(Closed) This is a personal question about “waiting” until you are married…

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

That’s so cool! Congrats πŸ™‚ We are waiting (not that we’re engaged yet!), but have unfortunately both slept with people before (now born again).

I’m guessing that by size, do you mean, um, small/narrow? I would say that you and your hubby-to-be will need lots of time and patience πŸ™‚ And a sense of humor for sure! I think you should bring it up (somehow!) soon, so that he has time to be in the right mindset and you can discuss the implications/approaches and make sure you are in harmony. Personally, I think the best approach is to just have fun and get to know each other however you guys feel comfortable. Good luck, I guess!

Post # 4
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s really a personal decision, but I’ll give you a little bit of my personal experience. My now husband and I were both virgins as well. I went to the gyn. once but she said since I hadn’t had sex before I didn’t need an exam and it would be too painful for me so she didn’t do one. I don’t know about my size down there, but I’m a thin person in general. 

Obviously everyone is different, but our wedding night and our whole 10 day honeymoon was extremely painful. At first it was ok, he was trying his best to go slow and be gentle and it was just great to be so close, but then it just got really frustrating. Instinctively I’d put my hands on his shoulders to push him back or wince because I was in pain which is a total mood killer for both of us. Also, he can only go so slow. If he goes too slow or has to stop for too long he’ll just loose the erection. We’ve been married for over a month and a half now and it still hurts the first 5 mins or so and we’ve just been sticking to woman on top since that’s the best for me (helps to have some control). Sorry if that’s Too Much Information.

I would for sure talk to your Fiance about this so he can be prepared. Honestly, if it was me I probably would have had the surgery, but everyone is different. I would recommend having some lube on hand, taking it slow, and just trying to relax. Try some different positions and find what works best for you because it’ll ultimately be good for him as well πŸ™‚ Also, maybe to mentally prep youselves think that it’ll take 3 months for example for it to stop being painful and then you can be pleasantly surprised if it’s sooner. 

Best of luck! Hope you have a wonderful wedding and honeymoon! 

Post # 5
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You may find this post helpful to read through.  Mostly it’s about open communication, a sense of humor, and taking your time.  And lubrication.

Post # 6
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

First off, I wanna say congrats. Not a lot of people nowadays wait until they are married.And I agree with LeiAnn about the time, humor and lube.

I will say that Fiance and I have not waited to get married. But we both were when we first met. We didn’t even talk about sharing that bond until we had been together for almost half a year. It made us closer to each other. It was a little painful for me. He tried to go slow, but sometimes it didn’t work. Of course it didn’t help that I would tense up from being nervous. There will be akwardness, but just laugh. It helped us. And so did a lot of lube.

I agree with the doctor, and let it happen naturally. Good luck! And have a wonderful wedding and honeymoon! πŸ˜€

Post # 7
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I second all mentions of going slow and lube… my recommendations from my own experience are:

1. Take a painkiller a bit before starting. Think of it like going to the dentist, you know? πŸ˜‰

2. Say things like "I love you", "I’m so glad we waited", "You’re amazing", etc., during the first encounter… say it over and over. Your reflexes will be to physically push him back, most likely (I know I did… he had to follow me all over the bed because I kept scooting away), so make sure at least your words and your emotions are accepting and welcoming.

3. Watch out for a UTI!! They are miserable. Preventative measures include cranberry juice or supplements and eating yogurt, and going to the bathroom right afterwards. If you start to feel one coming on (burning when you pee, wanting to pee a lot even when you don’t need to) try to see a doctor but if you can’t (I didn’t have insurance) buy yourself some Cystex. It’s an OTC antibacterial and analgesic.

4. Be patient. It took me probably 3 months to not have any pain on entry. And we’ve been married almost seven months and haven’t yet discovered all the best parts. Try not to confuse your clitoris and your urethra like I did (I will blame my blonde hair for this one).

Hope this helps!!

Post # 8
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know anything about ‘waiting’, but I will say that lubricant can make things soooooooooo much more pleasant and pleasurable. Buy a bottle of Astroglide or KY and play with it together. Touch each other and talk and laugh and enjoy. Don’t expect your body to be able to take care of everything, especially under such stressful conditions.

 Have fun! 

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

and dont forget to pee pee and more pee, i describe a UTI is like peeing splintered glass so remember to pee afterwards and often

and yes to take your time, lube and humor…. my hubby is only the 2nd guy that ive had sex with (thinking back i wish i never had sex with #1 btw) and being able to laugh and relax was the most important. now i find im generally the one that takes charge and is more adventurous than he is so just try to relax and remember that you love eachother and everyone has been where you will be at least once in their lives.

and remember, making out can be pretty dammed good too so dont be in a rush

 

 

Post # 11
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Noooo don’t leave it! I know it’s hard to bring up… perhaps you could do it in a way that lets him take the lead? Like "Sweetie, I was just wondering if you’d had any thoughts about… our wedding night?" and then let it go from there. You can let him know you’re looking forwards to it – you can bet he is! He’s probably just not mentioned it because you haven’t. Maybe he wants to bring it up too but doesn’t know how or doesn’t want you to get the idea that that’s all he’s concerned with? Think of a way you can face doing it then DO IT! Sometimes it’s easier to discuss things when you’re not face to face, so something like during a car ride might help you open up and be candid about it.

