(Closed) Third day crying…. maybe the internet and these boards not great for me!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t worry about what you see other people doing.  Yes, some things on here can be a huge inspiration, but if you tried to do EVERYTHING suggested on the Bee, you’d be in a world of trouble!  What works for one person may not work for another.  Yes, sadly, a lot of people have these pie-in-the-sky budgets and it makes people like us (who are paying for our own weddings) feel insignificant.  But, your wedding is going to be great, no matter what!

You don’t have to do DIY if you don’t want to.  DIY is really the “way to go” when you have a lower budget (if it doesn’t get too far out of control), but it is not a necessity. 

As far as a theme goes, I don’t have one either.  I was going to have a theme that I won’t mention here for fear of ridicule, but now that I’m getting married at the beach, that theme is out of the window.  I am NOT having a beach theme, either!  I’m just having a wedding.

Sit down and write out what you envision for your wedding (maybe even a checklist).  Include the most important things (location, colors, wedding party, food, entertainment, etc.)  Then, go forward with realizing your vision.  If you get stumped on something, then come here and see if you can get advice on that subject. 

Post # 17
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i totally understand what you mean and i totally got caught up worrying and caring about things i never thought i would!  when i first started planning, i was TOTALLY clueless about EVERYTHING. For my Destination Wedding, i thought i had to pick a resort, book a date, buy a dress and then i would be done!  Well, the more i went online, the more i found things i “needed”.  I was really grateful as i was happy for a lot of the ideas i found online, but at the same time, i did get a little overwhelmed.  

one thing i found was that on the wedding day itself, hardly anything mattered except that i got married on the beach and i loved my dress!  <


and these were the two things i cared about BEFORE doing research online!

Post # 18
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe this will make you feel better:

All of these wedding blogs, wedding websites, wedding magazines, etc., are businesses. Most of their income comes from advertising, ads from wedding vendors who want to sell you stuff. I know girls get excited about being featured on these websites and blogs and magazines (my wedding was in The Knot and a local wedding magazine blog), but the truth is, it’s a form of advertisement. It’s meant to make other brides-to-be think “maybe I need to add that to my wedding” and when you make the decision to add it, it generates business for the vendor who can provide that good/service. You can say, “oh but it’s DIY,” but DIY projects also involve materials, even if it’s inexpensive, from Michael’s or Hobby Lobby or fancy paper store.

Just look at The Knot’s “Real Weddings” feature, there is usually one or two photos of the actual bride and groom and their bridal parties, but tons of photos of flowers, cakes, details, invitations, etc etc. So you can feel like, “oh yes that would look good at my wedding, I must have it!” and purchase a similar good/service.

And you must realize that the average budget for a magazine wedding is probably much higher than the average budget for all weddings nationwide. Because more expensive weddings usually means they bought more stuff (flowers, bigger cakes, letterpress invitations, etc) and that’s more stuff for the magazines to feature to sell to other brides.

I had an average to maybe slightly above average budget for my wedding. I didn’t do anything with “oh I must get on a blog!” in mind. The thing that was most important to me was to provide my guests with good food and drinks because we are foodies and have tons of foodie friends. I also wanted great photography. I splurged on those two items and those two items only. I ended up in The Knot because my photographer submits all their weddings and it got chosen. And as cool as it is to have that as a keepsake, the thing I love the most til this day (more than a year later) is when someone mentions how much fun they had at the wedding (the avocado bar comes up a lot as the most memorable thing) and I knew I had achieved what I set out to do, provide a great meal and fun experience for my guests. Nobody cared that we didn’t have place cards, my dress was a sample that was altered and probably not the best choice for my body type, my florals were very simple (monochromatic arrangements), I didn’t have a photobooth or a dessert bar or fancy uplighting. But I had a good time at my own wedding, and that’s what matters.

 

Post # 19
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh and you definitely do not need a theme for your wedding. I mean, isn’t the theme “hey people I’m getting married!!!”?

Post # 20
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I totally understand how you feel. For quite awhile I looked on these wedding boards and actually felt more conflicted and stressed out. Every time people posted things with titles like “DILEMMA” and “DRAMA” I started to hyperventilate a little.

Eventually I realized it wasn’t healthy for me personally and started looking only at the posts that interested me or I felt I needed to read. I love the posts about what you shouldn’t spend the money on, what people do and don’t notice, etc. I think the hardest part for me was worrying about who I could potentially offend, what I’d forget about doing, and if it would majorly affect the guests – like giving them directions and then finding out later that there was construction along the route.

While it sounds like most of your wedding planning is done, you still have a few months to get excited about your MARRIAGE and forget about other people’s ideas and expectations. Think back to what you wanted your wedding to be and make sure you’ve done everything you want to do. If there are things you can eliminate, or at least try to forget about, DO IT.

A wedding isn’t worth getting an ulcer over. And while it’s a very important day, everyone is there to celebrate you…and it won’t impact many people’s lives past that day. Ultimately, that’s why it should be about what you and your Fiance want. If you want your wedding to be pretty with no DIY projects, don’t do them. If it’s less stress for you, don’t even attempt them. One of the prettiest weddings I saw recently was a backyard barbeque…and it was a small wedding.

