buying a house). We both work full time as well (I am a third shift nurse) so it’s extremely hard to get things done. My friend is getting married one week after me and her reception hall charges $100/person (WTF!!!) How could I ever compete with that and she has a $20000 ring. 

The way I look at it though is this is our day to have for us. Whether we want it pretty/small/over the top/10 dresses/5 different hairdos whatever. I like seeing other peoples interpretations of what they want their day to be. I think a lot of the stuff on certain wedding sites are dumb and would never have in my wedding but there are some things that I totally would if I wasn’t so stressed/tired/poor.

I still don’t have a “theme”, hell nothing I have is DIY bc I don’t have time, my invites are from Michaels, I am not using fresh flowers, my shoes were only 30 bucks, my dress hardly fits (I need to slim down), and what I don’t have done by August 22 (when 5 classes start) won’t be done (even though my wedding is 11/4). But at the end of the day I can’t wait to spend time with my loved ones, party the night away and get married to the man of my dreams 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I found the 9 months I was planning my wedding to be a time filled with a LOT of stress. I felt that I wanted things to be perfect and I felt really inadequate when I compared myself to everything online. I could help it…I compared myself to everyone and everything I saw and in the end, though I loved the support and the sense of community, I feel that all the online info left me feeling sad and pressured to have the perfect day. Because NOTHING can be perfect and someone can always have a “better” wedding….you are just setting yourself up for “failure”.

I have now been married almost 2 years. If I could do things differently, I would. I would have stayed off all those websites. I wish I had known then what I know now.

  For me: I regret that I got so sucked in. It took away from the joy of the process. I am not the type of person who is overly crafty, put together, stylish, or knows much about etiquette. But the wedding industry made me feel like I had to be that type of person.

For some people, I think they genuinely enjoy all of this. They already have totally stylish and themed houses. They are crafty and love doing DIY. They are artistic, etc….

But for SO MANY of us…..we feel like we all need to be the same way. Like our weddings will not be “good enough” if we do not have everything perfect.

Now that my wedding is long gone I realize:

No one cares about the favors.

No on used my flip-flop basket

I worked too hard on my invitations. Other than your mom or best friend, no one saves them

I worked too hard on Save-the-dates and was hurt when people didn’t reply that they received them

I wish I didn’t create a website that no one looked at

Many of the tiny details that I stressed SO HARD over ended being a total waste of time. I stressed over nothing.

I wish I had ENJOYED myseld, gotten along with my fiance, instead of being stressed out and crying for 9 months

I wish I knew that the most important part of the day is the FEELING and not all the details.

A wedding was about marrying my wonderful husband but during the process I thought it was about the perfect flowers, pictures, colors, etc.

Your post could have been written by me 2 years ago. As someone who can now speak from the other side, I want you to know that you are not only normal to feel this way….but also SO MUCH of what we are told is necessary for a wedding totally is NOT.   Make the wedding a reflection of you and your husband. Most people will not notice all the tiny details that you stress so hard over. So don’t do things because you feel like you need to or it is expected. Do only the things that are truly important to you. This is such a wonderful time in your life and I know I regret so much that I will always look back at my wedding planning as a terribly stressful time that I didn’t enjoy. If I could do it over again…I would have taken a MUCH more relaxed approach. It’s not a day to impress or be “perfect”.

As much as the online community is meant to be positive, it can also have a really negative effect just like you described. Don’t lose yourself in the process.

 

(((HUGS))))

Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

sometimes ignorance is bliss.  i found it fun and exciting learning about weddings; however, i can definitely see how the more i know now has complicated things. 

enjoy it and have fun.  it does not have to be perfect “typical wedding”, it can be YOUR wedding.  just do what you want, it’s your day after all 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

My advice is to step back a bit. Too much “inspiration” can actually stifle creativity. I’m sure you’ve seen enough to know what you do and don’t like, now let you vision and style evolve naturally. 

If it’s too the point where you are crying this much, you need a break. Take some time to refocus.

Post # 8
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I feel you!!

I got ridiculously overwhelmed when we first got engaged… my mom was NOT helping me, and his mother is a complete tomboy and told Darling Husband that she was not going to help me plan a wedding after the stress of planning DIL’s.  So, I was all on my own.  Thinking about venues, officiants, bridesmaids, invitiations, STD’s, gifts, and the list goes on and on stressed me out so much that the thought of getting married was making me sick.  Eventually, I just had to stop planning all together.

When we eloped, the fantastic gentleman that organized our wedding asked me what I wanted out of my wedding… and I told him all I wanted was to “get married”.  We had a fantastic wedding that the two of us enjoyed because it was completely stress-free.

