(Closed) This is awful…what would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Keylime Pie:  Her fiance should be the one to tell her! He’s the arse who did it.

Post # 5
9647 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

tell the best man if he won’t tell her you will, she has a right to know!

Post # 6
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Tough call.

I agree the Girl DESERVES to know.

And that her Fiance is the one who should tell her.

Also know from past life experiences, that telling such things doesn’t usually go well (altho in my mind it is the HONORABLE thing to do)

You might want to have a chat with YOUR FIANCE to see what he intends to do with the info he has

Personally, I wouldn’t want this guy to be a Groomsman at my Wedding (and I think if it was our situation, I think Mr TTR wouldn’t want him either)

Technically, your Bridal Party “stands up” for you and HONOURS your commitment to the institution of Marriage and all that is represents.

Couldn’t see where this guy does this… especially so as his “fooling around” happened at a Pre-Wedding Event (Weekend away with your Groom)

If it was us, Mr TTR would have a chat with him, and let him know that he was “dismissed” from the Bridal Party… and exactly why

Can’t make the guy tell his Fiance about the “indiscretion”… but you can take the step where he has to tell her something (which the “firing” of him will cause)

If it ever comes up from the Bride… you can then say something vague but pointed… “In light of what happened the weekend The Boys were away… we just couldn’t see him standing up with us as we take our Marriage Vows”.  (And I am guessing at some opportunity BEFORE her Wedding that might come up)

Then leave it at that.  She’ll either get it out of him, or at least have a RED FLAG go off in her head (my new rule in life… enough RED FLAGS and your Women’s Intuition kicks in and you LEAVE THE GUY)

Hope this helps,

Post # 7
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would stay out of it. You don’t know for sure that he didn’t tell her, or if maybe they have some sort of agreement. It would be different if it was a secret relationship or something. If anything, maybe your Fiance should talk to him and see if things are going alright in their relationship. 

Post # 8
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you should stay out of this, and the Fiance is the one who should tell, it is so horrible finding it out from someone else. This can only turn badly and you guys will get involved. She has the right to know, but not from you

Tell Fiance to keep check of the guy and ask for an update.

Post # 9
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This sucks!!!  I hate situations like this.  Usually I stay out of them especially if you are not close with the person you’re about to tell.  I use to always think it was best to tell the person and that they had a right to know until my friends husband was cheating on her.  I had no idea that she was in an abusive relationship.  In public he was the perfect husband.  Well, when I told her and she confronted him he almost killed her.  That was about 9 years ago.  She is still with him and he still cheats.  To my knowledge the beatings have stopped.

I know your situations is totally different but you may tell her and she may not believe you and this can cause issues between your Fiance and his friend and make you guys look like trouble makers.

This totally sucks and I have no idea what to tell you to do.


Post # 10
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ugh that’s horrible, but he has to be the one to tell her. If you or your fiance get in the middle of their relationship it could cause alllll kinds of drama.

Post # 11
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You have to tell.  What if you were this girl?  About to be married to an arse?  Wouldn’t you want to know?  I sure as hell would want to know.  I don’t get this whole, stay out of it mindset at all.  She’s a human being and you KNOW her…. she deserves much better and sometimes you have to do hard things in life.  You or your Fiance should tell her.

Post # 12
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

She deserves to know… she should have all the information and then make a decision that she’s okay with. If (when) she finds out down the road, and she knows that you and your Fiance knew, how do you think she’ll react? What would you want if the situation were turned around? I wouldn’t want him in my wedding, either.

Post # 13
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That’s a tough one. Either way isn’t good for your Fiance. You can be sure that it would end their friendship if you were to tell. There is no happy ending here I’m afraid.

Post # 14
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m the kind of person to try to mind my own business, but I also know that I’d be upset at someone if I were the fiance and I had friends that didn’t tell me I was cheated on. I forget, but are you friends with the girl? 

Post # 15
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Stay out of it.  If you or your finace gets invovled it will most likely ruin your friendship and they will blame you for the fallout.  Your in a tough situation and to be quite honest I would try to aviod them otherwise I know (if it were me) it would slip out!

Post # 16
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I went through the same thing.  FI’s good friend cheated on his Fiance (now wife) multiple times and I wish, I absolutely WISH I had said something to her before they got married. I don’t know if he still does now (FI doesn’t talk to him much anymore, mostly because he has less respect for him due to his indescretions).

We think he may be behaving well now, but who’s to say that if/when they hit a rough patch, or if he has a boys weekend, he won’t do it again.

I would personally want to know.  Any way you can make a fake name and send her a facebook message to make an “attempt” at anonymity?  

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