(Closed) This has probably been answered a million times already…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do if your aunt invited her boyfriend without saying anything to you?
    Suck it up and invite him, too. : (26 votes)
    43 %
    Delicately explain why we can't have any more extras. : (35 votes)
    57 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    What’s been your +1 rule in general?  If you’re not allowing guests pretty much across the board, then you can certainly tell her that you’re only allowing engaged/living together/married/serious couples or whatever your criteria is.  If you’ve given all your friends and family a +1 except her, then you should extend it to her as well.

     

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    First I would talk to your aunt. Who knows what “possibly her mother’s boyfriend” means? 

    Of course I would probably decide on what you’re going to do before you talk to her, so you’ll be prepared in case she wants to bring him. If it were me (and I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend) I would say that it’s not possible for him to come. However, you didn’t explain to us why he couldn’t come – is it a comfort thing? A budget issue? A space problem? If you tell us maybe we can help you with a good way to say it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7739 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @shadowblind:  How long as she been with her boyfriend? Boyfriend of the month doesn’t need an invite. Long term bf should. Since you didn’t know she had a boyfriend, I’m guessing he’s recent, so I think you’re ok. And with her father and 4 kids there, it’s not as if she won’t know anyone.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Everyone’s SO should be invited. No one should have to ask to bring their SO, you should always invite social units together. Also, the “but I don’t know them” excuse is totally lame. Who cares?? That person is still important to your guest.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7739 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @shadowblind:  Then I think your first step is to call your cousin and ask. If they’ve been together less time than any other partner you’re inviting, you’re on safe ground saying no. If it’s longer than other partners you’re inviting, I think you’ve got to invite him.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Ah ok. Makes sense if you didn’t know of his existence. The rule I’ve always heard is that if they got together after invitations were sent out, they don’t need to be invited. If it was before, I think you should say yes, especially since they’re traveling.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    She’s old enough to know better.  Tell her so sorry but  because of numbers we can’t fit him in.  and be done with it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I see your dilemma, BECAUSE you’ve added other SOs when been asked by other Guests if you could make allowances

    (That always to me is a dangerous slippery slope)

    BUT I agree with @HisIrishPrincess: at this point in time… with things getting closer and closer, I’d be apt to say…

    “Sorry, but due to numbers… we can only account for those who we’ve Invited / Names that were on the Invite”

    I’d also be more prone to do this, because I believe you said, at this point in time they haven’t had the courtesy to get back to you yet (altho you didn’t mention when your RSVP deadline is)

    And as for the comment that another Bee made about not inviting Plus Ones for a Guest is rude…

    Uh no it is not (according to Etiquette Experts)…

    When one organizes a party, one figures how how many they can accommodate, and then works within those numbers.  And that usually means figuring out a cut-off point… the old standard is Marrieds, Engaged, and Living Together.

    “Dates”, GFs & BFs, and in particular “boyfriends of the month” (laughed when I read that) don’t automatically make the cut.

    Do not feel guilty… but do try to find out what is what if you haven’t an RSVP come in by the deadline (I wouldn’t make waves before that tho)

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    No. When one Organizes a Party, one figures Out who they Want to invite First, then decides The best way to Host them. People are The most important Part.

    Post # 16
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @oneofthesethings:  sorry, I disagree (although quite honestly this might be a case of which came first the chicken or the egg)

    I am restless with the winter weather, so I decide I want to host a Dinner Party… I have a Dining Room that sits 8, I am thereby restricted to 6 Guests.  Inviting any more and I have no where to “comfortably” accommodate them.

    Same can be said for a Wedding.  Most folks find a venue they like and can afford, before they finalize a Guest List (they have a ball-park idea of the size of Wedding they can afford).

    I wouldn’t be looking for a venue for 200, if I can only realistically afford to comfortably accommodate 100.

    Inevitably… what we wish for and what we can afford isn’t always congruent.  Which is exactly WHY so many Brides have issues with trimming their Guest Lists.

    And the most often to go are the second cousins, children, and the plus ones / dates where you wouldn’t know them anyhow.

    It sucks for sure… I mean who wouldn’t LOVE to have a party without a worry as to cost.  But in the end for most of us something has to give, and it typically is in the aforementioned categories.  Everyone draws their parameters however they feel the most comfortable.

     

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