Post # 9
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know! Themes! Who knew, right? If I want a party with a theme, I’ll throw it at halloween. 🙂

Remember, it’s about you (as in you and your FI) celebrating your family. Everything else is just for decoration. Use the bits that will help you, ignore the rest.

I enjoy seeing what other people are planning, but like you said, I’ll never be in some magazine wedding. (Yeah, we’re having one of those much sneered at City Hall weddings. On purpose. Because that’s what we want. 🙂 )

Post # 10
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I understand! I dont have the worlds greatest budget, I dont have a lot of time on my hands and I am really not that much of a DIY person. I am the first in my group AND my family to get married so I am relying on the internet for everything. Its worse when all Australian sites have huge budgets and all American sites have many wedding rules that we dont use ‘down under’.

I have however had an easier time dealing with breaking some of the rules that many boards deem to be important. I have no theme, I am not using any flowers, I am not bothered by etiquette etc. Yes I look at other peoples ideas, but to be honest I am too lazy to care if I am breaking a rule lol

At the end of the day its your wedding. Who cares if you dont have a theme? Who cares if you break a tradition? Who cares if nothing is DIY? I dont care. Your partner (probably) doesnt care. Your guests (shouldnt) care. Just do what makes you happy. Screw what the internet thinks 😛

Post # 11
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Pooh theme are over rated. Just make everything you love the theme! I don’t have one! It is overwhelming but supportive at the same time. Maybe some time away would help?

 

Hope you get sorted, don’t stress, just remember what the day is about-you and your man!

Post # 12
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that’s sad. Try to keep perspective if you can. No one who is invited to your wedding will be worried that it wasn’t the type of wedding to be featured in a blog or magazine. Your wedding will be special, because it will be your wedding. Have fun with it, because the best weddings have a happy bride and groom regardless of what the entire event looks like.

Post # 13
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I completely understand where you are coming from!  I’ve just started planning and looking for inspiration and it has already been overwhelming.  It would be wonderful if I had piles of money to throw into this one day but I’m a grad student and my Fiance just graduated.  Any piles of money we have are going into a house or something more practical than over-the-top invites or centerpieces.

@spraguebride:  Thank you so much for posting this!  As much as I would love all these beautiful, pretty things for my wedding, I know in my heart that most people will not notice.  How many weddings have we all gone to and have no idea what the favors were, or what their center pieces looked like, or saved their wedding invites?

This day is about me and my Fiance and our love for eachother.  To hell with what everyone else thinks, because they probably won’t remember anyways.  Wink

Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I tell myself not to worry about another persons budget. It’s life. There is always going to be someone richer than us and someone poorer than us. Sarah at 2000dollarwedding.com proved that you don’t need a lot of money to have a beautiful meaniful wedding and I go to that site to ground me. I love looking at the $50k+ weddings, but that’s not a reality to me. So don’t stress about budget. 

I told myself that once I decide on something for the wedding then that’s it. No more looking at inspiration for that object. It keeps me from second guessing myself. 

Take a break. You only need to please yourself and not the internet wedding world. Remember that! 

Post # 14
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I completely understand how you feel! But you need to remember that this is YOUR wedding NOT ours! I’ve already had mine for petes sake, so you need to have the wedding how you want to have it. Simple or themed or whatever it is that you see in your head and you want. 

 

Everyone gets stressed and your situation is almost hightened because you won’t be back until two weeks before, but I am positive that everything will come together and the small stuff won’t even be an issue after the wedding! Enjoy the honeymoon!

Post # 15
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i LOVED our wedding. looking back, there’s nothing substantive that i’d change (there are a couple teeny tiny things, but no big choices that mattered–things like, i wish i’d remembered to arrange my veil differently before the ceremony <–NOT a big deal). we had no “theme” besides making everything as personal to hubs’ and my relationship as possible, and comfortable for our guests. i thought everything came together perfectly/just as we’d imagined it, but it wasn’t blogged once, not even by the bridal salon (my dress, accessories, invites, and bm dresses were bought through them) that had basically told me they were going to blog it. but whatever–it wasn’t their wedding, it was ours, and it’s a perfect memory for us and our families.

what i’m trying to say is, use the blogs and boards and such for your own benefit, but what makes your wedding special and unique is the relationship that’s highlighted that day. when our guests talk about our wedding now, almost a year later, it’s not the flowers or the dresses or whatever that they talk about, it’s how we were beaming and how happy our everyone was. and to me, that’s exactly what they should remember!

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