Sex doesn’t just come naturally and easily like in the movies, it’s filled with less-than-smooth moments from the funny things your bodies will do, and just getting to used each other – where and how to touch, how things work and go together, what’s comfortable and uncomfortable etc. That’s why being able to giggle together about it and not having unrealistic expectations is so important – even with two ‘experienced’ people it can take a little while to get in sync and figure everything out, so you might as well make it a fun part of the process. But it’s hard to have a sense of humor if you have to figure out where your partner’s at as well and you’ve been anxious leading up to the event πŸ™‚

You can do it!! 

Post # 12
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Don’t be afraid to bring it up now.  Like Miss Velveteen said, he probably hasn’t mentioned it because you haven’t.  Definitely broach the subject.  Maybe something along the lines of "I am soooo excited for our wedding night, but a little nervous too.  Are you?"  You could have the conversation over the phone if you feel too embarassed.  The phone can give people a little more courage since you aren’t looking into the other person’s eyes but it still allows you to keep their attention at the same time.

Or if you don’t want to beat around the bush in bringing it up you could always say something like "I’ve been reading some suggestions regarding keeping lube on hand and several brands were mentioned.  Do you have any thoughts or preferences on that?"  He may stumble for a minute but it will get the conversation started.

Post # 13
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Talk about it, but I’d agree with Pelikila and say talk on the phone. Not only does it help with the embarressment factor, but in case you guys get a little too “into” the discussion you won’t physically be with each other to make a mistake.

Guys can have pretty weird ideas about women and sex… I know my own husband thought that women just put up with sex for men’s sake before he met me — then he realized that yeah, sometimes I want it even more than he does!

I’d recommend reassuring him of your excitement about the evening, then making a plan of action for the wedding night. Think about things like: Will you undress together or will you go into the bathroom to put on special lingerie? Will you be gross/sweaty/filled with hairspray from the wedding and want to shower beforehand? If so, will you shower together? Will you both be satisfied if not much actually happens on the wedding night? Remember that making love is more than just tab a in slot b… you’ve got the rest of your lives to figure that out!

One thing we did was take a shower together first, to just get used to eachother’s bodies. You might also consider, as Bellenga put it on another thread, “celebrating him” beforehand, so to take some of his pressure away and let him focus more on how you are feeling.

Post # 14
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I didn’t wait until marriage, but as someone who waited a loooong time, I think I can second a lot of the advice above.  Number one: it will get better/easier/a lot more enjoyable with time and lots of practice (yay!).  Number two: communicate, communicate, communicate.  If you can start talking openly and frankly about this aspect, it will make things a lot easier and will probably even help you being able to talk openly about other difficult things in your marriage.  I find it helps to create silly euphamisms when I’m trying to discuss something particularly embarrassing or awkward.  Sounds stupid but it might help.

One other thing  I wanted to mention, as someone who also is "small" down there and had a couple of really painful visits to the gyno–if you really want or need to have an exam (even if just to set your mind at ease that everything is as it should be) you can always ask for a pediatric speculum.  Once a nurse mentioned that to me and I’ve had no problem with painful exams ever since.  Just wanted to mention that so you’re not totally terriffied of a simple exam.  They’re good things to get πŸ™‚

Good luck and  congrats on getting married!

Post # 15
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Take it slow.

It is your wedding night, you are likely to be exhausted. i mean so tired you will have a hard time getting your dress off.

Don’t put too much pressure on the wedding night. If you feel like messing around, do so….but don’t go for penetration right away….you will likely not be ready. 

After the two of you have time to explore each other…as you were a few months ago, you will eventually feel ready. He knows you are a virgin and he is too…so you are likely to be going slow and yet you might get carried away with wanting what neither of you are yet ready for.

I can’t urge you enough…go slow. Or else you might have pain from not being ready. 

Keep in the mind, the human body is designed to accomodate an entire baby coming out down there – given the time and proper preparedness, you should be fine.

 

You might google articles about virgins and sex on the wedding night.

I can’t say when it would be best to bring it up with him…if it works on the wedding night no problem. But if you really can’t have sex and it could take years of trying, you might want to bring this up with him sooner rather than later and perhaps making an appointment with your doctor in order for your doctor to talk to both of you about your condition would be wise.

Best of luck.

 

Post # 16
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My mother told me I should start wearing larger tampons before the wedding. Maybe that will help (I hope so).

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