(Closed) This is an issue now???? Very Long!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Don’t let them take your wedding away!! I would go as originally planned, explain to them why you can’t accommodate 30 more people! Is your big day don’t give up on it!! It’s not fair to you!

Post # 5
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If your choices are to elope without his parents or to have the wedding you want with a chance that only his dad won’t show due to being a first rate jackass, I think you should have your wedding, the one you’ve been planning and dreaming of. To hell with the adult acting like a 2 yr old having a tantrum. 

As for the rest of them saying that it is too much for one day…are they f’n paying for it?

Post # 6
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yuck.  

I would sit down with them, tell them the budget you and your Fiance worked out, and say something along the lines of – if they feel very strongly about those relatives being invited, you’d be happy to do it with some financial help from them. If that is not an option, they need to respect you – and your budget – and either support you eloping, or support you having a small wedding.  You’ve given them three options – if not one of those options works for them, they are being extremely unreasonable – and if thats the case, you and Fiance will have to just shrug it off and do what you both agree on.

Post # 7
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it is totally up to you guys how much you want to spend! This will be your one and only wedding, you will tell your kids about it and show them pictures so I would do your dream wedding! You know that you don’t want to elope so don’t! You don’t want to look back and regret it. Sorry you guys are having all that negative energy from family!

Post # 9
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think if you elope you will always regrett it and be resentful of his family. Not because eloping can’t be great too, but because you have dreamed  of your wedding.  I would keep it as planned, hopefully his dad will come around.

Post # 10
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t let others ruin your day. Have the wedding you planned, who cares about what others say. They will eventually get over it.

Post # 11
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agreed with Mandypop!

I always hate tit-for-tat type discussions, but if you’ve cut the guest list on your families side too, that’s probably a good point to bring up, just to make sure they understand that you’re not doing it just to get at them or whatever but that you are making a very stratigic and budget minded decision.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you need to have a serious discussion with your Fiance here – you are going to be his wife, and that means he needs to be on your side with things like this. It is no fair that he is going to cancel the plans you two have made because his dad wants to be a baby and throw a fit over it. Is that how it’s going to work forever, if his parents don’t like something you two are doing he is going to cave and change it just to make them happy? He is putting the blame on you and that is not fair. You two need to be a team here, he needs to tell his parents that the two of you want a wedding with family, but that cuts had to be made to the guest list on both sides of the family, and he is not close enough to his father’s siblings for them to be invited.

Post # 13
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Truthfully?  Weddings are expensive and they are just one day.  Does that mean you shouldn’t have one?  NO.  If you and your Fiance want a nice wedding, have it.  If you want to elope, that’s fine too.  It’s something the two of you decide together.  If anyone refuses to attend because you’re not going along with their idea for your wedding, it’s one less mouth to feed on that day.  I’m sorry to say it like that, and I’m sorry people are so unreasonable, but weddings bring out the crazy in everyone.  If you really want your Future Father-In-Law to attend and he won’t without his 30 siblings+spouses, explain that you don’t have the financial resources for that many more people.  If he offers to pay their way, it must be really important and you can accept it and move on.  If he doesn’t, then you can know you tried everything to get through to him and carry on with or without him.  Don’t cancel the day you’ve both been dreaming off because of something anyone else tells you.  And if they keep pressuring you for an answer, explain that because you’re not home and it’s the holidays, you haven’t had time to discuss and decide and they’ll be the first to know your decision.  

PS – If you do decide to elope because of all the drama, then invite no one, and mail out announcements after the fact.  

Post # 14
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think if you cancel the wedding you’ll always regret it and resent your FILS for it. Is his dad just being dramatic? Do you really think he’d miss his own son’s wedding? We all say silly things when we’re angry. And if his dad doesn’t even talk to his siblings, why is he so intent on them being there??

I say go on with the plans and explain to them due to costs you simply can’t have an extra 30 people there. That’s a huge increase in cost, and I totally understand. I’m DIY-ing everything I possibly can and I still feel like we’re going to go broke!

Post # 15
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Go ahead as you had planned but without the 30 extra guests.

Post # 16
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Agreed with the other PPs. You absolutely should not cancel all the plans you’ve already made, and potentially lose money, just because your Future Father-In-Law decided to suddenly throw a tempter tantrum over the guest list. It is really unfair (and selfish, and childish) of them to expect that. I’m sure there are a bunch of people you and your Fiance would like to invite, but can’t. That’s just the bummer about weddings.

And you and your Fiance need to present a united front about your MUTUAL decisions. No telling his parents that he’ll ask you to change your mind or “compromise” about this or that, putting all the pressure and “blame” onto you. The only real compromise, as others have pointed out, is for the Future In-Laws to offer to pay for the extra guests they want.

The topic ‘This is an issue now???? Very Long!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors