Post # 1
I have a seriously heavy heart today, bees. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day, and I feel them coming stronger and stronger.
My best friend, who recently got divorced, is engaged after only two months of knowing the man. I’m happy for her if shes happy, even if I don’t fully agree with the situation. Here’s the part that has my heart so incredibly heavy… She wants me to wedding plan with her, and go look at dresses next week.
I don’t even know how I could possibly do this without completely resenting her, and my SO for that matter. I just can’t kick this horrid feeling and this overflow of emotion running through me. I am just so, so, sad today. :'(
I’m so sorry for this depressing post.
Post # 3
I think this is understandable! i get that way when it comes to babies! I want one or two and everyone around me is getting pregnant. But your SO will pop the question when the time is right and you will be ecstatic! And if he doesn’t then the right Mr.Right will come along and blow your socks off!
Post # 4
I can empathize but, really, she is marrying a man after only two months after she just got divorced? Step back and re-evalute- this is not the time to be envious. This is the time to be a little concerned about your best friend’s decision making abilities. Have a heart to heart with her. If she seems like she is set on this, then decide whether you want to support the marriage. If you do, which you probably should since she is your best friend, then you need to help her plan with a smile on your face. Again, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, but I think you may need to gain some perspective.
Post # 5
That is definitely a hard position.. but I think you may have what I like to call “stinkin thinkin” on it.
You seem like what’s going to be hard about is it that YOU don’t get to be the bride.. plan your wedding, etc since you’re waiting… I know it can be hard but I don’t think that’s the real issue in this situation.
I think that the real issue here is your friend is more than likely acting out of her own broken heart and putting herself in a position to possibly be even more hurt down the road… (divorce takes TIME to heal from, even if you’re the one who left)
Start thinking about your friend and her position.. what she may be acting out of.. and it may help get some perspective on things.
Sorry you’re having to watch that… it’s hard when our friends do things that could be harmful to them
Post # 6
I would actually look at this a different way: Statistically, a marriage between people who rush in like that is very unlikely to be successful. Are you really jealous of that? I wouldn’t want to trade places with her, that’s for sure!!
Post # 7
Let me just say that I am not jealous in any way, I know that my relationship is 1000000 times more mature and developed… I’m just not sure I can really support something that seems so juvenile, all while WAITING.
Post # 8
It must be difficult. HUGS!
You’re time will come to, you’ll see. And when it does, all this will not be as heavy for you as it is now. Just think about why you are so in waiting for the big proposal.. it’s because you love eachother and all the good bad, and cute stuff.
I just hope your friend does not get hurt, since she recently got divorced.. … :S
Post # 9
I don’t know how close you are with your friend, and I’m probably not the best model for healthy friendships. That said…
Two months is not enough time. If she were a friend of mine, I’d have a heart-to-heart with her. I’d say, “It’s great that you’re so in love, but why is the engagement so short?” (Doesn’t matter how long the engagement is. If she wants to go look at dresses right this instant, it’s not long enough.)
Post # 11
@kristophine: I tried… She is 5 years older than me, and continued to assure me that she knows what she’s doing because she’s older and “just knows”. I’ve told her that I don’t fully support this marriage, and she just told me that I wouldn’t understand because I’m in a healthy long term relationship and don’t know what divorce is like…
Post # 12
@With Love Whitney:
I don’t know what a divorce feels like, sure. Besides, divorces are tough, but the last thing on my mind would be to get married again that close up.. moving on with life is fine.. my personal opinion is that it is more about the experience and not the age.. have you talked anymore about it?
Post # 13
@With Love Whitney:
I can understand where you are coming from. I’m going to a bridal show with a friend that just got engaged. My bf and I were there when our friend proposed. My heart sank a little bit that day when I wished I could have some of that happiness too.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for them, but I use them as an example because I get how it can feel when you are still waiting for your proposal.
Post # 14
When is she looking to get married? Not to degrade her situation, but you never know what the future can hold. Right now I think you just need to be her friend and really tactfully discuss with her… what the hell is going on! Marriage after 2 months is a big decision. Not saying it never works, but she just got divorced.
Post # 15
I know how you feel… when I was waiting for my ex to propose, I had to help my very best friend with her wedding. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and I had a heavy heart… I just never let it show as I wanted it to be about her and so she wouldn’t feel guilty.
Though really, I have to agree with the other bees about 2 months being a bit soon. Especially after a divorce. As her friend I would definetly make sure she was really taking into consideration the fact that she is getting remarried so quick. Though to her, maybe it’s not so quick! lol. I guess I am saying it would be good just to see if she really realizes this is (hopefully) forever, and having been through divorce is she sure she’s ready so quickly?
Post # 15
oh my goodness! She’s telling you that she can get married right away because she clearly DOES know how to pick a good man? (umm…yeah. not.)
Point out to her that obviously she DOES need to work on what it takes to know she’s in a good relationship. (For starters, check out the book “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk.” GREAT title, GREAT BOOK for anyone!)