This Happened This Weekend!!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I probably woulda said yeah honestly … It seems like her son and his gf must be serious if she wants her to meet everyone and if she is really willing to pay for it then oh well! Trust me, I know its super frustrating but it wouldn’t make or break your day.. I understand if you have a super teeny tiny venue and just cannot fit 1 more single person in there, but if you have some room and you can honestly do it, then I would. You dont want to come off looking like a Bridezilla the day of.. This day is about 2 families becoming 1! And it was nice of her to offer you help.. Always take things positively 🙂

Goodluck and happy wedding planning! 

Post # 4
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would’ve said what you said. It bugs me to no end when people ask to pay for other people to attend a wedding. 

Post # 5
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No you are not crazy. That is pretty rude of her to even ask. HOWEVER….if the son is invited to the wedding and he is over 18, he should have received his own invitation. So its actually up for debate. It is your wedding, so you pretty much make your own rules but there is a standard of ettiquette that should be followed.

I would have said exactly what you said if the son was invited and under 18 years old. If the son was over 18 years old, I would have sent him his own invitation and included a guest.

Post # 6
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would have invited her.   I’m assuming he didn’t get a +1? 

my cousin’s close friend (who I know and like) asked her to ask me if we would please invite her and her husband to the wedding.  I did.  

I know it’s not the same situation. .


Post # 7
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How long have the son and girlfriend been together? Was it an oversight on your part to not include her in the first place or is this a new thing?

Post # 8
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would stick to your guns, and don’t do it. I think you handled it well. If you make exceptions for her, you have to make exceptions for everyone else, too. 

That girl can meet everyone else some other time. 

Post # 9
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You handled it properly … the fact she admitted herself it was rude to ask is infuriating. 

Post # 10
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is seriously awkward, sounds like your mom’s cousin has good intentions though.

Could the girlfriend come to just the ceremony or even just the post dinner part of the evening? Seating capacity for dinners is always lower than capacity for receptions. So assuming your venue isn’t itty-bitty you shouldn’t have a problem with capacity once the dinner is over and most of your guests are mingling and dancing.

Unless of course you really just don’t want to invite someone you don’t know, which is valid too.

Post # 13
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You are under no obligation to invite your (second) cousin’s girlfriend. 

Since his mother called on his behalf, I get the impression that the two of them are in high school.  – That’s really VERY young to be expecting to be invited with a date – IMHO!

Regardless of the age of your cousin’s son, unless he is married (but then you’d call her “his wife”), engaged to, or living with his girlfriend you aren’t breaching etiquette to not invite her. 

I think you might be overreacting a little to her offer to help/”do anything” – it was probably sincere, and an “oh, yeah, since we’re on the phone” moment.  And I do think it goes to show that she isn’t holding a grudge because you chose not to extend an invitation to her son’s girlfriend.  – It’s easy to get worked up, especially when people seem to forget simple manners – like “you don’t get to invite tag-alongs.”

Post # 16
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry should have been clearer.

I figured you had the same room for dinner and reception. Capacity isn’t determined by room size. It’s determined by the way you set up the room. For example, for my wedding I have a capacity of 130 seated, but 170 standing. If I wanted, I could clear out a couple tables and invite extra people to the dancing portion of my wedding.

The only cases where an option such as this wouldn’t be possible would be where tables aren’t stationary such as in a restaurant with booths, or a venue that was extremely small to begin with where extra capacity was taken up by staff. Though, in the later case you’d likely be dealing more with fire code requirements than room capacity.

I bring this up because I plan events for a living. I actually worked with a venue recently that insisted they only had a capacity of 250. Fire code stated otherwise. They just didn’t want to accommodate my plans because it required extra work and cost on their part.

I’m not trying to wreak your argument on not having enough space. Use it with your family. They won’t know the difference! I just wanted you and others to be aware that you have options when it comes to accommodating those b-list guests.

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