Last, go do something fun for YOU (if you can afford it) as a way to kick off your new attitude toward wedding planning. Get your nails done or buy a bottle of wine and take a bubble bath (no it doesn’t make you an alcoholic if you’re drinking by yourself to relax haha). Or have a movie marathon – Disney or movies that make you happy. Smile

Post # 21
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

The internet actually helped me save a lot of money by finding cheaper alternatives to lots of things. I didnt of course do EVERYTHING that I read online. I stuck to my ideas but just refined and improved them based on what I saw here. You shouldnt by any means feel you have to include  everything you see here in your wedding. I think you should be able to strike a balance between being inspired by weddingbee and being upset by things you havent thought of or aren’t including in your wedding. If you are crying for days then thats a not a good thing

Post # 22
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can see where you are coming from for sure. I think that sometimes that would be easier, but I think that everyone is different and everyone has a different budget. I dont think that all of their stuff really involves me. You just have to look at it like your getting insparation, some stuff you may want to do some you may not and some you may not be able to afford. But on the day of your wedding none of that crap is going to matter, its going to be a beautiful day. The most beautiful day of your life!!! NO matter what any websites say!! Dont stress this should be a fun exciting time in  your life. Enjoy your last months of being engaged ๐Ÿ™‚ And as much as it sucks that your Fiance is gone… He will be back before you know it!! *hugs*

Post # 23
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  You are not alone! It can be very overwhelming. I definitely feel a lot of pressure to make sure our wedding will be amazing. Reading about and seeing some of these awesome ideas gives me inspiration, but then, I feel like I can’t do enough. Then, since friends who are getting married before me also read these, I see the ideas that I like at their wedding! I have even heard from Future Brother-In-Law that our wedding has a lot to live up to, with all of the unique locations all of these ones before ours, that we better live up to the expectations. I was torn between feeling stressed and feeling angry (especially because he and his Future Sister-In-Law used a lot of the things I had talked about).

  I also find myself getting sucked into the boards and things when I’m not quite as busy. I went through a huge Wedding Bee phase during the winter (when I had a lot of snow days), and now, with it being summer vacation (I’m a teacher). I think I need to start limiting myself to the amount of time spent. It’s nothing against the board, I have had 99.9% positive experiences, but too much of anything isn’t good for you.

  I keep reminding myself that people aren’t going to remember the table numbers or the programs, or probably even the centerpieces and the favors (unless they are absolutely thrown together). I don’t remember many of them until I got into wedding mode. What they will remember is how much fun they had celebrating with you and your Fiance.

Post # 24
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Double post ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 25
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I AM SO THERE!!!!! I wanted my wedding to have a classy ambiance. instead I ended up with everything and a ton of colors all over the place…. Im not a wedding planner and in truth never thought I’d ever have or want a wedding. Ive had my breakdowns and I have to bring myself back up. My wedding may not look like I wanted it to. My dress is not my dream dress. My wedding colors look more like nature threw up on us. And nothing has gone according to the way I thought it would, but really, the most important reason I’m there is to marry the dearest most amazing person and best friend that Ive EVER known. The rest of it is just a day….

Post # 26
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Having recently had a wedding, my DH and I regret having one. It had many highlights and it was a great day, but it was not worth it. A day after I thought it was. Now that it finally sunk in, I can’t believe we went through all of that crap for the past year.

Post # 27
Member
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am sorry! ๐Ÿ™ And I totally get you on this! It’s hard and most of the time I do feel inadequate….. I’ve cried a lot as well. 

I heard a wedding designer on TV say that ultimately, he wants the bride to feel like a guest at her own wedding. Because it’s only one day, it goes by so fast. At the end it’s only her and the man she’s marrying that makes it special. 

When I feel down I try to focus on what makes me feel special, what excites me…. if it’s lighting that makes the ceiling look like stars I’ll go for it…. if it’s a chess-themed wedding cake… I’ll go for that too lol. Also, looking at real weddings other couples have done on the Knot or even on Off Beat Bride help me tons. Those websites, especially the second one, shows couples who got married and had fun with tiny budgets! 

( hugs ) and hope you feel better soon! 

Post # 28
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand where you are coming from.  First of all, stop comparing yourself to anyone!  Take a step back, a deep breath and try to enjoy the process.

Themes?  I don’t have one.  I guess the theme of my wedding is that my Fiance are getting married.  Good enough for me.

DIY?  Yeah I filled my favor boxes with mints.  But I knew it would stress me out to try and make my own bouquet…so I didn’t.  I guess my DIY is etsy.com!

I got caught up in watching SYTTD, Four Weddings, etc.  I kinda got bummed out that I couldn’t afford all that.  I finally realized a wedding was one day of my life, a marriage is forever.

So, I will tell you.  I am embracing and excited about my $99 DB dress, the pizza place who is “catering” my wedding, our venue being the Community Center instead of the fancy hotel and spending a meaninful day with my family and friends.

I wish you all the best, I am sure your day will be PERFECT for you.

Post # 29
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I REALLY enjoyed reading this!

I think I needed this; the internet and blogs either help me or scare me! Try to let it help & inspire you. And then challenge yourself to do it CHEAPER and/or put your own personalization or twist on it! =) Or at least thats my outlook on it!

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