(Closed) This experience has opened my eyes,,,I am so thankful. Somewhat long.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

awww yes! im a firm believer in having a few close friends for life rather than a ton of ‘not so close’ friends. πŸ™‚ my moh and i fought also but we ended up working through it. it is probably a blessing in disquise… now u and your fi can focus on your relationship and your upcoming wedding and all the planning… and not be surrounded by such negative energy πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am glad you are moving on, even though it is sad that you did get that point, but I know exactly where you are coming from, because same thing happened to me.

My ex-best friend, and I use to be super close, thought of eachother as sisters. Told each other everything and anything. Borrowed things from eachother, and everything. When I moved away (about 30 mins. away. Not far at all.) We started not seeing eachother as much, but still talked. We still thought of eachother as sisters/best friends. So time goes on and we still talk and everything but our friendship is slowly fading. I really miss her and I try to make plans with her, and we do see eachother, but plans were always my idea, and I was the one who drove 30 mins to see her everytime.

She never came to see me. So eventually Fiance and I get engaged, and we move in together. I still saw my friend every now and then, but then I never saw her except for like 2 times in 6 months. I asked her to be bridesmaid and everything, which she never gave me an answer to, so I just assumed she wasn’t going to be for whatever reason. Didn’t want to be, Didn’t have the funds, whatever. I was hurt but I wasn’t super mad at her.

Eventually I just didn’t see why we were friends anymore. We didn’t even talk anymore, let alone see eachother. One day I posted something wedding related on facebook, something about finally having everything booked. A DJ, our photographer. our venue, our baker for our cake, etc. and she randomly comments that she misses me. “I miss you.” to be exact. I didn’t respond. I was kinda annoyed. I didn’t get how she could say that to me, when she never made any effort to come see me, to talk to me etc. Never answered me about being a bridesmaid. I even messaged her like a month later after I sent out nice personalized cards asking my friends to be my bridesmaids. I asked her if she ever got it, and she goes “Yes, I got it.” I said “Okay good, I just wanted to make sure it didn’t get lost in the mail.” (because you haven’t answered  me yet, and it’s been a month, haha.) and she goes “No, I got it.” I was like ‘Are you serious? I bring it up a month later, and you still can’t tell me yes or no.’ So that is when I decided she wasn’t one.

So anyway I am cleaning out my facebook friends one day, and I decided to delete her, because literally we hadn’t talked in like 7 months. Not even on facebook, except for her little I miss you thing, which wasn’t really a converstaion. She noticed I guess, because she messages me 20 mins. later and tells me I am ridicolous, and I say Okay whatever, and leave it alone. She then says “Wow, you are incredible.” that is when I burst. I left her a long message telling her I really didn’t see the point in being her friend anymore, because she showed no interest in being mine. I said “You never come visit me. Every plan we have made after I moved away has been my idea, and I have been the one to drive 30 mins. to see you. You never come see me. Why is that fair? You can drive 30 mins, to Reading to see your other friends, but not me, which is the same distance, just not Reading. We were best friends, and then I move and you just fall off the planet, and never talk to me or call or want to see me or anything. How can you tell me you miss me, but you never make plans to come see me. So whatever. I don’t see the point in being friends anymore. We don’t even speak, not even on here. So stop calling me ridic./unbeliavable, because I’m not. There really is no reason in being friends, when we don’t act like friends anymore. You don’t want or need me to be your friend. You have shown that. I hope you get everything you want in life, and I really mean that, but for me and you this is goodbye.”

She never replied back, and I am okay with that. I have moved on, even though sometimes I’m sad, because I wasted time, money, and gas trying to restore a friendship that failed in the end. I wish she would of just shown some interest in being my friend back. We use to be so close. But life goes on. I wished her the best with her life, and that’s my peace, even though she still tells me the end of our friendship was my fault, but whatever.

So I know how you are feeling. Luckily I also have two wonderful friends who are the nicest, sweetest people I have ever meet, and are standing up with me at my wedding in June. I consdier myself lucky to have 2 very good friends. Both I think of as sisters. Then 45 not so close friends. And well Fi’s friends are my friends too, but not as close as my friends.

So glad you are happy also to have such good friends. πŸ™‚

P.S. Didn’t mean to thread jack if it does happen, because this is so long, Just wanted to let you know I know how you feel, haha.

Post # 7
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Haha, no prob. just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, and yes it hurts but it will go away. And thank you! I’m sure your wedding will be just as great! πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Being a friend should never feel like it’s work. It should totally be natural, and people should want to spend time with you and help you with your issues. When it becomes one sided is when things start to go downhill.

Just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone and that there are lots of others who this happens to as well. And moving on is usually the best end result.

Post # 10
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have gone through a lot of best friends, who have left my life for one reason or another.  I really feel like there are stepping stone to life, and some people stick around while others are around for shorter periods to teach you things and help you learn from mistakes.  Good for you for finally breaking the ties that bind

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