(Closed) This has been on my mind a lot lately

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry you feel this way! It will get better!

I have a situation just like yours, my dad pretty much up and left when I was in 6th grade and moved to mexico. Came back when I was in high school never even went to my high school graduation… ect. He was great when I was younger, and a few years ago we really started to have a relationship again.

I opted to not have him walk me down the aisle and to have my older brother, my dad was hurt, and I wasn’t even sure if he was going to come to my wedding. He booked his flight for the day before the wedding to arrive at midnight. However even though he was pretty nervous he went to my wedding, and he had a blast! He always gets nervous about family things because he’s not really apart of the family anymore, he only talks to me, and my brother and sister could care less about him.

My fi and my dad get along great and I think that helped my dad alot, he knew that even though he wasn’t walking me down the aisle he was def. apart of a new chapter of my life.

Best of luck I hope all turns out ok for you!

Post # 5
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it’s up to you who walks you down the aisle and your brother seems like a great person to do it. I know how it is being distanced from a father and I can understand why you would not want him to walk you down the aisle. I think I’m going to be having a similar situation when I talk to my Dad about this.

Post # 6
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The other posters have said it very well. Just wanted you to know that your decision sounds very reasonable and well thought out, and while you cannot please everyone, you can do your best to express your reasoning and your appreciation for them anyway.

Post # 7
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s definitely your decision.. but you may could think of a way to make yourself and your dad happy.  Could you have your brother walk you down the aisle and then have a “handoff” to your father to actually give you away?  Then you still get what you want and he will have the joy of doing something that is so important to him.  He obviously isn’t the best dad, but our parents are humans too and screw up often…

Post # 9
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

You know what, this day is about you, not about pleasing other people.  If he hasn’t done things like staying around for your special dinners and celebrations because your mom makes him uncomfortable, that was selfish of him and he has no right to be hurt when the repercussions of behaving like that unveil themselves.  

You don’t need to feel bad at all about having a male relative that has shown you love and support over the years walk you down the aisle.  If you and your dad became distant when you were just starting high school, that is not your fault, he was the adult.  

You can’t please/avoid hurting people all the time. 

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you’re doing the right thing.  I have never been close with my dad and we actually didn’t communicate with eachother from when I was about 16 til I was 21 (I’m 23 now).  My stepdad has been a constant, wonderful presence in my life since I was 10 and I am going to have him walk me down the aisle.  I don’t really think it matters what other people say is proper or whatever because they don’t know your life, and only you can decide who deserves to walk next to you on the way to meet your husband.

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